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Stress Affecting Relationship

"Stress Is Affecting My Relationships"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have always been a very stressed out person even when I was young, but I never realized how much stress I was under until I got a little older. Now I think it has gotten the best of me and it's beginning to affect my relationship with my fiancé. I know a lot people deal with stress on a daily basis (yes I exercise and am a healthy eater — I'm vegan) but I would really like some advice on how I could deal with it so that it will stop getting in the way of my relationships. I know I can beat myself up at times with work and all my responsibilities, but sometimes even giving myself a break from it all doesn't seem to work. How can I cope with my stress insecurities?

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Ryan-Ron Ryan-Ron 3 years
hello All
matoad matoad 3 years
Obviously a lot of the stress we feel doesn't just come from the situations we're in, but from the way we perceive and process them (e.g. automatically feeling responsible for everything). That may be why simply giving yourself a break doesn't really help. I'd try mindfulness training (kind of like a very practical, down-to-earth version of meditation) - it helps you to notice and 'catch yourself' when your thoughts are drifting in a direction that stresses you.
dilemmadilemma dilemmadilemma 3 years
You need to assess the source of your stress first--is is "healthy" stress that gives you a lot of difficult, albiet managable deadlines? For example, is your work rather busy at a certain time and it gives you little breathing room but you know there is light at the end of the tunnel?  If so, the best way to handle those is to keep your eye on the prize.  Pace yourself because you know there is a inevitable end.  This is where your healthy diet and exercise will benefit you.   If your stress isn't healthy, I would really consider putting an end to those stressors.  They will just continue to negatively impact your relationships without an end in sight.  Your diet and exercise will not help combat unhealthy stress and may just lead to greater frustration overall (i.e., the constant "but I'm doing everything right and it won't let up").  Maybe you are over extended.  It's hard to gague what the stress is from this post, but I would really suggest you look at what type of stress it is and handle appropriately.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
I'm going to suggest you look into ADD, it's symptoms and the behaviors that can go with it. There is a site....GettingBetter.com....and look for the title with ADD. Stress is part of everyone's lives, and it's actually a necessary part of life....but if you are under constant stress, if it's affecting your relationship, and if you are hard on yourself always....those are some of the behaviors that come along with ADD. There seems to be a lot of misinformation around this, and a lack of information around ADD. It's a physical disorder with behavioral effects, and there are ways to treat it, to maintain a healthy balance.....anyway, several of the things you said to me struck a chord, and I think you should check out the ADD article on that site, and see if it strikes any chords with you. Bi has certainly given you some great advice...I will add one thing...some form of meditation....whether it's a physical practice that releases adrenalin (good for ADD), peaks endorphins and thereby helps to calm your mind, or a mental practice that stills your body, allowing your mind to follow.....The important thing is to find a practice that appeals to you, and that you dedicate some time....the same time to.....every day. It's the repetition, the structure that helps to build a place where you can go and be, and then can learn to bring along with you in your eveyday activities. Just leaning to do yoga breath, stop, breathe, focus, release....just a little bit of time when you're feeling particularly tight, can help tremendously. take care OP
BiWife BiWife 3 years
Some stuff that has really helped me: - do not discount the cathartic qualities of some good physical activity. going for a walk/jog/run, working out with a punching bag, majorly cleaning house (scrub floors, wash down walls, get those little condensation droplets off the ceiling in the bathroom, etc), biking, skiing/snowboarding, whatever gets you moving and sweating. So many times we just need an outlet for our feelings in order to really get past them and leaving them on the pavement is a great way to go. - keep a journal/blog/diary, keep it as private or open as you like, but make sure you can be totally honest in it. Get out all the words, thoughts, feelings that you can't necessarily say to someone else. put down your unfiltered self. go back and read through things, try and figure out *why* certain things bother you and *why* a problem is a problem. work on getting to the root issue and all the superficial stuff will fall into place. - letter writing, if you're having trouble talking with someone without it turning into an argument or making someone lose their cool, try writing letters/emails to them. This way you can figure out the best way to explain things and the most effective way to communicate that specific issue with that specific person. - remember, you can only control what YOU do/say/feel/think. we can't control the actions/reactions of others, we can only control how those actions affect us and how we react to them. work on letting go of those things that you can't control. I know that part is especially tough for me - I really like to be able to control everything around me, in order to create the greatest appearance/feeling/semblance of stability and security. However, I need to learn how to feel secure and stable while acknowledging those things that I cannot control and will forever be out of my control. trying to change the way those things work will always create internal angst and frustration. - organization, they say a clean house (or desk) is an indicator of a clean/clear mind. when your thoughts, goals, plans are organized, it's a lot easier to stay on top of things and not feel rushed or unprepared. Make lists for shopping, chores, etc. Keep a calendar for your schedule (even when things are more calm and uneventful), making a habit of recording your responsibilities and plans will help you keep things straight in your head as well as on your smartphone or whatever. - sleep, truly restful sleep is an extremely restorative process for our minds and bodies. when you are able, allow yourself the time to get a good night's sleep. - vitamins/supplements, check with your local Natural Grocers or other health food store and talk to them about some natural supplements that you could take to help relieve stress, sleep better, etc. - find a support group, doesn't have to be specifically a "support group" per se, just a group of people that you feel comfortable and supported in. It could be a regular bowling night with friends (or karaoke or whatever you guys like doing), a crafting/artistic group,
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