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Stuck in the Middle with You

Dear Sugar,

I have a great group of girlfriends, but there is a ton of drama in our little circle. Right now I am finding myself caught in the middle of two friends over a guy. One friend is hooking up with our other friend's boyfriend.

My friend told me the other night that her boyfriend told her that he was only dating our other friend because it was convenient. He likes her, but isn't interested in pursuing anything serious because he didn't think she was "anything special". My friend told me this in confidence as her boyfriend did the same to her, but I just don't feel right keeping that information to myself. I don't want her to get hurt so should I break my word and tell? Torn Tabitha

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Torn Tabitha,

Well, you certainly are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If this guy were blatantly using your friend, I would indeed break your word and advise her to tell him to get lost. Is your friend against spilling the beans? I feel there is a time and a place for breaking your word, and this is one of those times. Make sure you have the information correct as this is bound to create some drama.

Perhaps telling your pal's boyfriend that either he tells your buddy and breaks things off, or you will tell her about his intentions. Since you obviously have a close connection with your girlfriends, ask yourself where your loyalty lies. Would you want your friend to tell you if the roles were reversed? Listen to your instincts on this one. Your friend is a big girl, but I understand not wanting to stand by and watch her get hurt so take the steps you feel are appropriate to save your friend's rep.

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mandiesoh mandiesoh 9 years
i wouldnt get involved. at the end of the day its their business, and they should settle it among themselves. you should remain as what your friend wanted you to be - a listening ear.
SLB SLB 9 years
i was confused also. But in all advise just follow your heart, it will never let you down.
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 9 years
I agree with DearSugar.
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 9 years
I agree with DearSugar.
yiddidea yiddidea 9 years
I am really confused. If I am understanding this correctly, Friend A told you that her boyfriend told her that he was also seeing Friend B, but that he didn't really care about Friend B. Now you don't know if you should tell Friend B what Friend A's boyfriend said? Um...no. Stay out of this one and go find some friends who actually like eachother. If your friends are dating eachother's boyfriends, why would you want to be friends with them anyway? There is a place for people like this. It is called "Days of Our Lives".
yiddidea yiddidea 9 years
I am really confused. If I am understanding this correctly, Friend A told you that her boyfriend told her that he was also seeing Friend B, but that he didn't really care about Friend B. Now you don't know if you should tell Friend B what Friend A's boyfriend said?Um...no. Stay out of this one and go find some friends who actually like eachother. If your friends are dating eachother's boyfriends, why would you want to be friends with them anyway? There is a place for people like this. It is called "Days of Our Lives".
Monkeyluv Monkeyluv 9 years
Does boyfriend mean"boyfriend" or boy who is a friend... because why would you worry about the feelings of someone who is seeing your other friend's boyfriend? ~~~Just Do It~~~
Monkeyluv Monkeyluv 9 years
Does boyfriend mean"boyfriend" or boy who is a friend... because why would you worry about the feelings of someone who is seeing your other friend's boyfriend?~~~Just Do It~~~
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Your right Pop it is a little confusing to follow. From what I can gather the 3 people involved seem to know about eachother. Being in this situation before it is not your place to share this information with anyone. You need to distance yourself and not discuss it with the 3 people involved. In the grown up world the so called BF needs to step up and let the other girl know that it is just a casual thing. Chances are it is a casual thing for her too.
martini-queenie martini-queenie 9 years
Yikes. This happened to me and as soon as I realized that my friend A was going after friend B's boyriend in a serious way, I told her I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it and encouraged friend A to confront friend B asap. She didn't and eventually it came out in a really sitcommy way involving a fire alarm (funny story). then there was drama drama drama that went on for maybe a year but eventually everyone got over it. In retrospect, they weren't the best group of friends. Maybe look into getting some new ones?
martini-queenie martini-queenie 9 years
Yikes. This happened to me and as soon as I realized that my friend A was going after friend B's boyriend in a serious way, I told her I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it and encouraged friend A to confront friend B asap. She didn't and eventually it came out in a really sitcommy way involving a fire alarm (funny story). then there was drama drama drama that went on for maybe a year but eventually everyone got over it. In retrospect, they weren't the best group of friends. Maybe look into getting some new ones?
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I got confused reading this. It sounds like you aren't supposed to tell someone that a guy is using her? I admittedly am a little lost...Because I don't have a full grasp of the details I'm going to refraid from giving strong advice in this particular situation, but I will say this.If you are in a group of catty girlfriends, keeping your mouth SHUT is about the best skill you will ever learn. Seriously. You have no idea if this chick is feeding you lies so the other two break up blah blah.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I got confused reading this. It sounds like you aren't supposed to tell someone that a guy is using her? I admittedly am a little lost... Because I don't have a full grasp of the details I'm going to refraid from giving strong advice in this particular situation, but I will say this. If you are in a group of catty girlfriends, keeping your mouth SHUT is about the best skill you will ever learn. Seriously. You have no idea if this chick is feeding you lies so the other two break up blah blah.
Marci Marci 9 years
With friends like those, who needs enemies. You now know that the friend hooking up with the other friend's boyfriend can't be trusted. Hold on tight to any guy you like when she's around! You're in a very uncomfortable position, but I'm with DS on this: If you really care about your friend, if you are absolutely positive there's cheating going on, you should tell her. Not only does she have a cheating boyfriend, but also someone she considers a friend who is really nothing but a disloya, lowdown liar. She doesn't need either one in her life. It'll be hard for you, but telling is the right thing here. There'll be fallout, but who cares about those other two? They're not worth keeping a secret for.
Marci Marci 9 years
With friends like those, who needs enemies. You now know that the friend hooking up with the other friend's boyfriend can't be trusted. Hold on tight to any guy you like when she's around!You're in a very uncomfortable position, but I'm with DS on this: If you really care about your friend, if you are absolutely positive there's cheating going on, you should tell her. Not only does she have a cheating boyfriend, but also someone she considers a friend who is really nothing but a disloya, lowdown liar. She doesn't need either one in her life.It'll be hard for you, but telling is the right thing here. There'll be fallout, but who cares about those other two? They're not worth keeping a secret for.
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