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Study Suggests Opposites Don't Attract

Study Suggests Opposites Don't Attract

Opposites attract, right? Paula Abdul said so, but as it turns out, she may need to rewrite that song! A new study shows that when it comes to finding a long-term partner, people look for others who share similar characteristics.

In the study, 760 people were asked if they preferred someone who complemented them or someone who resembled them, and you guessed it — they wanted to be with someone who was more like them. These findings supported a previous study that showed sharing a similar personality was more important than sharing similar attitudes about religion. So although you may be attracted to someone who's different, it often times doesn't develop into a serious relationship. Have you found this to be true?

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Symphonee Symphonee 6 years
My bf and I have similar views on a great deal of things. He is more laid back than me though. We have actually begun to finish each others sentences and say what the other is thinking at least twice a day now. It's getting kinda creepy
KimBurnett KimBurnett 6 years
Ha, good one Bella! My husband and I are different and it creates a frisson that works for us.
KimBurnett KimBurnett 6 years
Ha, good one Bella!My husband and I are different and it creates a frisson that works for us.
Spectra Spectra 6 years
I think it's important to have certain things in common: religion, values, life goals, spending patterns, intelligence etc. My husband and I have similar values, we're both the same religion, had the same relationship goals, and lifetime goals. Other than that, we're pretty different. I love being physically active and I'm really into artsy/crafty/baking stuff...my husband is into cars, computers, and he's a big lazy bum most of the time. But we get along great...we think so much alike that it's scary. We have the same reasoning technique and we very often complete each other's sentences/thought processes.
mariechéri mariechéri 6 years
Well it's obviously to each his/her own. But my current boyfriend has similar interests in books n such but in personality he is almost an exact opposite according to the Myers brigs test. I am introverted and he extroverted, and I'm an extreme planner and he follows his intuition. It can be a challenge sometimes but I really enjoy that we are different and it helps us grow and learn and we seem to compliment each other, I think the main thing is that we are interested in each other. :)
princess_eab princess_eab 6 years
My best relationship by FAR has been with someone who has similar likes, dislikes and personality. It's pretty seamless, no friction. I'd much rather this than struggle to get along with someone dissimilar. We pick friends who are similar to us, why not partners?
ohkate ohkate 6 years
extremely true. my husband and I are more alike than I want to admit and we love each other all the more for it. while some would say it's not healthy to be with someone who's just like you because it could be a denial of your flaws I think it's worked out quite well for the both of us because we're so aware of what those flaws are/may be and respectfully and constructively point it out to one another.
Muirnea Muirnea 6 years
I think you have to separate this argument into two different categories. Personality and Views. When it comes to personality I think people work better together if they have similar personalities. One person that's a crazy outdoor health nut prob. can't live with a mellow video game playing calm person. Or two people that communicate in entirely different ways aren't always going to be able to learn to understand each other. When it comes to views, of course opposites can be together, as long as they both respect each other's views. No one can agree on everything. So people with similar personalities and different views might get into an argument about politics, but be able to resolve it b/c they argue the same way and can understand and respect each other. While, people with similar views and different personalities might not ever argue about politics, but when they do get into an argument it will be something big, like their lifestyles, b/c they have such different personalities, and they won't be able to resolve it like the people with similar personalities can, b/c they don't really understand how each other thinks.
Muirnea Muirnea 6 years
I think you have to separate this argument into two different categories. Personality and Views. When it comes to personality I think people work better together if they have similar personalities. One person that's a crazy outdoor health nut prob. can't live with a mellow video game playing calm person. Or two people that communicate in entirely different ways aren't always going to be able to learn to understand each other.When it comes to views, of course opposites can be together, as long as they both respect each other's views. No one can agree on everything. So people with similar personalities and different views might get into an argument about politics, but be able to resolve it b/c they argue the same way and can understand and respect each other. While, people with similar views and different personalities might not ever argue about politics, but when they do get into an argument it will be something big, like their lifestyles, b/c they have such different personalities, and they won't be able to resolve it like the people with similar personalities can, b/c they don't really understand how each other thinks.
MrsRachel MrsRachel 6 years
Mu hubby and are similar in many ways (the big things--i.e. Religion), and I think that this is important. I couldn't imagine spending my entire life with someone that I disagreed with on a fundamental issue. (Now, which way the silverware goes in the dishwasher or what can/can't be washed together in the washer....that's another story!) :-)
Beauty Beauty 6 years
I can't believe Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat would lie to us!
KadBunny KadBunny 6 years
Hell yeah they do. Maybe some people are intrigued by the mystery? The challenge? Or in my case it just happened. I never would have guessed I'd go for someone like my boyfriend; we couldn't be more different (realist/idealist, no BS/sugarcoating etc). But we complement each other. He gives me strength and I mellow him out. As long as you share the same core values everything else is down to chemistry, and we have it.
oohsexypenguin oohsexypenguin 6 years
My husband and I are similar enough to get along and different enough to complement each other. Works out perfectly for us. :)
dm8bri dm8bri 6 years
My boyfriend and I have similar backgrounds (intact families, multiple siblings, upper middle class) and we come from the same region. We also have similar beliefs and opinions (politics, religion) which is important to both of us because we couldn't date our opposite on those fronts. Some of our interests are different (he's a sports nut and I'm into music and theater) but they over-lap and we're both open-minded about other interests. We are different in how we initially handle conflict and communication, which I think provides a nice balance but, overall, I would agree that dating someone similar to myself has been more successful than the other way around.
Valou1 Valou1 6 years
So not true. My boyfriend and I are as different as night and day and are a perfect match!He is a laid back American while I'm French-Moroccan-Canadian-Jewish and that means fiery, multi cultured and very very different as far as food, behavior, languages....My boyfriend always tells me he could never be with someone with the same background and interests as him, that it would be too boring and safe, and I agree! Two cultures coming together!We are the definition of the word "opposite"!
Valou1 Valou1 6 years
So not true. My boyfriend and I are as different as night and day and are a perfect match! He is a laid back American while I'm French-Moroccan-Canadian-Jewish and that means fiery, multi cultured and very very different as far as food, behavior, languages....My boyfriend always tells me he could never be with someone with the same background and interests as him, that it would be too boring and safe, and I agree! Two cultures coming together! We are the definition of the word "opposite"!
skigurl skigurl 6 years
a study of 760 people is hardly representative they were asked if they wanted a partner who complimented them or ressembled them and they said resemble...but if you actually did a study and looked at successful relationships and attraction patterns (not just trusting someone's opinion on the matter) then you would probably see that to a degree, opposites do attract....obviously similarities are great too but it doesnt mean many couples aren't complimentary
skigurl skigurl 6 years
a study of 760 people is hardly representativethey were asked if they wanted a partner who complimented them or ressembled them and they said resemble...but if you actually did a study and looked at successful relationships and attraction patterns (not just trusting someone's opinion on the matter) then you would probably see that to a degree, opposites do attract....obviously similarities are great too but it doesnt mean many couples aren't complimentary
laluna27 laluna27 6 years
My long term boyfriend and I are very similar - both laid back, active, and a bit geeky chic. However, I get stressed out easily and he doesn't at all and, in fact, he keeps me calmer. In that way we differ yet compliment each other greatly.
aimeeb aimeeb 6 years
I think you need someone with some thing in common with you but then different as well, the balance for me is necessary.
bbkf bbkf 6 years
My husband and I are polar opposites in almost every way-- religion, politics, ethics... but that doesn't matter to us. We respect each other's opinions even though we don't share them.
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