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Sugarbabe Author Holly Hill Interview

5 Terrible Tips For Monogamy

What counts as cheating may get ambiguous, but whose fault it is does not. Spoiler — it's always the cheater! Yet the idea that women are somehow responsible for men cheating is as ludicrous as it is common.

So the last thing we need is women espousing the idea as "advice" in books like Sugarbabe. Author Holly Hill (a pseudonym) quit her job as a psychoanalyst and put an ad online for a sugar daddy. MSN Glo interviewed her, and she had tips for wives trying to keep their husbands home with fear and jealousy.

  • "Don't let yourself go — there is nothing less valued than a commodity that no one else wants."
  • Put his wandering eye to work for you, not against you: "That means negotiating some infidelity if you are not 'in the mood.' It does not have to be other lovers: It could be pornography, or a lap dance [at a strip club]."
  • "Never cross legs for an extended period without arranging some sort of alternative." (ed. I don't know, either!)
  • "Always remind him how valuable you are, how popular you are, and drop subtle hints that other men still find you desirable."
  • If you find out he's cheating . . . "harness your jealousy, arrange to meet the woman — you might be able to work together to make your man the happiest guy in the world. What a wonderful thing to do for someone you love."

Just as I wouldn't blame Holly Hill for being the other woman (he's the one with the commitment), I would never blame the person cheated on, whether man or woman. It's only one person's fault, and that's the cheater.


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iloveogres520 iloveogres520 5 years
Wow, what a pathetic excuse for a woman. This woman must have never experienced love. All that so called "advice" sounded like the type of advice my friends would give in middleschool. It's sad that this is what the literary world has come to. I guess just about any idiot can get a book deal now.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
^sourcherry, I agree with your response to BoTie2. Humans may have certain "hard-wires" but we also have deeper emotional wires than other animals. A lot of people use the hard-wired/human instinct/human nature/whatever you want to call it argument to justify some of the things humans do. And while humans are animals with base instincts, there's another aspect to the human species-- and that is the ability to feel emotions (whether superfluous or complex). Our emotional and intellectual development should count for something, shouldn't it? If it doesn't, then we might as well all give up on working for anything better than what we have.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
^sourcherry, I agree with your response to BoTie2. Humans may have certain "hard-wires" but we also have deeper emotional wires than other animals. A lot of people use the hard-wired/human instinct/human nature/whatever you want to call it argument to justify some of the things humans do. And while humans are animals with base instincts, there's another aspect to the human species-- and that is the ability to feel emotions (whether superfluous or complex). Our emotional and intellectual development should count for something, shouldn't it? If it doesn't, then we might as well all give up on working for anything better than what we have.
sourcherry sourcherry 5 years
I agree with BellaSugar. There are some men who actually hate the stereotype that men can't keep in their pants, and are insulted by it. Women just have to be smarter about their choices. BoTie2, it's not social corretness that makes us want monogamy. At least for most people, being cheated on is extremelly painful. Even when people are willing to forgive the relationship is never the same. I think that's why open relationships are not a viable option for most people. We're not emotionally wired that way.
sourcherry sourcherry 5 years
I agree with BellaSugar. There are some men who actually hate the stereotype that men can't keep in their pants, and are insulted by it. Women just have to be smarter about their choices.BoTie2, it's not social corretness that makes us want monogamy. At least for most people, being cheated on is extremelly painful. Even when people are willing to forgive the relationship is never the same. I think that's why open relationships are not a viable option for most people. We're not emotionally wired that way.
witchbaby witchbaby 5 years
I know a few people that cheat with married men and in their eyes it seems like they aren't doing anything wrong. Someone close to me has been with this married man for 6 years and guess what? he still hasn't left his wife and her father did they same thing to her mother and then again to her stepmother. Its a cycle.
witchbaby witchbaby 5 years
I know a few people that cheat with married men and in their eyes it seems like they aren't doing anything wrong. Someone close to me has been with this married man for 6 years and guess what? he still hasn't left his wife and her father did they same thing to her mother and then again to her stepmother. Its a cycle.
tiaramh tiaramh 5 years
i picked up this book just like week when i was hanging out at B&N.... the cover intrigued me -the synopsis did not. Something about it being a memoir and actual true story made me not want to read it.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
Obviously it's important to take care of yourself. I like to look put together (in my own way), but my boyfriend doesn't know designer from discount. Loyalty is such a strong word. I'd hate to think it ends at an unflattering sweater or bad hair day. If any guy ever used my wardrobe to justify an affair, well...
Blackwood Blackwood 5 years
@spacekatgal : are you serious? just because someone doesn't care about their appearance it means they don't value themselves? couldn't it mean that some people won't let their aestetics define them and feel comfortable enough in their own skin to refuse social pressure and prevent other people's commandments apply to them? plus, what if they do care about their appearance but like to do so in a different aestetic and you mistake that as "not trying hard enough"? (I know because punk/grunge fashion always seems unkempt to me, but I get that the style is like that on purpose) I don't think it's maturity that makes someone realize their appearance counts when valuing themselves, it sounds more like a person who used to be unaccepted by other people and when they finally change their looks to please them, they feel loved instead of sending everyone to hell reminding them that they're still the same person inside. I think suggesting that a person who doesn't care about their looks is immature and acting like "they haven't seen the light yet" is actually very rude and condescending.
Blackwood Blackwood 5 years
@spacekatgal : are you serious? just because someone doesn't care about their appearance it means they don't value themselves? couldn't it mean that some people won't let their aestetics define them and feel comfortable enough in their own skin to refuse social pressure and prevent other people's commandments apply to them?plus, what if they do care about their appearance but like to do so in a different aestetic and you mistake that as "not trying hard enough"? (I know because punk/grunge fashion always seems unkempt to me, but I get that the style is like that on purpose)I don't think it's maturity that makes someone realize their appearance counts when valuing themselves, it sounds more like a person who used to be unaccepted by other people and when they finally change their looks to please them, they feel loved instead of sending everyone to hell reminding them that they're still the same person inside. I think suggesting that a person who doesn't care about their looks is immature and acting like "they haven't seen the light yet" is actually very rude and condescending.
inlove23 inlove23 5 years
What a crock! haha. I would NEVER let my man go do something with some scuzzy just because I'm not in the mood!
Pistil Pistil 5 years
Ah yes, my life as a commodity. But my wedding vows will not include "until wrinkles, cellulite, balding, and cancer do us part", though I've seen it happen.
Beauty Beauty 5 years
I honestly cannot imagine finding out that my partner's cheating on me, and then saying, "Y'know what, honey? It's okay that you've been sneaking around behind my back with another woman. I'd love to meet her. Have her over for wine and canapés!" I don't buy the argument that "men can't help it." It's insulting to men, actually, to imply they are animalistic and can't control their urges.
Beauty Beauty 5 years
I honestly cannot imagine finding out that my partner's cheating on me, and then saying, "Y'know what, honey? It's okay that you've been sneaking around behind my back with another woman. I'd love to meet her. Have her over for wine and canapés!"I don't buy the argument that "men can't help it." It's insulting to men, actually, to imply they are animalistic and can't control their urges.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
I just read the interview with her in Marie Claire. she says the reason she stopped was because she felt bad for the partners of these men. She also said that she and her boyfriend have negotiated affairs.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
I wonder if she would say such things if she ever gets cheated on... I've never been in that situation but I can just cringe at how painful that would be. And she's telling women who have gone through that to "harness your jealousy, arrange to meet the woman — you might be able to work together to make your man the happiest guy in the world. " Wow!
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
I wonder if she would say such things if she ever gets cheated on... I've never been in that situation but I can just cringe at how painful that would be. And she's telling women who have gone through that to "harness your jealousy, arrange to meet the woman — you might be able to work together to make your man the happiest guy in the world. " Wow!
amber512 amber512 5 years
Did I wake up in Stepford?
amber512 amber512 5 years
Did I wake up in Stepford?
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