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Sunday Confessional: He's Not Excited About Our Anniversary

Sunday Confessional: He's Not Excited About Our Anniversary

We're scouring the juicy (but anonymous!) secrets posted on Truu Confessions and letting you weigh in. This week, a confessor vents about her husbands lack of thoughtfulness.

Dear husband: You didn't fail to disappoint me today. You remembered our anniversary but had no intentions of doing anything beyond a grumbled "happy anniversary." What's so happy about it? I've spent a week putting thought and love into your gifts (cheesy, cutesy things like hugs 'n' kisses in a box, something you love), but you couldn't be bothered. Thank you for letting me know how very much you care.

Do you think this is a big deal?

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EricaJane EricaJane 7 years
This is bullshit. Wedding anniversaries are certainly an occasion where gifts are exchanged as well as a time to remember the special day together. If not, why would there be a chart of the traditional gift given at each anniversary (first year paper, second cotton, 25th silver, etc.) It's clear to every man married or not that this is a special occasion. Maybe you and your husband don't celebrate that way, but it's not a shock or a surprise that someone might be hoping to have a special day with their spouse. Saying that she should have been clear is maybe not completely unreasonable, but in general, it's certainly an occasion that is celebrated with gifts, and anyone whose been alive for more than five minutes knows that.
the-notorious-b the-notorious-b 7 years
My boyfriend kind of effed-up on our first anniversary, too. I think I wouldn't have been so upset if it wasn't the first. Of course, I think he would have had a clue about how important the day was to me, if it hadn't been the first. It was 3 months ago, and it still bothers me a little bit, but I try to take a deep breath, and remember all of the good things he does. The hurt didn't come from not 'getting' something from him... which I eventually did get... but it came from him not showing me love and appreciation in the same way that I show him. So, sometimes it feels like he must not love me, if he doesn't do the same things I do. It is when I step back and notice *his* way, that I realize how very lucky I am. Perhaps this woman's husband feels pressed, or is unhappy in their marriage. Perhaps she is not appreciative... perhaps he isn't either. There could be hundreds of reasons that their day went like it did, but without two-way communication, it can't be fixed. She should try talking to him after sex... men are more emotionally open then.
leslievanhouten leslievanhouten 7 years
I agree with janneth and miss sushi. And I have never seen (not in my relationships or from what I've observed and seen in others relationships) a guy who does absolutely nothing (or a small something grudgingly) for a birthday or anniversary, yet is romantic and sweet the rest of the year. Usually, guys who make an effort on those days, are the types to do little things all the time. Guys who complain about the crass consumerism of anniversaries or other holidays use that excuse as a way to maintain their status quo
staple-salad staple-salad 7 years
Did the woman make her expectations heard? Did she say that she wanted to celebrate, or has this been a trend in their relationship? If the answer to these is no, then it's not a big deal. Communication is very important in relationships.
janneth janneth 7 years
The problem is that it is important to her. How hard would it be for him to celebrate the day with her? To do something meaningful, flowers, a sweet note, a foot massage. Obviously he won't put himself out. And if he is such a big grump, I doubt he is Mr. Wonderful the other 364 days of the year.
MissSushi MissSushi 7 years
She doesn't say she wanted gifts, she says she spent time and energy on her side of the anniversery and that he had no intentions of doing or saying anything other then a grudging happy anniversary. I can understand what she wants, she wants to celebrate an important date, the day of their marriage and when they decided to spend their lives together. She did what he likes, which was a gift of chocolate, without receiving barely any acknowledgement of the event. She just wanted him to be a little more interested in celebrating something she thinks is important, their marriage. I absolutely don't think she's being selfish, she didn't go out and spend ridiculous amounts of money on him, nor is she demanding gifts in return. I think its pretty crappy that he acted how he did, knowing the event is important for her. That being said, while I don't agree with getting gifts or cards or any of that crap they reserve 5 huge aisles for in the store, i think it's totally apropriate to do small things for and possibly go out somewhere, do something romantic, etc. I agree with jazzy, like so many men, he's not tending the relationship. An anniversery is so far from Valentines day that it's not even funny.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
I think for alot of men after they marry, the "thrill" is gone. They wooed, they got the girl, they're done. They don't realize that they have to keep tending the relationship, because they expect the woman to just be happy that she has a ring on her finger and a roof over her head. My BIL was like this, married once before marrying my sister, and will clearly admit that he didn't tend his first marriage. It just never occurred to him that you need to continually make an effort, or one partner is always going to be the one who does more for the other person. I agree that you should never do a kindness for another expecting something in return, but there is a limit to how much one-sidedness a relationship can endure before serious resentment builds. I get that some guys aren't into b-days and holidays, but to me an anniversary is special...it celebrates the commitment you made and the life that you share. I don't equate it with Valentine's day. I know people will disagree, but any guy that doesn't acknowledge his anniversary is a selfish douche, in my book. Sorry, OP.
karlotta karlotta 7 years
I try and not force my boyfriend to pretend he likes to do things he doesn't. That way, I know that every time he looks happy, in love with me, or in the mood for sex, it's actually genuine. Since her guy isn't into special holidays, she should just drop it instead of trying to MAKE him into something he's not. As long as he loves her and treats her right, she shouldn't have expectations that are not compatible with who he is. Totally unrealstic, and the reason why a lot of married men look like they just swallowed live calamari.
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
If she wanted an actual gift in return for her gift, then she should have made it explicitly clear. Part of being a successful couple is getting these kind of things straightened out before someone gets hurt when the occasion arises. He does many other things during the year, which may seem to him as better than some flowers or another nice gift. Men usually express their affection in doing things for you...not necessarily buying things for you. Appreciate what you have, and next time ask for what you want. A little post it note that says "flowers might be nice ;) " can convey your message pretty clearly. However, I am all for spelling out your expectations.
danidaniramirez danidaniramirez 7 years
I know how it feels, but maybe he is not used to that... my bf didn't celebrate anniversaries and stuff.. and thanks to me.. he is excited now... he is always expecting a surprise !
Hiding55 Hiding55 7 years
I have been in this situation before so I know how it feels. It feels terrible! I always spend time and energy preparing for birthdays and holidays for other people and take extra care while doing so that everything is perfect. I don't think it's selfish to want someone to take the same time and consideration for you. Yeah, giving gifts isn't about getting something in return, but it sure feels nice when you do get something I return. Everyone likes to feel special once in a while.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I'm with RoaringSilence, too.
ali321 ali321 7 years
That stinks is all. I'm not in to mushy holidays either, but I would hope he could atleast say it lovingly. No need to be grumpy about it. I don't know how long they've been together. If it's long he should know by now that it matters to her. If it's not long then she needs to let him know.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
Should he have? Maybe it would be more effective for her to TELL HIM, instead of the internet. It seems he's disappointed her AGAIN. Why didn't she speak up last time?
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
spacekatgal I couldn't agree with you more. He should of known better that this was important to her.
opentypeA opentypeA 7 years
Some people are bigger into anniversaries and birthdays and whatnot than others. Personally I'm not, but that's beside the point. I think if she thought it was such a big deal, he should at least be a little more enthusiastic about it...and there are more ways to do that than just giving gifts -- he could "just" prepare dinner, spend some extra time with her, whatever. It sounds like he's probably not the most receptive guy in the world if he acts like he doesn't even care. I think that would make anyone feel bad.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
I'm absolutely in agreement with RoaringSilence on that second statement. I've never understood why anniversaries or holidays like Valentine's Day were such a big deal. It's so arbitrary to just decide once a year that today you're *really* going to act loving, no matter what the rest of the year is like.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
This lady needs to get her priorities straight. Giving gifts is not mainly about receiving one back, it's about making someone else happy. She didn't even mention whether or not her husband was excited about her gifts. I'm guessing he was, and she's pretty selfish if she can't appreciate that. Secondly, I would like to know how he treats her the other 364 days of the year. If he pays attention to her during those days, she really needs to stop complaining about one individual day of the year.
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