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Sunday Confessional: I Cheated on Our Resolution

My boyfriend has been smoking cigarettes since he was in high school; he is now 31. When we started dating, I was a non-smoker but I recently picked up on his habit. I've been suggesting that we both quit for some time now, but it wasn't until this New Year's Eve that he felt ready and determined to kick the habit. He knew it was going to be hard to quit, but doing it together made it seem much more manageable for him.

We were doing great — three days cigarette free — but last night when out with my girlfriends, I cheated and smoked two cigarettes. I tried to cover up the smell as best I could, but he was luckily asleep when I got home.

When I told him about my night with the girls the next day, I purposely left out what I had done. I want him to be successful in his quest, but I feel terrible for lying to him. I've since sneaked a couple more cigarettes, but he has no clue. Can I be forgiven for keeping my cheating to myself?

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MissJules5x MissJules5x 7 years
i think you should be honest about what you did and be prepared to actually stick to it. this isn't a healthy habit for either of you and if you continue to smoke you will hurt your health and also his chances of quitting if he doesn't feel like he has 100 percent support.
candace87 candace87 7 years
Oh, and also, I don't buy that you "feel so bad" about slipping.. what if you had "cheated" like.. actually cheated on him? Oops I kissed another man I feel soooo bad!! So then, over the next few days I did it a few more times!! OOOOOPS!! No, sorry, don't buy that.
candace87 candace87 7 years
Quitting smoking is a VERY hard thing for most people, if your husband has been smoking since highschool you can BET he's "slipped" waaaaay more than you have at this point. Cold turkey usually isn't the best route. If you can, see your doctor about this issue. If that isn't an option, maybe try out the patch or the nicorette gum?
cherrypop cherrypop 7 years
not forgive. I mean, if you've already made a determination to stop smoking with your bf, you should put in some effort into quitting. sneaking cigs behind his back isn't helping yourself and you're actually kinda backing out on a promise you made together with your bf. i suggest confessing your mistake and working it out together with him. i'm sure he'll understand. if such a thing continues, you'll never know if it can blow into a huge thing later on in the r/s.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 7 years
I think he'd understand a little lie like that. Smoking is hard to quit and cutting down is probably better than going cold turkey. Fess up now though, before it blows out of proportion.
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
this is such a small thing; forgive. but i don't get why you would start because he smoked, and then want him to stop smoking, but when he agrees you sneak smokes yourself. make up your mind already.
laluna laluna 7 years
My family is currently making funeral arrangements for my gran who passed away 2 days ago. She died of lung cancer as a result of being a smoker for a better part of her life. I have been her carer for the last 4 months and have watched her slowly waste away. The radiotherapy and watching her lose her hair was hard enough but the indignities she went through in her final days and her distress was absolutlely heartbreaking and i can only hope that one day when i think of her i will be able to forget all of that and remember her as she was before. I know i'm a bit raw right now but i just cant understand smokers, you know it could kill you (or others) and yet continue to do it. My own mother kept leaving the room for a smoke break while we were waiting for my gran to die, i know its not easy but i really really hope you take this more seriously and get some extra help if you need it. I dont want anyone to go through this kind of pain when it could have been avoided..
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 7 years
Smoking is a serious addiction with sometimes dire consequences. You need to take it more seriously then setting a future quit date for yourself.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 7 years
Forgive. Im not a smoker but I could imagine how hard it is. Its only the 4th day. You fell off, just get back on, and be more persistent. Dont tell your bf tho. That will just give him more reason to fall off as well. Good Luck =]
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 7 years
Forgive. But, I wouldn't tell him the truth, so he has a better chance of quitting for good (and that's the goal here). Also, if I were you, I would seriously try to quit (lots of people including me have lapsed...just start again...no, biggie), or else you should come clean...and do NOT ever smoke around him. I know it's a really hard thing to do, but you can do it. (Try to think of all the gross things about smoking when you feel like lighting up. That's what I do. I'm still struggling with it. :oops: ) Oh, I also keep Tootsie Pops around all the time. Some people like cinnamon sticks. I wish you both the best of luck.
GScott86 GScott86 7 years
*ypo...*dump the part* Anyway, good luck, and I know you can do it! And as for the poll...ignore it, there's no need to forgive or not forgive or w/e....people make mistakes, we all must learn from them and be better. The only option can be/should be forgiveness.
GScott86 GScott86 7 years
Yeh, so what, you lied about it. You felt guilty for what you did, and you want him to continue doing better. Some people just cave into things sometimes, maybe that cookie you said you'd give up. I say dumb the part about making it a new years resolution. Make it a choice and something you both will try. Don't hide it though, if you're doing this thing together, lean on each other and be honest. Don't be the cigarette police but trust each other to help getting through it. Don't give in to this crap about how people say it's hard and it's something you can't kick. People do it all the time. Just have to exercise self control, something we all have an abundance of if we just try. There's always that one point in time before you make a decision where there's a "do or don't" when you act, you make that decision. Try to avoid cigarettes if you have to I guess. Once you start moving away from a habit, eventually it will be erased from your life, but you have to keep working at it, and sometimes even after you've been successful. My new change is to stop using "foul language" I've tried it many times and have even gone some days without using a "bad word"...then I cave because I can't help it (irritation, stress etc) It can be done though, with anything.
PinkNC PinkNC 7 years
Relax and don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard for almost everyone to quit smoking. It takes more than one try before you can honestly stop.
red4bonez red4bonez 7 years
I voted forgive. The thing with smoking is that he is most likely cheating on it too. It is very hard to quit especially without any help like gum or those stupid stickers. So um quituing cold turkey is the hardest thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he was smoking too. What you gotta do is try quiting slowly. Smoke one cigarete or 2 cigarettes a day and the half a cigarette and then ull b able to just kick the habbit. And the good thing about both of you quiting is that you guys can b each other support. When ur craving that cigarete call him and see what he is doin. And maaybe that will help you out. Both you. Good luck to both of you. I quit about 4 years ago and I still sometimes crave cigarettes but you gotta b strong and not give into ur cravings.
karlotta karlotta 7 years
It's not because you've got no willpower that you should undermine his! So forgive - for his sake. And please quit right now - nothing like seeing your own Dad bald and in a hospital "clean" room to make you want to put out that crap for good.
Marci Marci 7 years
On one hand: Chalk this up to another New Year's resolution broken. On the other: Most people who try to quit smoking fall off the wagon along the way. Just because you slipped doesn't mean you won't make it. But come clean with your boyfriend. Even teeny weeny lies don't work in a relationship. Someone may slip and mention it in front of him and then he'll feel you lied to him and won't understand why you didn't tell him yourself. If you want the relationship to last, it's all about building trust - not about getting away with something.
krae85 krae85 7 years
You're lying to him and cheating yourself. Not forgive.
LoveSarah LoveSarah 7 years
Quiting is hard, and you have to be ready to quit. You can't quit for someone else, either, you have to quit for yourself. Plus, everyone quits in different ways, and cold turkey is so hard. Just do your best and don't beat yourself up over it.
whoiam whoiam 7 years
i think that yes forgive but you should stop anyway becaue thats just a nasty habit
lily3484 lily3484 7 years
FORGIVE. Quiting smoking was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It is near impossible to not have a few fall backs on thr journey to a smoke-free life. If you feel really guilty, you could come clean to your bf. I would praise him for his persistance and determination and come up with some ways to help you quit. Cold turkey is really hard! This may sound strange but I used to smoke tea to help with the cravings. I would take all of the nicotine out of the cig and refill it with herbal tea. The taste is not so great and eventually you ween yourself off the nicotine and can do without the cigs. Its really hard to be out with smokers too. Stay away from smokers until you feel confident that they wont bring you down. Cigs are a drug...surrounding yourself around smokers is a BAD idea.
frieddumpling frieddumpling 7 years
I think you should quit for the sake of yourself and your boyfriend. I voted not forgive because after that one night with your girlfriends, you've since sneaked a few more cigarettes and it has only been a few days into 2009! Either you seriously commit to the new year resolution you both made or tell him the truth now because he's bound to find out sooner or later.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 7 years
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