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Sunday Confessional: I Exposed Her Secrets on My Blog

I started a personal blog about a year ago as a way to keep track of my life post-college. In the beginning, it was more of a casual thing, but over time, and as I gained a few readers it became more serious. Friends and family knew about it, but I never really made it accessible for them. In fact, many of the people in the posts involve my closest friends and family members — though I've always given them pseudonyms.

One friend in particular has had some bad months lately, and I often found myself blogging about her and her messy life. She's made a lot of poor decisions, and I think posting it on my blog was a way for me to talk through it without actually talking about it with anyone who might know her. Long story short, she recently discovered my site — I have no idea how — but she was enraged and deeply hurt.

She feels that her trust has been violated, and that I've completely stabbed her in the back. And of course, she's upset by the opinions I have of her. She's cut me out of her life, and informed mutual friends about my blog, who have now also turned on me. I understand why she feels the way she does, but I never meant for anyone to find out. My personal life is a wreck now! It's like my diary has been exposed. I've pulled down my blog, and I want to make things right, but can I ever be forgiven?

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calli-gurl calli-gurl 7 years
depends. did u give out her real information or just the situation? by that i mean, did u give out her name and stuff or did u just write about what happened and not any of the information hinting on who she is? if u did give those out, i would never forgive u. but if u didnt and no one would really know who she is by reading it, its pretty forgivable.
EricaJane EricaJane 8 years
wow.. well, it sounds like something I would accidentally do with no bad intentions, but not really thinking it all the way through.. that said, I had to go with not forgiving, because I would be too embarrassed to move past it. I think that if you're in denial or can be outraged by someone's opinions of your bad choices, then you on some level realize they were bad, but aren't being honest with yourself.. I have very real experience with this, because I practically lost my best friend by telling her I thought she was lost, and making irrational decisions.. she got very upset, when all I was trying to do was make sure she was taking time to think major life decisions through.. It didn't end well, and we barely speak.. I feel sad that it played out the way it did, but I also don't regret being honest and trying my best to be a good friend. She didn't see it that way, but that was how it was meant, and I stand by my concerns..
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
Why would you say that you feel like your diary has been exposed when you have chosen a public forum in which to write this information??? How is that in any way, shape or form private? You violated your friends trust, and I really don't think that is forgivable at all. I think it is pretty cruel to air out other peoples dirty laundry because you have nothing interesting to say about yourself! Obviously you have some of your own issues to work through. I find often people who gossip or say mean things about others see qualities in these people that they hate in themselves. It is time to look inward and find out why you ever thought it was ok to do this. How would you feel if someone starting blogging about your personal life?
DARiEN DARiEN 8 years
even it you didnt use her name, i wouldve been pissed if my friend had done that to me. i mean, shes TRUSTING you with information about her own, personal life, and you go, and spread it on the interent? wtf? id be surprised if she still talks to you..
emmebeth emmebeth 8 years
This happened to me- except I was the one who found the blog. It wasn't that my friend was posting information about me (she used pseudonyms and nothing was particularly blasphemous), it was the fact that she couldn't confront me about all the things she felt were wrong.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
my friends would hate me if i wrote about them in a blog and they found out how i really felt about them. why? because anything i have to say about you, i normally say it to your face. you spend money on a dead-beat boyfriend, you know how i feel. he's a loser, and you're a donkey for taking care of him. see, no need to write it on a blog. i'm a grown woman. --- to me, this is like gossiping, except you knew that if you told other friends, it would turn into a "he said, she said" thing, and the sh*t would hit the fan. that's why you went to Internet junkies. my grandmother said (when i was a kid)to beware of a gossiper. if they come in your face talking about someone else, imagine what they say about you.
7kimba7 7kimba7 8 years
Not forgive. the internet is public, and it's very clear that it wasn't an online journal that is password protected and you are the only one who can read it. venting about another person online is different than venting about someone who cut you off in traffic or the bug you found in the bathroom cabinet. What you did is very disrespectful. You publicly aired someone else's dirty laundry. I wouldn't forgive if you were my friend.
MartiniLush MartiniLush 8 years
gossipqueen, you really summed it up perfectly!
alltherage alltherage 8 years
have u heard of jessica cutler and the washingtonian... a blog is never anonymous -- or at least its not completely safe from remaining that way.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
*NOT FORGIVE* Karma is a bitch and so are you! It was going to bite you back.
ABear ABear 8 years
You do realize you can get sued for anything you say on a blog... Why would you slander a friend?
MartiniLush MartiniLush 8 years
You know this is also the first time I have voted NOT FORGIVE as well. What clinched that decision for me was this line: "I understand why she feels the way she does, but I never meant for anyone to find out." Oh, really? Then why did you blog it out on the internet for the world to see??? Get real! Instead of trashing your friend on the internet for decisions you thought were bad for her, why didn't you sit down with her and try to help her?
vmruby vmruby 8 years
I'd be feeling pretty betrayed and pissed off if it were me. You crossed the line big time. Maybe you should allow your friend remove the knife out of her back first before you even attempt to ask her for forgiveness.......
Sporky Sporky 8 years
I said not forgive. If it was done with her consent that would be one thing. But this was a huge violation of privacy. Badly done.
lovelie lovelie 8 years
I am going to try and be as sugar-coating as possible, seems a lot of others have been kind of harsh. This was not a very good idea, which you obviously know now. I am not going to say whether you should be forgiven or not because it really is irrelevant. I think Jillerin's post hit it on the head. I think deep down...maybe even subconsciously, you meant for this to be found. I know sometimes our friends can really get under our skin. I have a friend that sometimes, her problems can overwhelm me and you just need a place to vent. If this friend chooses not to forgive you, I strongly encourage you to really learn from this situation. In the future, find a safe and productive environment to vent issues about friends, because you never know when your words will come back to haunt you. Good Luck!
bigestivediscuit bigestivediscuit 8 years
Not forgive. You might have to find yourself some new friends!
jaxon jaxon 8 years
I say forgive...While it was really stupid...PAPER IS JUST AS GOOD! (No good can come from "going green" lol. These were your thoughts and it seems she is more upset to know what you really think. From now on tell your friends the truth vs. what you think they want to hear
ravanwild ravanwild 8 years
when will people figure it out,, don't say something, or write something, you wouldn't say to their face
AmberHoney AmberHoney 8 years
I have a problem with airing your "stuff" on blogs - sometimes it's just too personal. I can't believe some of the stuff I read now-a-days. Sorry, but I be very pissed!
justanerd1975 justanerd1975 8 years
sorry for the vent! sore spot. Just thought you should know how it feels, from the other sides end. Go and apologize to her, and if she won't listen to you, write it in a letter.
justanerd1975 justanerd1975 8 years
I should tell you that this is coming from someone who knows exactly how this feels, my husband and I moved a family member into our home and paid for all of her needs to help her get onto her feet after a bad situation, and we had problems with her generally being disrespectful of our home, family and house rules while she was here,we always talked to her privately about these problems and we never told a soul never mind blogged about her attitude towards us, she always portryed herself as so sorry and oh, I'm just a mess and Oh I am so thankful for you and your wonderful family and all your help yada yada yada, so imagine how shocked,hurt and betrayed we were to find that she was "MySpacing" opinions about us that were hurtful, comments that were mean-spirited and when confronted she said "It was ONLY venting..." we never knew she felt that way, it felt like we had a liar in our home ( we did!) and turns out a lot of what she was complaining about,about us, was exxagerated so ridiculously that they were outright lies (like my not letting her use my car till she got a lisence turned into I was supposed to let her use my car as part of her paying rent(something we never asked her to do and something she never did either!,)and I wasn't, so she had to walk 3 hours in the snow everyday!! I don't know if she was trying to ellicit sympathy or what but between her saying such hurtful things about us online while she fakely smiled in our faces, lived in our home rent-free and ate all our food, all the while begging me to take her places and to go out with me and my friends, and then also telling lies to "sweeten" her story I guess, we felt as if we were seeing a whole new person when we read her entries. Sadly, she refused to apologize,let alone make things right, and ALL of our family members have been affected by this. You may not have told lies, but you voiced unfavorable opinions about her that you never shared with her and told all her business and I can imagine she feels a lot like I did...totally betrayed.
xoxoxx xoxoxx 8 years
megln1022, I think you're speaking of Kristopher Dukes? Didn't she have a similar situation?
justanerd1975 justanerd1975 8 years
you've been a dishonest, sneaky rat All.These.Months.(Years???) And you expect her, or anyone else, to trust in your character ever again? Pshhh, you have a lot of changing to do inwardly to even begin to earn back anyone's trust. You can kiss that friendship, and tons of other, good-bye. And I'm gonna guess that your blog-buddies never meant as much to you as the friendships you are losing now! I hope you PUBLICLY admitted to your rat-ness and apologized to everyone you talked about (not naming names) and to everyone who read any of it, Before you shut down your precious blog! If you didn't you should put one back up just to apologize, and leave it up as such: a one-entry,apology post. That's just for your own self-respect.
eshellmoyer eshellmoyer 8 years
I initially put forgive, but after reading that your friend was a blogger on Gawker, it seems like it was only natural for her to find it and be horribly hurt. If I was your friend I would also not trust that you didn't just write about my business to gain readers for your blog. I guess I would still try to forgive, but it would be really hard once that trust was broken.
geebers geebers 8 years
Sorry I too am going to be harsh and vote NOT FORGIVE. And I am going to give it to you straight: How naive are you?? You posted a BLOG. A BLOG!! A Blog is a PUBLIC journal for all to see. Sure you used pseudonyms BUT you clearly say that people knew you had a blog. Did you really think it was OK to post without permission about someone else in a public forum? You have zero respect for your friends and you should feel ashamed of yourself for what you did. It is one thing to post about YOUR life but to go ahead and say personal things about someone else on a PUBLIC website... and then act as if you didnt do anything wrong because it is your diary? Cmon - you weren't born yesterday. You better be begging for forgiveness because you broke the code of friendship in two horrible ways- trust and respect.
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