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Sunday Confessional — I Had a Threesome

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and I love him with all my heart. We live together and we've begun to seriously talk about getting married. He's been out of town for the past month on a work project and though I miss him, I've been having a lot of fun with my friends. Over the weekend I went over to my best friend's house for dinner. She lives with her boyfriend and the four of us spend a lot of time together. Jokingly, the subject of a threesome came up. They've been wanting to try it for some time now, and since they know I've had one before, they drilled me with all sorts of questions. It's not something I usually talk about since my boyfriend is utterly opposed to the idea, but after a few glasses of wine, we started to have fun with it. As the night went on, one thing led to another and I ended in the bedroom with them. Before things got too crazy, I realized what I was doing and I quickly got up and left.

I'm terribly ashamed by what I have done. Not only am I embarrassed to see/talk to my friends again, but I cheated on my boyfriend with a couple we spend most of our time with. I don't doubt that they would have the decency to keep this between us, but it's already eating me up inside and it's only been two days! I've never kept a secret from my boyfriend before but I know for a fact that this will ruin our relationship. Can I be forgiven if I leave well enough alone? I'm so confused and have no clue what to do.

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duna123 duna123 7 years
You stopped it and thats the most important thing people make mistakes as long as this is this is the first last and only mistake.
erock0628 erock0628 7 years
girl i understand wut u did was not so good but i if i were u i would keep this to myself you prob should talk to your friends and tell them to keep this to them selfs to i hope everything works out at the end though
lilmshoneyqueen lilmshoneyqueen 7 years
Girl dont tell him.. Honestly you dont want to ruin the relationship. and u did the right thing by stopping..
lilmshoneyqueen lilmshoneyqueen 7 years
Girl dont tell him.. Honestly you dont want to ruin the relationship. and u did the right thing by stopping..
mandyaskari mandyaskari 7 years
damn what you did girl, but still u can be forgiven .make sure not to do it again...............
mcockram mcockram 7 years
Move
athena29 athena29 7 years
things happens and you realized it was getting out of hand and stopped yourself. Be sure to talk to your friends about your bounderies and don't tell your bf. It's not something you want to do again and if you trust yourself, end it at that
justlovingit justlovingit 7 years
I think you should tell him. You have to remember that karma is a bitch and when you lie, the truth comes out whether it'd be a week or years. I am 21 and have been married for 3 years. My husband was deployed for 15 months and neither of us EVER cheated on the other person. Because we love each other and respect one another. That alcohol crap is bullshit... I've gotten drunk before and have never ended up doing anything I will regret. Your guy sounds like a really good guy and if he is thinking of marrying you, you NEED to tell him...It's not good to begin a marriage with lies. & since you guys hang out with this couple, it will eventually come out... Just let him know exactly what happened and if he leaves you, then you deserved it. There are always consequences to every action...
justlovingit justlovingit 7 years
I think you should tell him. You have to remember that karma is a bitch and when you lie, the truth comes out whether it'd be a week or years. I am 21 and have been married for 3 years. My husband was deployed for 15 months and neither of us EVER cheated on the other person. Because we love each other and respect one another. That alcohol crap is bullshit... I've gotten drunk before and have never ended up doing anything I will regret. Your guy sounds like a really good guy and if he is thinking of marrying you, you NEED to tell him...It's not good to begin a marriage with lies. & since you guys hang out with this couple, it will eventually come out... Just let him know exactly what happened and if he leaves you, then you deserved it. There are always consequences to every action...
justlovingit justlovingit 7 years
I think you should tell him. You have to remember that karma is a bitch and when you lie, the truth comes out whether it'd be a week or years. I am 21 and have been married for 3 years. My husband was deployed for 15 months and neither of us EVER cheated on the other person. Because we love each other and respect one another. That alcohol crap is bullshit... I've gotten drunk before and have never ended up doing anything I will regret. Your guy sounds like a really good guy and if he is thinking of marrying you, you NEED to tell him...It's not good to begin a marriage with lies. & since you guys hang out with this couple, it will eventually come out... Just let him know exactly what happened and if he leaves you, then you deserved it. There are always consequences to every action...
Symphonee Symphonee 7 years
There's a reason you fell guilty. Tell him because do you really think that you could continue in the realtionship as if nothing happened. I'm not saying whether you were right or wrong just that you should be honest with him.
gbychan gbychan 7 years
You should definitely be the one he hears about this from. You could try writing him a short letter explaining what happened, hand it to him, and insist that he reads the whole thing in front of you before commenting. Good luck.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 7 years
This is complicated -- I'm not making any judgment except to say that you HAVE to tell him. If you don't and you do end up marrying AND he finds out later, that is a much bigger betrayal than what you did. I agree that you need to be prepared for all reactions, and I also agree that if a threesome really turns you on (and it sounds like they do since you rather easily let yourself join one), then your bf needs to understand this. I wonder if it would have been less bad if it were with strangers, and not mutual friends? Good luck.
margokhal margokhal 7 years
Too many factors here, it depends on how honest you're going to be with yourself and your boyfriend. You've had a threesome before, so you have previous experience with this. Are you ashamed because the previous time, you didn't really WANT to do it and you feel like you've "changed your ways" and just strayed for a bit, or are you ashamed because your boyfriend is opposed to it? Did your boyfriend know that you've already had a threesome, before this happened? How did he react to that? Because that will tell you how he's going to react if you tell him you did it...again. If you like having threesomes, and you're with somebody who's against them...maybe you're with the wrong person . I don't know much about threesomes, but I suppose I can see the arrangement working when EVERYBODY knows what's going on and is okay with it. Your boyfriend was out of the loop on that when this happened [and definitely not in the loop if you haven't told him about the experience before!], and the relationship won't last if you're not honest with him.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
I think you have to ask yourself why a threesome a second time. I could see trying it once, like you did, to experiment, but, there you go again, putting yourself in a sexual situation with two other people, WHILE in a supposedly committed relationship. You have fucked up stuff going on in your head that you need to deal with. I feel terrible for your boyfriend. Whether to tell him or not, I don't know, but you need to figure your own shit out without draggin him down with you.
Janine22 Janine22 7 years
I think your friends had the situation all set up before you even got there, to be honest. So, it was your fault for going along with it and not identifying your boundaries with them when they first brought it up. Time to come clean because otherwise he may find out from them eventually or else the guilt will eat you up. Also, if you are seriously considering marrying this guy he has a right to know all of the facts. In the future, do not allow situations like this to occur by reading peoples signals and leaving before things get to that point.
dm8bri dm8bri 7 years
I'm so confused by this entire situation that I can't even attempt an answer.
ffemt1201 ffemt1201 7 years
not forgive, sorry. i guess my answer is based on your intentions of going through with the threesome, before your guilt made you stop.
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 7 years
I chose not forgive you are grown and in control of what you do and don't do. I say tell him before he hears it from someone else.
rellicDragon rellicDragon 7 years
Do not tell him ... Rather talk to your friends about it and tell them to keep the secret too to save your relationship ... I donno if I can forgive or not ... rather I would want you to try n save your relationship ...
geebers geebers 7 years
I can't understand how many people are forgiving you. I would not forgive you at all. Alcohol is no excuse for cheating- you did something that you know your boyfriend would be upset to hear. To me- that is wrong and that is cheating. You should tell him - I would want to know immediately if my boyfriend did this so I could dump him early on and find a guy more agreed with my morals. Sounds harsh but I have no patience for cheaters. At all.
starangel82 starangel82 7 years
*deal with him
starangel82 starangel82 7 years
Seems like you've gotten yourself into a tough spot. Personally, I think you should fess up and deal with the consequences. If you don't tell now, your friends may slip and then your boyfriend will be really hurt and upset that you didn't tell him. If your boyfriend decides to forgive you, then you're going to have to be ready to deal with hom not completely trusting you for a long time. Personally, I couldn't forgive this, but other people may be more forgiving than I am.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 7 years
Couple of points to make "jokingly the subject of a threesome came up" I am 35 years old and have had many friends, been in many group situations and Never has a threesome just "come up". Your boyfriend needs to know that a) you love the threesomes obviously this being your second in that department and b) your not faithful especially with some alcohol in you and c) your not mature enough to be in a commited relationship.
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