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Sunday Confessional: She Ditched Me For Her Boyfriend


I’ve been planning to move from my hometown to the larger city nearby to move in with my best friend. Since we’ve had time to plan ahead, we’ve spent the past two months looking for just the perfect place. After a couple of false starts, we finally found a great spot and were planning to sign the lease this weekend.

However, much to my absolute shock, before I left to drive into the city for the lease signing, she called me and told me that she couldn’t move in with me. I guess in the past month, her on-again off-again boyfriend of a year told her that he wanted to move in with her. Of course she jumped at the chance but was too afraid to tell me because she knew I would be angry and upset.

Well guess what: I am angry and upset! I start work in two weeks with no place to live; it would have been nice if she could have just been upfront with me from the beginning so I could have had more time to look for my own place. When I got upset with her, she turned it around and attacked me for not being supportive. I am so frustrated with her selfish behavior and I really can’t believe she chose her boyfriend over me. I am so hurt by this that I just want to walk away from this friendship altogether. Should I forgive her for this?

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starinajar starinajar 7 years
Your "friend" did something very immature. She knew that you two were going to move in together, and she probably also knew that you had to find a place to live so you could start your new job. For her just to leave you hanging there over some guy that she's been on and off with is just pathetic. Forgive me for the comparison, but this is very Lauren versus Heidi and Spencer. She should have been up front with you from the beginning, as you said. I don't think she deserves to be forgiven. I'm assuming that once she goes through the 'off' stage in her relationship she'll come crawling back to you, until things with her boyfriend are alright again. You deserve better friends who will keep their word and be up front with you.
starinajar starinajar 7 years
Your "friend" did something very immature. She knew that you two were going to move in together, and she probably also knew that you had to find a place to live so you could start your new job. For her just to leave you hanging there over some guy that she's been on and off with is just pathetic. Forgive me for the comparison, but this is very Lauren versus Heidi and Spencer.She should have been up front with you from the beginning, as you said. I don't think she deserves to be forgiven. I'm assuming that once she goes through the 'off' stage in her relationship she'll come crawling back to you, until things with her boyfriend are alright again. You deserve better friends who will keep their word and be up front with you.
Jacinthe Jacinthe 7 years
I don't think she's in the wrong for wanting to move in with her boyfriend, however, she should have told you sooner.
Renees3 Renees3 7 years
she's obviously not too concerned with your life, so I wouldn't bother worrying about hers. I'd just go on with your life, and try to put her behind you
ktownpolarbear ktownpolarbear 7 years
wow. she's supposed to be your best friend? that is so messed up.
LoveLearnHappy LoveLearnHappy 7 years
Forgive her. Always forgive. For your own benefit. Then walk away, for a little while at least. You're probably too angry and have lost too much trust for her to try and be buddy-buddy again, but that doesn't mean the friendship can't be salvaged in the future. Sometimes when people know they have done something terrible, they can't admit to themselves. That might be why she turned it around on you. Every body does awful things to their friends at some point. It's a part of growing up. What seperates good friends from bad friends isn't the absence of hurting each other, but being able to own up, apologize, and learn from it. Give her time to learn from this. If she's a good friend, she will apologize and you will see genuine change in her behavior. If she doesn't, you have the peace of mind knowing that you did nothing wrong and that you just rid your life of a toxic person.
LoveLearnHappy LoveLearnHappy 7 years
Forgive her. Always forgive. For your own benefit. Then walk away, for a little while at least. You're probably too angry and have lost too much trust for her to try and be buddy-buddy again, but that doesn't mean the friendship can't be salvaged in the future. Sometimes when people know they have done something terrible, they can't admit to themselves. That might be why she turned it around on you. Every body does awful things to their friends at some point. It's a part of growing up. What seperates good friends from bad friends isn't the absence of hurting each other, but being able to own up, apologize, and learn from it. Give her time to learn from this. If she's a good friend, she will apologize and you will see genuine change in her behavior. If she doesn't, you have the peace of mind knowing that you did nothing wrong and that you just rid your life of a toxic person.
jaxon jaxon 7 years
Let her go! She has not asked for your forgiveness so let it go. Guaranteed she will need you to bail her out with the b/f and I say leave her hanging. Not to be rude or catty to her but b/c she needs to learn and grow up and part of that is by getting knocked on your butt.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 7 years
I would forgive. And then I would just forget about her. You should give her the cold shoulder for a while after you get settled. She screwed you big time, and if she doesnt realize that she really jeopardized things for you due to her selfishness, then she is a shitty friend. And there are far too many cool people out there for you to meet in your new city to worry about the shitty ones! She'll prob call you to hang out. You shouldnt answer or call her back.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 7 years
Im sorry but I wouldnt forgive her in this situation, she watched you go through all the trouble in finding a place and moving. Even if she wasnt sure if she was going to move in with her bf, she shoulve told the that there might be a possibilty. That was extremely selfish and down right evil of your friend to do that. Im not saying to cut her out your life forever, but I doubt the relationship will ever be the same.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 7 years
Im sorry but I wouldnt forgive her in this situation, she watched you go through all the trouble in finding a place and moving. Even if she wasnt sure if she was going to move in with her bf, she shoulve told the that there might be a possibilty. That was extremely selfish and down right evil of your friend to do that. Im not saying to cut her out your life forever, but I doubt the relationship will ever be the same.
imLissy imLissy 7 years
wow, what a crappy thing to do to someone! I'd never talk to her again.
allien86 allien86 7 years
i agree with hypnoticmix.
allien86 allien86 7 years
i agree with hypnoticmix.
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
ever hear they saying "when you don't get what you want you get something better"? it really is best that you didn't move in with her. not forgive, but consider yourself lucky. that flake was almost on a lease with you!
bellydancinmary bellydancinmary 7 years
She is so selfish, it appalls (is that how you spell it?) me. Don't forgive her, just end the friendship. Her selfishness causes you to be at risk of being homeless for a while, that doesn't sound like a good friend to me. She should have been straight-up with you, and she should have told you what was going on. Don't talk to her, don't tell her where you live because she will eventually come crawling back to you, wanting to crash at your place because her and her boyfriend got into a fight. I wish you the best of luck in getting a new place and being financially stable in your job. I also wish you the best of luck in finding new, considerate, nicer friends.
bellydancinmary bellydancinmary 7 years
She is so selfish, it appalls (is that how you spell it?) me. Don't forgive her, just end the friendship. Her selfishness causes you to be at risk of being homeless for a while, that doesn't sound like a good friend to me. She should have been straight-up with you, and she should have told you what was going on. Don't talk to her, don't tell her where you live because she will eventually come crawling back to you, wanting to crash at your place because her and her boyfriend got into a fight. I wish you the best of luck in getting a new place and being financially stable in your job. I also wish you the best of luck in finding new, considerate, nicer friends.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 7 years
Sure you should forgive her and you should also end the friendship. Not forgiving her would only serve to provide you with a sour recollection which will only serve as a perpetual irritation to you. I'm not sure how long ago this happened but if she does not step forward in a humble way and assume full responsibility for jacking up your plans, being inconsiderate, deceitful, and projecting the blame onto you than you need to release let her go, period. She made choice and that's fine but she must also own her actions and take full responsibility. If she can't do that than she is no friend of yours.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 7 years
Sure you should forgive her and you should also end the friendship. Not forgiving her would only serve to provide you with a sour recollection which will only serve as a perpetual irritation to you. I'm not sure how long ago this happened but if she does not step forward in a humble way and assume full responsibility for jacking up your plans, being inconsiderate, deceitful, and projecting the blame onto you than you need to release let her go, period. She made choice and that's fine but she must also own her actions and take full responsibility. If she can't do that than she is no friend of yours.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Not forgive. Your friend was very immature and self-centered. She left you high and dry. Walk away from the frienship.
cvandoorn cvandoorn 7 years
I chose 'not forgive' because your friend did such an awful thing! But you know what, living on your own is so much better. Yeah, you'll have to pay for all the bills and stuff, but it beats having to live with somebody else who already shows she isn't considerate of your feelings. And then the nerve to turn it around on you...ugh. Why should you be supportive of a selfish chick? Best of luck to you finding your own place and getting all that sorted out!
cvandoorn cvandoorn 7 years
I chose 'not forgive' because your friend did such an awful thing! But you know what, living on your own is so much better. Yeah, you'll have to pay for all the bills and stuff, but it beats having to live with somebody else who already shows she isn't considerate of your feelings. And then the nerve to turn it around on you...ugh. Why should you be supportive of a selfish chick? Best of luck to you finding your own place and getting all that sorted out!
hills hills 7 years
she should have deff been up front with u and it sounds very unfair, but try to remember why you are friends, the good times u have had, anyone would be angary and you should tell her when you have clamed down what u want to say without yelling, reason with her, and ask her to think how she would feel being in the situation you're in. i hope there is a way round you for this, only you can truly tell if this is forgivable, but try and put yourself in her shoes and figure out if you would be the same put in her own situation, not how you would like to handle it but how u truly would, mayb that will help.
aimeeb aimeeb 7 years
I think in time you might be able to forgive her. I can't blame her for wanting to live with her boyfriend but she could of handled the situation a lot better. I think some time apart and a nice apology attempt on her behalf is needed.
aimeeb aimeeb 7 years
I think in time you might be able to forgive her. I can't blame her for wanting to live with her boyfriend but she could of handled the situation a lot better.I think some time apart and a nice apology attempt on her behalf is needed.
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