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Group Therapy: I Want a Baby Now, but My BF Doesn't Know

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I was with my first boyfriend for 4 years and lived together, got along great . . . but  I always said I never wanted kids. We broke up because we grew apart. And now I have been with my new boyfriend for 2 years and we live together.

And for some reason, I want kids with him! It's all I think about. Getting married and having one or two kids. I dream about it and even hope my period will be late. The thing is, I just started taking birth control, but right before I started we weren't using protection, and a part of me wants to take a pregnancy test and hope it's positive so I can stop taking the BC.

I know it may sound crazy but I finally know I want to be with this guy forever. And he's going away for his job for 6 months to Afghanistan soon and I would love to be pregnant and have a part of him be home with me. Is this crazy or is it my "clock" ticking? Is there really a time when your body just wants to reproduce? It's just so weird because I was so against having kids before.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 5 years
That's great to hear, Cee! Congratulations and Good Luck!
BriannaLovesKaty BriannaLovesKaty 5 years
Wow great to hear about the latest comment, Lucky :D Good luck with the beautiful baby !
cee06 cee06 5 years
Its me who wrote this ( I dont know how to not post anonymously, seems to do that on its own?) Thank you all for your comments!! I have thought about how lonely it would be to not have his support. And decided to just wait and talk to him when he gets back. Hes leaving this February. But you will never guess what happened! I didnt even say anything to him about this yet, and the other day he sat me down and says "So I have been thinking.... when I get back, I wanna have a baby" And Im like...."WHAT?!" It was such a coincidence its crazy, he actually wants to try!! And we will be financially stable and moving to a house and I will have graduated from cosmetology school by then. It's just perfect how it worked out!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Just talk to him! Maybe he wants a baby too.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 5 years
Have you tried telling him you want kids? I don't even understand what the problem here is if he wants them too.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
I know just how you feel. Didn't want kids for the longest time & then over a few months, I began to realize that I really do want kids (or at least one) because I want to have a baby that is half from my hubby. I know how wonderful he is and the world could use another person like that - and it would be a joy to have a little phil running around. But we're still working on getting onto stable financial footing & really want to own a house before we get pregnant. So, it's all in a holding pattern while we work our butts off to save up money and pay off debt. He's not quite ready, but since it'll probably be a couple of years away, we have time to talk through any emotional issues that come up. Trust me, you want this to be *with* your partner & not while he's half a world away. Think you'll worry about and miss him now? Wait til pregnancy hormones kick in, you aint seen nothing yet. Stick with your bc unless you're certain you're pregnant & talk to your partner. If you two are ready, good luck and let us know if you need help figuring out when you're fertile, lol.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 5 years
As stated above, you definitely need to talk to him about having a child, is his decision too. I also think you should wait until he returns from Afghanistan. A pregnancy is not easy and you need all the support you can get from the father of your child. Also, don't take the opportunity to see his baby grow from inception from him--if I were a man, I would of want to be there for my baby.
Rasberry-Sorbet Rasberry-Sorbet 5 years
I dont think its wrong to want a child. I do think the mature thing to do is to have a conversation with your boyfriend to define what you are doing and his intentions towards you. Your needs to parent a child and have a family are admirable. You would be a great mother. But you need to make sure you have chosen the right father and consider if he wants to be a father. He is on active duty and will not be there during your potential pregnancy. That is a huge loss of support for you. If you and he both want to have kids, maybe talk to him and plan it the best way. It would be more beneficial if he were there and available for you during your pregnancy and for the child. The child needs his prescence too. I know mistakes happen, then you have to just do what you have to do, but consciously choose to start a family the mature way and consider marriage. My advice is dont but the cart before the horse.Lastly, you may feel like you will miss him a great deal for 6 months and need a part of him here with you. Its normal to grieve his loss for that period but dont bring a baby into this to be a buffer for that loss. That's not fair to you or the baby. Do it for the right reasons.
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