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Taking a Break From Dating

Group Therapy: Is It Weird That I've Given Up Dating For 2011?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey everyone, I'm looking for some feedback on a decision I've made, because I've gotten some skeptical feedback from a couple friends and it's given me a couple doubts.

A little background: I'm 24 years old, and have only ever had one serious relationship, which lasted about two years and ended nearly a year ago. It was a pretty unhealthy one-sided relationship, and I guess because it was my "first love," I took it harder than most would, but the last couple of months, I have been feeling like I'm finally just about over it. Other than this guy, I have never even dated anyone else, aside from a couple group dates with guys that fizzled out before I even met my ex.

Even though I have such limited dating experience for someone my age, I've still decided that I don't really want to be dating at all this year, in part because for the most part I'm enjoying being completely on my own right now, and also just because of where I am in my life (I'm a student and will be living in a different town by September, even though I don't know yet where that will be, so there's lots of stress and uncertainty going on in my life). After spending about 6 months after the breakup wallowing in misery, lately I've been able to focus on myself and am doing things I never would have had the time to do if I was still bending my life around my ex like I used to (like learning French, taking extra classes, and raising my GPA, and working out regularly, for starters).

Anyway, I have a few friends that think I really should be "out there" and dating around a lot to make up for lost time.

Read the rest here.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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ASTROGODDESS ASTROGODDESS 4 years
Be single. Enjoy yourself. Take time to be alone. Don't open doors until you want to. Your going to know when you are ready to date again..you will feel like it....you are aware of that! Just not right now.
shreerose shreerose 4 years
I think that's great! :)
darc5204 darc5204 4 years
There's nothing wrong with spending time on yourself and not actively pursuing a relationship. Still, I can't get behind the idea of turning down a potentially fun date solely because of some arbitrary hiatus. Also, you can take French, work out, and study hard, while still going on the occasional date! Even in a serious relationship, you shouldn't give all of your free time away.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 4 years
I'm with those who say it's best to just go with the flow for now. Don't actively seek someone out by asking to be set up, doing online dating, etc. But, if you happen to meet someone, don't close yourself off to the possibility of dating him.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
I did the same thing when I went to university, mainly because, like you, I'd just left my first serious relationship. I spent 2 years finishing school and being focused on myself and blissfully happy not dating or hooking up with anyone. But I also think if in that time I'd met someone I deeply cared about, I would have made an exception. It's great to set boundaries for yourself, but don't get in the way of your own happiness either.
evLeigh evLeigh 4 years
I'm on a dating hiatus myself. Nothing strange about it.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
*you're. embarassing.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
Hm, I don't know. The fact that your friends (who know you better than we do, obviously) are discouraging this makes me think twice. I think that choosing not to "look" for a guy or not to "get out there" is probably good, but what if you're missing out on a super fun fling before you head out? What if you meet the man your going to marry when you go to school? Will you regret not having funny bad dating stories and knowing that you had the dating pu pu platter? It just seems like you're potentially cutting off some life experiences that could be positive or at least lasting memories. Just things to consider. Of course you know your needs better than anyone.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
I don't think this is a bad decision. I have also taken time off from dating to spoil myself and do things solely for me. It was actually a lot of fun. If you'd like to self-improve, there's nothing wrong with that. Sssh, don't tell anyone, but guess what? There will still be men in 2012! You're probably not going to fuck up your entire life by taking a year for yourself.
Girl-Jen Girl-Jen 4 years
I stopped dating for a year. It was awesome. I'm still here. I don't think it's strange or wrong at all. Life is not a linear process, and spending a year on improving and enjoying yourself is not going to ruin your chances of finding a relationship. Have fun!
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 4 years
It's always good to take some time to focus on yourself, especially after a big heartbreak. I don't, however, think you should put an arbitrary time frame on it. I.e., if you meet a guy this year, I don't think you should stick to a strict "no dating for one year" policy. Instead, decide to take time to focus on you for as long as it feels right for you and when you are ready, you can choose to date again. You may be ready in 3 months or it may take the full 12. The important thing is to be open to whatever happens while you are taking the time to focus on you.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
OP, Rather than be on the 'hunt,' look for a guy who has similar interests. For example, find a guy who also is studying French. And don't tie yourself down to just one guy until you are ready to officially make it exclusive. If you find one guy that wants to study French with you, find another guy that likes to go jogging. Don't refuse a French-study partner just because you have a jogging partner. Find a guy with similar interests and spend time with him doing those interests, NOT dating him until you are ready to date him.
Pistil Pistil 4 years
If you have the opportunity for self improvement, go for it! It's not like the opportunity is lost once in a relationship, but when you're not attached you can be totally focused on you. Be content with yourself and your own life first, and then find someone to share it with. Sounds good to me.
BiWife BiWife 4 years
Good for you! If you're happy being single, be single. You're in a place in life where you've got a crazy schedule going on & are already pulled in several directions at once. There's no need to throw obligatory dates in there as well. Let a relationship happen organically rather than constantly "getting out there" to try and play the numbers game. Let your friends stress over bs while you set a solid foundation for life & career, you'll be much happier. Maybe they'll take your example, even.
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