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Things He Should Know: Chivalry Lives?

This new feature, Things He Should Know, is geared toward all the men out there looking for a little helpful information or perspective about the women in their lives. Perhaps you can share some of these tips with the fellas in your life. As we already know, it helps to get friendly feedback and direction from each other!

To read about chivalry in relationships

Times have changed and dating is a whole new ballgame; even the last few decades have been a blur of transition for both sexes. But this doesn't mean the fundamentals of courting a woman aren't still relevant and appreciated.

Opening the the car door, offering to pay for a drink or dinner, or ringing the doorbell instead of announcing yourself via cell phone are gestures that most women still appreciate.

Felicity Huffman and Patricia Wolff write in their Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend, "Chivalry may not be dead, but it sure is on life support". What do you think, ladies and gentlemen? Do men who possess old-school manners have the edge when hoping to court a woman or create a long-lasting relationship? Or are we all satisfied with the new standards for dating and romance?

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Luli1 Luli1 9 years
katie225 I love that advice!
Luli1 Luli1 9 years
katie225 I love that advice!
katie225 katie225 9 years
now that we're on a consensus about common courtesy, teach your sons (and daughters) to show it! i heard this advice once, that a woman should take her son out on a "date" when he reaches adolescence to show him how to properly treat a lady. and fathers should take their daughters out on a "date" to show them how they should expect to be treated.
smith3 smith3 9 years
I agree with everyone who's saying that this should be about courtesy and not some good old-fashioned sexism. I love that my boyfriend is thoughtful towards me and others, and I do everything I can to reciprocate that. Having said that, I am fiercely independent, and it upsets him that I don't let him carry my shopping - I just think it's sweet that he offers, and I know he always will be there to share the load if I'm tired or things really are too heavy.
Marci Marci 9 years
aistea311, how beautifully said! My boyfriend was raised in Europe and he just oozes old world charm and manners. He's respectful towards everyone, holds doors open for everyone, will offer assistance to total strangers struggling with something, gives women his elbow to cross the street, walks on the outside.....he's a very chivalrous man. Until I met him, I had no idea what I was missing because I'd never had it before. It's lovely. :)
Marci Marci 9 years
aistea311, how beautifully said! My boyfriend was raised in Europe and he just oozes old world charm and manners. He's respectful towards everyone, holds doors open for everyone, will offer assistance to total strangers struggling with something, gives women his elbow to cross the street, walks on the outside.....he's a very chivalrous man. Until I met him, I had no idea what I was missing because I'd never had it before. It's lovely. :)
designergirl designergirl 9 years
It's a sad world when you are actually surprised that a stranger or anyone will hold the door for you...Always surprises me, though- especially when its a man holding the dorr for another man.It really bothers me that people seem so self obsessed that they don't notice other people around them. To me, common courtesy is being aware of other people and acknowledging them, i.e. not talking on your cell phone and blocking the whole aisle in the gorcery store while people pile uo behind you. Arghh.. that always gets to me.
designergirl designergirl 9 years
It's a sad world when you are actually surprised that a stranger or anyone will hold the door for you... Always surprises me, though- especially when its a man holding the dorr for another man. It really bothers me that people seem so self obsessed that they don't notice other people around them. To me, common courtesy is being aware of other people and acknowledging them, i.e. not talking on your cell phone and blocking the whole aisle in the gorcery store while people pile uo behind you. Arghh.. that always gets to me.
Trixie6 Trixie6 9 years
I agree with you DearSugar. Common courtesy seems to have gone out the window so it's nice when someone, especially somone you love because they are the people we take for granted most, is thoughtful. My hubby is not only kind towards me & our children, he's very nice to other people.
DearSugar DearSugar 9 years
hi everyone -- i really like the connection you all are making to courtesy in general. if my guy were only considerate or thoughtful toward me, i don't know if i'd be as smitten as i am. i like that he holds the door for me, coming in or out of a store, but i also dig it very much that he keeps holding it for the people behind us if that makes things a little bit easier for them. things like that are how i think of chivalry now, i suppose. sounds like that for you, too. maybe it's just a generous & thoughtful spirit, in a way?
Trixie6 Trixie6 9 years
Nicachica - Don't you love it? I always feel so special when he moves around me so he can walk on the outside. One of the other really sweet things I love that he does - He always thanks me for making dinner.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I'm a pretty independent gal and I like to think I'm beyond wanting men to do certain things just because I'm a woman. But I have to admit it's a nice that my BF always opens my door for me. So in return, when I'm driving, I unlock and open his first! I think what we like about chivarly is that it's just plain courteous. It's an example of thinking of someone before yourself. Females have typically been the beneficiary of chivarly but I think in a modern world it can easily go both ways.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I'm a pretty independent gal and I like to think I'm beyond wanting men to do certain things just because I'm a woman. But I have to admit it's a nice that my BF always opens my door for me. So in return, when I'm driving, I unlock and open his first! I think what we like about chivarly is that it's just plain courteous. It's an example of thinking of someone before yourself. Females have typically been the beneficiary of chivarly but I think in a modern world it can easily go both ways.
nicachica nicachica 9 years
btw, when a guy walks you on the inside, its to demonstrate to other men that you are 1) with him and 2) to protect you. i remember reading that it also stems from Elizabethan times when the males would make the women walk on the inside to avoid debris and chamberpot "liquids" that people threw away from their windows. nasty, no? ;)
nicachica nicachica 9 years
my bf opens the door for me and makes me walk on the inside too. i didn't realize what that meant until he explained it to me and then i just loved him a little bit more. :)
Trixie6 Trixie6 9 years
We've been together 8 years & he still opens doors for me. And he always makes me walk on the inside which I think is so sweet. I have a good man. :-)
GreenSkittlesGal GreenSkittlesGal 9 years
BTW, any cute, well-educated single ladies in their 20s in Dallas interested in roommate?? He's a doll!
GreenSkittlesGal GreenSkittlesGal 9 years
Chivalry is not dead! My boyfriend -- not a new relationship either -- still opens the car door every single time. My male roommate is very gentlemanly as well and even keeps a book with chivalrous tips from Brooks Brothers on the coffee table. I sometimes wonder if it's us ladies demanding to be independent and fierce that has led to chivalry dying a little. In my opinion, men actually like to help and do things and feel needed.
GreenSkittlesGal GreenSkittlesGal 9 years
Chivalry is not dead!My boyfriend -- not a new relationship either -- still opens the car door every single time. My male roommate is very gentlemanly as well and even keeps a book with chivalrous tips from Brooks Brothers on the coffee table. I sometimes wonder if it's us ladies demanding to be independent and fierce that has led to chivalry dying a little. In my opinion, men actually like to help and do things and feel needed.
blogsap blogsap 9 years
you should be. well put.
blogsap blogsap 9 years
you should be. well put.
aistea311 aistea311 9 years
There is a certain charm in a person who puts themselves second to their present company. It still gives me butterflies when a guy does something as simple as holding my hand as I get out of a car. There is a reason little girls dream of being princesses, besides the beautiful dresses, there is a prince charming willing to step before you and declare his love as a true gentleman. If we wanted an ass, we would love a donkey, however, a girl needs to see in her guy, or any guy for that matter a certain old school charm that shows that even though the world is so advanced in technology and moving forward with new discoveries, true kindness survives through the ages.**I am quite proud of what I just wrote** :)
aistea311 aistea311 9 years
There is a certain charm in a person who puts themselves second to their present company. It still gives me butterflies when a guy does something as simple as holding my hand as I get out of a car. There is a reason little girls dream of being princesses, besides the beautiful dresses, there is a prince charming willing to step before you and declare his love as a true gentleman. If we wanted an ass, we would love a donkey, however, a girl needs to see in her guy, or any guy for that matter a certain old school charm that shows that even though the world is so advanced in technology and moving forward with new discoveries, true kindness survives through the ages. **I am quite proud of what I just wrote** :)
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