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Throwing Away Reminders After a Relationship Ends

Group Therapy: Purging Reminders After Relationship Ends

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

About a month ago my relationship with my best friend ended on very bad terms for reasons that I'm still sort of confused by, but with the benefit of hindsight I know that it's for the best that he's not in my life anymore. I've never had an actual boyfriend, and for most of our friendship I did have feelings for him, so to me this feels a lot like I would imagine a break-up to feel like.

Anyways, as time has gone on I've taken to getting rid of a lot of reminders of him around my house (past birthday gifts, deleted any pics on my computer, etc.) but I've still got a couple notes and a t-shirt that he gave to me over the course of our relationship that I guess I'm torn over because of sentimental reasons. Would it be better for me to get rid of everything and be done with it already? And should I delete his sister from my Facebook? We only ever knew each other because I was friends with her brother and even though she's a really nice person I don't really want to be reminded of him everytime I log on, but for some reason I feel conflicted because it's the last remaining connection I have to him and I guess I'm struggling to completely let go.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 5 years
Hey guys. This was my post and I wanted to thank you all for sharing your thoughts and advice. I think skigurl was correct that I was looking for validation to do something I knew I should do but didn't really want to do.I've decided to put the t-shirt and birthday cards and stuff in a box out of sight, at least for now until I'm a little less up and down emotionally about the situation. And I did decide to delete his sister from my Facebook account. We had really only ever exchanged a few friendly messages about him a long time ago, so if she even notices that I'm not on her friend list anymore I don't think she'll take offense.I jut wanted to offer an update and thank you all for the input. It was all helpful.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 5 years
Hey guys. This was my post and I wanted to thank you all for sharing your thoughts and advice. I think skigurl was correct that I was looking for validation to do something I knew I should do but didn't really want to do. I've decided to put the t-shirt and birthday cards and stuff in a box out of sight, at least for now until I'm a little less up and down emotionally about the situation. And I did decide to delete his sister from my Facebook account. We had really only ever exchanged a few friendly messages about him a long time ago, so if she even notices that I'm not on her friend list anymore I don't think she'll take offense. I jut wanted to offer an update and thank you all for the input. It was all helpful.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Introducing... the Ex-Box. Just make sure you stash it in a location you won't really get into. Back of a closet, waaaay under a bed, etc.As for your FB friends-- if you do not want to deal with any awkwardness that might arise from deleting her as a friend, you can always "hide" her status updates. That way you won't see any of her stuff on a daily basis. But if the connections are always popping up and even her little icon showing up on your friends list bothers you, I think it is ok to delete her from your friends list.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Introducing... the Ex-Box. Just make sure you stash it in a location you won't really get into. Back of a closet, waaaay under a bed, etc. As for your FB friends-- if you do not want to deal with any awkwardness that might arise from deleting her as a friend, you can always "hide" her status updates. That way you won't see any of her stuff on a daily basis. But if the connections are always popping up and even her little icon showing up on your friends list bothers you, I think it is ok to delete her from your friends list.
Isista Isista 5 years
It depends on the relationship. I'm still friends with my most recent ex, so I still have a few pictures from prom and stuff, but I did get rid of old cards because I no longer have huge sentimental value to them. The other relationships before that one are purged because I would like to forget them.Unless your significant other has an issue with "stuff" or you choose to throw the stuff away, I think it is all a personal decision. It won't make the past go away, but if you really need to forget it can be cathartic. But you must always remember: they are just THINGS.
Isista Isista 5 years
It depends on the relationship. I'm still friends with my most recent ex, so I still have a few pictures from prom and stuff, but I did get rid of old cards because I no longer have huge sentimental value to them. The other relationships before that one are purged because I would like to forget them. Unless your significant other has an issue with "stuff" or you choose to throw the stuff away, I think it is all a personal decision. It won't make the past go away, but if you really need to forget it can be cathartic. But you must always remember: they are just THINGS.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I think everyone has their own way of getting over a friendship/relationship/what-have-you. If you think you're better off with deleting her from your fb, then go for it, like Joe said, just write her name and put it away just in case you may want to friend her in the future. Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I think everyone has their own way of getting over a friendship/relationship/what-have-you. If you think you're better off with deleting her from your fb, then go for it, like Joe said, just write her name and put it away just in case you may want to friend her in the future. Good luck.
weffie weffie 5 years
I deleted my ex's sisters from fb because I found it too tempting to check what he was up to via their profiles & pics... I really didn't want to give a sht, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself. Once I severed ties to his family it became a lot easier to stop caring and get on with my own life. If you don't find the temptation too great, I don't see why you can't be friends with her, but personally deleting the family was a necessary step in getting over my attachment to him.
weffie weffie 5 years
I deleted my ex's sisters from fb because I found it too tempting to check what he was up to via their profiles & pics... I really didn't want to give a sht, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself. Once I severed ties to his family it became a lot easier to stop caring and get on with my own life. If you don't find the temptation too great, I don't see why you can't be friends with her, but personally deleting the family was a necessary step in getting over my attachment to him.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
I think you WANT to throw everything away and delete the sister, but you're too scared because you don't truly want ot cut all ties...if I were you, I'd do it. It's the only real way to get over somebody. Start fresh. It will be hard (trust me, I know, I hate throwing things away and deleting numbers from my phone seems so permanent!!!!) but it's probably an important step in your progress. And I think by asking this question, you either want validation that it's okay to hold on, or you want tough love - so I'll give you that! DELETE IT ALL FROM YOUR LIFE AND MOVE ON! ;)
kismekate kismekate 5 years
I agree with the box. I have two boxes filled with memories of two relationships that took me a long time to get over. Actually, about 6 years after the first box was made, I became friends with my ex and we opened the box together. We laughed and really realized that we were young and just not right for each other. It was a great thing to feel -- knowing that eventually I'll do the same with the second box. In regards to his sister on facebook, simply edit your preferences so she doesn't appear in your news feed. I did this. It's a little less abrasive then completely deleting her, seeing that she didn't do anything wrong. You won't be able to see anything she posts unless you search for her.
kismekate kismekate 5 years
I agree with the box. I have two boxes filled with memories of two relationships that took me a long time to get over. Actually, about 6 years after the first box was made, I became friends with my ex and we opened the box together. We laughed and really realized that we were young and just not right for each other. It was a great thing to feel -- knowing that eventually I'll do the same with the second box. In regards to his sister on facebook, simply edit your preferences so she doesn't appear in your news feed. I did this. It's a little less abrasive then completely deleting her, seeing that she didn't do anything wrong. You won't be able to see anything she posts unless you search for her.
quietstorm quietstorm 5 years
Getting rid of reminders wont keep him out of your mind...get over the relationship first then worry about the small stuff later.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Put the T-shirt and notes in a sealed cardboard box, and keep the box out of sight.. That way you ‘have’ them but you do not. (You will not accidentally see them one day and cause yourself unnecessary heartache.) This way, you will still have that last small connection with him that you would like to keep forever.I would delete her from your Facebook account, but write her name on a piece of paper and put that in the cardboard box too. That way, you have her name if you need it. I think it is okay to keep a small number of pictures or small reminders of past ‘flames,’ just do not have them in plain view or easily accessible. Why is it that you have never had an actual boyfriend?
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Put the T-shirt and notes in a sealed cardboard box, and keep the box out of sight.. That way you ‘have’ them but you do not. (You will not accidentally see them one day and cause yourself unnecessary heartache.) This way, you will still have that last small connection with him that you would like to keep forever. I would delete her from your Facebook account, but write her name on a piece of paper and put that in the cardboard box too. That way, you have her name if you need it. I think it is okay to keep a small number of pictures or small reminders of past ‘flames,’ just do not have them in plain view or easily accessible. Why is it that you have never had an actual boyfriend?
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