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Too Far For Long Distance Relationship

"I'm Too Far For My Long Distance Relationship"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!


I'm moving this summer to start law school in a different state. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and it's been long distance this entire time. He's been very proud and supportive of my acceptance and this new chapter of my life, but I'm not sure how or where he's going to fit in. He wants to stay where he lives and "commute" to work, that is, fly to Louisiana where I'll be every weekend, and then fly back up north for work during the week. I feel like this is a huge financial burden and a giant potential for stress. I know he wants to be with me and I'm grateful he's willing to put forth that much effort, but I can't help but feel like this is a ridiculous plan.

I love him and I know I want to be with him, but I'm just not sure how to proceed. I did apply to some schools closer to him, but I've either been wait-listed or haven't heard back yet, so Louisiana is looking more and more like my best choice. Should I just resign myself to another three years of long distance, or is there some other plan I haven't thought of? I feel selfish expecting him to quit his job and find one where I'll be living, but the thought of him having this insane schedule or even continuing our current one of seeing each other around twice a month (which will be even harder once I have schoolwork on the weekends and obligations) makes me sick to my stomach. I hate the idea of breaking up with him over this when I truly feel like he's the one for me. I just don't know what to do; any suggestions or ideas would be great!

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Quriosity Quriosity 4 years
If you think he could be the one, then keep the relationship. If you still want to look around for other possibilities, then end it.If you want to keep the relationship, there are a few important things to keep in mind:1-Agree on a time where the long distance will stop, and you two will end up in the same city.2-Agree on the frequency of seeing each other (with consideration of how long, budget for traveling etc.)3-Discuss on how to communicate while being apart (what time of the day, how many times a day/week, computer/phone)Another thing to remember is, make sure you still have a life, keep each other posted to try to let him understand what environment you're in, who you hang out with, so when he does come and visit, he won't feel like he's out of the loop! And vice versa when you visit him.I'd also like to give him credit for being supporting. That's a sign of him being a supportive partner down the road (of course if you're suspicious of something and he's up to no good, and he wants you further away) but I'm sure that's not the case now, but I'd just like to point out all the possibilities.I started dating my boyfriend for 2 months, then we were oceans apart with hours of time difference. We did long distance for a year, and visited each other averaging a month between. A year later, I joined him and now we've been together for 2 years and are engaged! You never know what would happen, because originally we thought we'd be apart for 3 years, and we decided that will be the maximum time to be apart.
dashsuede dashsuede 4 years
Keep going long distance and see how it works while you're in school. He can move later if he wants.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
I agree with missmary and testadura, and I want you to realize, this isn't just your problem to solve, you're not alone here. I also think you need to ditch the guilt. You have a man you love, who loves you, is excited and proud of you, and your great opportunity, and the man is willing to keep working at this, and understands how important this opportunity is. That's incredible! Remember that many things worth having are difficult, and worth working for. Remeber, too, that because you guys try this back and forth for a while, doesn't mean something else won't present itself. There's no guarentee you're looking at three years of this. You're in a time of life where things can change, can appear very quickly. And if he quits a job, and comes to be nearer you, well, that's just a part of being in a working couple. You remember that he made the sacrifice, took the risk to be with you, and it may be your turn to do the same some time in the future. Women have been routinely considering and making this choice for ever, and it's refreshing to find a man who is an equal opportunity partner. Take a deep breath, give him a huge kiss, and be willing to accept his offer. I think, maybe, that you're feeling as if this sacrifice on his part obligates you to a committed relationship in the future, and you aren't quite ready for that yet. I think part of your sick feeling is about feeling a huge commitment from him, and the expectation in return. Relax. If things don't work, they don't work. You don't have an obligation to continue with something that isn't working, or to commit because of his investment. Everything is still one step at a time, it's just a step with extra miles. Stop worrying about being responsible for his choice, he's a big boy, and if this doesn't work for him, then you can figure out something else together. Just remember to communicate. You'll never know if you don't try. what is love worth? what is a life with the right partner worth? So many don't find that, don't create that. Whatever you choose, I hope you find joy, and i wish you best of luck with your education.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
While I don't necessarily go for the whole idea of "the one", if you think he is, then what's three years? If he's the one you want for the rest of your life, then what's three years of transition? Put it in perspective. And if he's willing to foot the bill and put in the effort to fly down and see you, why not give it a go? Just try it. Although, my personal opinion is that you will be having an entire world of new experiences, and meeting new people, and learning new things, not just about law, but about yourself. This is the time when people grow up and grow apart. It's hard, it sucks, but it is what it is. But if you say he's the one, then you owe it to yourself (and to him) to at least give it a try without the pessimistic outlook.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
That's a tough situation. Only you two can decide if you're up for the trials and tribulations that will surely come with the situation. He must really love you to offer to do that. And really, love like that doesn't come along often and I think you have to make every effort to nurture it and let it grow. Therefore I think you guys should give it a try. If you break up simply because of the distance, you will forever wonder if you gave up the best thing that ever happened to you. Best of luck, and good luck in law school as well!
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