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Too Fast and Too Furious?

Dear Sugar,

I have had a crush on a guy in my social circle for months now and he finally asked me out on a date. After outfit planning and getting pumped up, Friday night arrived. He ended up taking me to a big group dinner with all his guy friends, their wives or serious girlfriends. I was a little weirded out by that, but went along with it in hopes that it would be casual and fun.

Dinner was exactly that. By the time dinner was over, we were both pleasantly buzzed, but he initiated taking the party to another bar. I was up for that, as I was truly enjoying myself, not to mention enjoying all the attention my crush was giving me. Once we arrived at the bar, the drinks began flowing and he proceeded to get a little too tipsy for my liking. As the night wore on, I found myself pushing him off me and starting to get quite annoyed.

When I was ready to call it a night, he basically begged me to stay, proceeded to tell me how much he liked me, and then dropped the L word on me. I was horrified! Not only was he hammered, but telling me how interested he was was just a total turn off. I really liked him before this incident, and up until the bar everything was going great. He just left me a message apologizing for his drunk behavior so should I give him another chance or is he just too available? Disappointed Darby

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Disappointed Darby,

Wow, yea, saying I love you on the first date is quite overwhelming. While most women yearn for their boyfriends to use the L word, there is a time and a place for it, your first date not being one of them. I am sure the only reason why he said those three little words was because he was intoxicated, which I think is the bigger problem here.

While being too available can be a turn off to some women, it sounds like he had just a bit too much truth serum at dinner. Since he left you a message apologizing, I am sure he is extremely embarrassed and is fearful he scared you off.

If you still think there is something there between you two, I would say give him another change. Chalk his loose lips up to nerves and let him take you on a proper date. Hopefully, he will make up for last time, but if he repeats his behavior, you can at least say you tried.

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lolabella lolabella 9 years
firstly, the guy took you out with his friends, many of whom were couples! that really says a lot ... he wanted them to meet you and vice versa. i like that fact that he felt comfortable with you enough to bring you into that circle.the drinking, however, is a HUGE red flag. that is something that you really need to keep an eye on. if you keep a journal and continue to go out with him, document the times he gets wasted. it may sound petty and police-y, but it will be an honest record (you also can see the times he WASN'T drunk).the "i love you" is another huge red flag. on a first date, guys only say that if:A) they are trying to get you in bedB) they are completely co-dependent; in this case, RUN FOR THE HILLS, do not pass "GO" or collect the $200, and never look back as you put as much distance between you & he. this can be waaaaaaay worse than being with a drunk.take into context when/where/how the "i love you" was uttered. was it a true slip of the tongue? was it truly an honest mistake? i'd forgive him, let him know you didn't appreciate his actions but are not going to dwell on them, and just file this in your memory bank for later. if he has other great, redeeming qualities, continue to see him. if he really has some issues, you'll find out soon enough. best of luck.
lolabella lolabella 9 years
firstly, the guy took you out with his friends, many of whom were couples! that really says a lot ... he wanted them to meet you and vice versa. i like that fact that he felt comfortable with you enough to bring you into that circle. the drinking, however, is a HUGE red flag. that is something that you really need to keep an eye on. if you keep a journal and continue to go out with him, document the times he gets wasted. it may sound petty and police-y, but it will be an honest record (you also can see the times he WASN'T drunk). the "i love you" is another huge red flag. on a first date, guys only say that if: A) they are trying to get you in bed B) they are completely co-dependent; in this case, RUN FOR THE HILLS, do not pass "GO" or collect the $200, and never look back as you put as much distance between you & he. this can be waaaaaaay worse than being with a drunk. take into context when/where/how the "i love you" was uttered. was it a true slip of the tongue? was it truly an honest mistake? i'd forgive him, let him know you didn't appreciate his actions but are not going to dwell on them, and just file this in your memory bank for later. if he has other great, redeeming qualities, continue to see him. if he really has some issues, you'll find out soon enough. best of luck.
Fancy04 Fancy04 9 years
I would give him one more chance.
MandyJoBo MandyJoBo 9 years
If you had a couple more drinks, you could've been in the same place. It's like you're saying "I don't know if I want to date him because he got drunker than I did!" Give him a break and the benefit of the doubt. If he does it again, maybe he has a problem. Then you have to decide if you want to stick around and help him, or detach and let his closer friends worry about it.
Marci Marci 9 years
I agree with giving him another chance. But keep a close eye on his drinking. You do NOT want to be saddled with someone who has a serious problem with that. Hope it all goes better the second time out!
Marci Marci 9 years
I agree with giving him another chance. But keep a close eye on his drinking. You do NOT want to be saddled with someone who has a serious problem with that. Hope it all goes better the second time out!
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
Maybe he was just nervous about hanging out with you. I know getting drunk is dumb but he apologized so give him another chance since you had such a big crush on him before. Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strenght
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
he wanted a piece of ass. he knew you were into him, got you drunk, dropped the "L" word and considered it a done deal. it's not that he's "to available" it's that he's "to sure of himself". you've been warned as to what he's after, so decide on any subsequent dates based on that information.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
There are two options here: 1) He's a habitual drinker and you will have to deal with this behavior long term. 2) He was so smitten and nervous that he drank too much and then made an ass out of himself. You should basically know the answer if he's been in your social circle for a while. If it's 1, then no more chances, if it's 2, then yes, one more chance should be enough.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
There are two options here:1) He's a habitual drinker and you will have to deal with this behavior long term.2) He was so smitten and nervous that he drank too much and then made an ass out of himself.You should basically know the answer if he's been in your social circle for a while. If it's 1, then no more chances, if it's 2, then yes, one more chance should be enough.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 9 years
give him another chance and then decide
XDeexDeeX XDeexDeeX 9 years
It was probably because he got drunk. But then again, drunks still know what they're doing and saying...Well sometimes it gets out of control.
martini-queenie martini-queenie 9 years
I think it all depends on his behavior prior to this. Does he get wasted and embarass himself often? If not, I think he really likes you and was nervous! That also might explain why he chose to take you out with a group of his friends since most guys are more comfortable with their friends. But if this behavior continues... obviously dump him!
martini-queenie martini-queenie 9 years
I think it all depends on his behavior prior to this. Does he get wasted and embarass himself often? If not, I think he really likes you and was nervous! That also might explain why he chose to take you out with a group of his friends since most guys are more comfortable with their friends. But if this behavior continues... obviously dump him!
Monkeyluv Monkeyluv 9 years
IT all depends how put off you were by a guy who really didn't give you the first date that you were hoping for. Is he normally a sloppy drunk, and is that the type of behavior you could deal with regularly?~~~Just Do It~~~
Monkeyluv Monkeyluv 9 years
IT all depends how put off you were by a guy who really didn't give you the first date that you were hoping for. Is he normally a sloppy drunk, and is that the type of behavior you could deal with regularly? ~~~Just Do It~~~
krizias krizias 9 years
this reminded me of my last boyfriend who i just broke up with 2 weeks ago. lucky for you, you got to see his "ugly side" right away, whereas in my case, it took a few weeks before i got to see it. my ex never really apologized. i guess since we'd been together for a while, he expected me to be okay with it and "accept him for who he was." i see his apology as a good sign, and just another chance for you to give him another chance. since you've liked him for a long time, i'm sure there are many better and more important qualities that you admired about him and fell for in the first place, so give those qualities another chance to shine :) or not...and if not, you KNOW what to do girl. good luck!
krizias krizias 9 years
this reminded me of my last boyfriend who i just broke up with 2 weeks ago. lucky for you, you got to see his "ugly side" right away, whereas in my case, it took a few weeks before i got to see it. my ex never really apologized. i guess since we'd been together for a while, he expected me to be okay with it and "accept him for who he was." i see his apology as a good sign, and just another chance for you to give him another chance. since you've liked him for a long time, i'm sure there are many better and more important qualities that you admired about him and fell for in the first place, so give those qualities another chance to shine :) or not...and if not, you KNOW what to do girl.good luck!
emisaurusrex emisaurusrex 9 years
I think he just got too intoxicated and said a bit too much. I think we've all had embarassing drunken moments. It seems like he was nervous to go out with you (maybe because he does really like you) and drank a little too much to calm his nerves... I think a lot of people are guilty of that. He cared enough to call you, and he also apologized-- which means he recognized his behavior was inappropriate and will probably try not to slip up again. If you liked him prior to this incident and this isn't usual behavior for him, I'd say give it another try-- I'm sure he'll be on his very best behavior next time!
emisaurusrex emisaurusrex 9 years
I think he just got too intoxicated and said a bit too much. I think we've all had embarassing drunken moments. It seems like he was nervous to go out with you (maybe because he does really like you) and drank a little too much to calm his nerves... I think a lot of people are guilty of that.He cared enough to call you, and he also apologized-- which means he recognized his behavior was inappropriate and will probably try not to slip up again. If you liked him prior to this incident and this isn't usual behavior for him, I'd say give it another try-- I'm sure he'll be on his very best behavior next time!
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I think the fact he was wasted was the problem. All wasted guys are in love with you. I am kind of surprised you haven't seen this side before if you run with the same crowd.
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