I have this affinity towards finding men outside of my own race attractive. I am African American, and yes I do like black men as well, but for those times when my current crush happens to be white or Indian or Asian, I always kind of feel like a last resort — like these men will date outside their race BUT I'd be picked last because I'm black.
It's a very self-defeating thought and I had ERASED it completely for several months and held a very positive self view. I mean black women, and women of all kinds, are beautiful, and I'm no exception. I should be worthy of anyone
But recently I was very emotionally involved with a guy who I thought liked me (well I knew he liked me because he'd buy me dinner, chocolate, and say underhand flirty comments and such), and he kind of led me on to a point and then dropped me completely. So I started connecting the dots and I realized that he probably likes Asian girls more. (He himself is interracial, half black, half white).
Find out more after the jump!
His ex was Asian, he's been to Japan a couple of times and is obsessed with their culture, he wants to meet my Vietnamese friend . . . and once in front of me he rated these 2 Asian girls who walked by.
All the while I'm thinking . . . why did this guy make it so obvious he likes me if he only finds Asian girls attractive . . . It was kind of a blow to my self-esteem because I was always second (and third and fourth) to any Asian girl to him. (I really liked him and was counting in it to work out, so you can bet I was devastated.) And we go to a school with plenty of gorgeous Asian girls and I just feel like . . . meh . . . again I'm someone's last pick. And perhaps I was just a bridge to his next Asian girlfriend . . .
Who knows. I don't know how to deal. I'm pretty much over HIM as a person, but just the idea that I'm not worthy of some men I'd like to be relationships with because of the color of my skin? Kind of depresses me . . .