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Truth or Myth? You Know When You Know

When The Office's John Krasinski gushed at the Emmys about his recent engagement to Emily Blunt, he added support to the age-old dating adage: you'll just know when you've met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

John said:

"So many people say, 'You know when you know,' and it's true. It's all true."

If you plan on getting married some day, do you expect that it will be obvious that you and your partner are supposed to be together forever? What about those of you who are engaged or married: did you just know?


Image Source: Bauer-Griffin Online
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snarkypants snarkypants 6 years
i knew, he dumped my @ss. hmmmm
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
eh. Call me a cynic but I didn't know. I was happily minding my own business then boom, like in Bambi my future husband sat down next to me and was "twitterpated" or something. He told me it was love at first sight. I'm the kinda person who made him prove it first and then we got married. Actions speak the loudest to me, and boy did he prove it. I still think it's the sweetest thing in the world when he says that. Since he believes it then maybe it's true sometimes.
CCforPx CCforPx 6 years
Thirty-five years ago, I felt an attraction to my husband, in a way I had never experienced with anyone else, the first moment I saw him. I knew we would eventually be married the first time he called to ask me out. I do believe in "knowing"; but what I believe makes the relationship a lasting one is a strong spiritual foundation that fosters respect for each other and respect for the sanctity of the commitment between two people. "Knowing" is the first step. Working, lovingly and steadfastly, to honor your commitment to each other is then your life's calling.
cko444 cko444 6 years
I think it's important to separate the concepts/myths of "love at first sight" from "you just know". With my bf, we are at the point where we "just know" and our words and deeds on both sides back that up. However, it wasn't "lvoe at first sight". He's a very shy guy, and while I knew he was a good egg, it took a few dates for things to really click. Perhaps I was already on to *something*, though, since I knew he was worth a second and third chance.
cotedazur cotedazur 6 years
I'm madly in love with my husband, but there are so many things I don't know. Will he be a good father? Will he always be in love with me? Will I stay in love with him when he's "old" and I'm still middle aged? Will we ever cheat, and could our relationship recover afterwards? I think my husband and I fit together as well as any two people could, but there are so many variables in life that I would be hesitant to say that I "know." I will say that I never had any questions about our relationship; while I never had a lightning strike moment saying "this is the one!", neither did I have a single moment where I asked myself, "whoa, what the heck am I doing? Is this the right thing?" Everything just came naturally.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 6 years
I knew with my husband. Not on our first date, but by the time we were at the point where we were serious, I knew he was the person I'd marry.
Keke84 Keke84 6 years
Christine - I completely agree with your sentiment 100%. There is an assuredness in the feelings that you just don't have with other people. In my case, I feel like no matter what comes up (barring cheating and murder of course), I am willing to struggle through the hard times with him.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
No defensiveness at all. I am not trying to defend my point of view against anyone's, I am just saying how I feel. There are people who can make it and people who cannot. Some people just don't have it in them to make it through the long haul, be it communication or a decent sex life, whatever the case may be. When you meet some people, you don't necessarily think "I can marry this one", because they're just people. You date, maybe even for years, and you break up. When I met my boyfriend, it was a very different dynamic. It was hardly being pursued, and hardly going after someone, because it felt like you could say two words, and they would be yours. That happened. Literally, he said "hi" or something, and I was falling all over myself. We have had hard times, and we will have more, but it wasn't like with other guys I have dated. With him, it was just like okay, I can't predict the future, but all I know is that when my dreams come true, whatever they may be, I want you with me. It was the same on his end, too. Maybe we will not be together forever, maybe I will die a horrible death in a tornado...but it is a fact that I wanted forever, and I tried for forever, but stuff happens. To say you know you will be with someone forever is ridiculous. But to say that you know that you found the person you are willing to be committed to forever is not. I know he is what I want. I guess what I truly knew was that we'd be together for quite some time, right off the bat. It hasn't been too long, 2 and 1/2 years, but we're aiming for much more. For now, I can assure you it'll last at least another 2 and 1/2 years...we want to be together. Hard times do not deter the strong people. I am strong and stubborn, so is he. Unless it's cheating, or like, killing my mom, he's mine.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
No defensiveness at all. I am not trying to defend my point of view against anyone's, I am just saying how I feel. There are people who can make it and people who cannot. Some people just don't have it in them to make it through the long haul, be it communication or a decent sex life, whatever the case may be. When you meet some people, you don't necessarily think "I can marry this one", because they're just people. You date, maybe even for years, and you break up. When I met my boyfriend, it was a very different dynamic. It was hardly being pursued, and hardly going after someone, because it felt like you could say two words, and they would be yours. That happened. Literally, he said "hi" or something, and I was falling all over myself. We have had hard times, and we will have more, but it wasn't like with other guys I have dated. With him, it was just like okay, I can't predict the future, but all I know is that when my dreams come true, whatever they may be, I want you with me. It was the same on his end, too. Maybe we will not be together forever, maybe I will die a horrible death in a tornado...but it is a fact that I wanted forever, and I tried for forever, but stuff happens. To say you know you will be with someone forever is ridiculous. But to say that you know that you found the person you are willing to be committed to forever is not. I know he is what I want. I guess what I truly knew was that we'd be together for quite some time, right off the bat. It hasn't been too long, 2 and 1/2 years, but we're aiming for much more. For now, I can assure you it'll last at least another 2 and 1/2 years...we want to be together. Hard times do not deter the strong people. I am strong and stubborn, so is he. Unless it's cheating, or like, killing my mom, he's mine.
runningesq runningesq 6 years
We were good friends for a year before we started dating, and I think we both "knew" that once we finally got together we would get married. We dated for three years before we actually GOT married, but yeah, I think we both knew. ... and no, you can never be 100% sure about ANYTHING, but living in "what ifs" isn't for me..To clarify, it wasn't like I saw him and said "I KNOW" -- it was after getting to know him and after seeing what an amazing friend and person he was
runningesq runningesq 6 years
We were good friends for a year before we started dating, and I think we both "knew" that once we finally got together we would get married. We dated for three years before we actually GOT married, but yeah, I think we both knew. ... and no, you can never be 100% sure about ANYTHING, but living in "what ifs" isn't for me.. To clarify, it wasn't like I saw him and said "I KNOW" -- it was after getting to know him and after seeing what an amazing friend and person he was
acyl acyl 6 years
Agree with JT, I think it's a nice sentiment but how often does "We just knew" turn into "Oops nevermind."Like Mr. Big in SATC said when asked if he believed in love at first sight: "I believe in LUST at first sight..."
acyl acyl 6 years
Agree with JT, I think it's a nice sentiment but how often does "We just knew" turn into "Oops nevermind." Like Mr. Big in SATC said when asked if he believed in love at first sight: "I believe in LUST at first sight..."
karlotta karlotta 6 years
My BF and I met on the internet, randomly, through a common friend; he lived 5000 miles away from me, I had never seen him, and we were both in other relationships at the time - yet chat after chat, that "knowing" feeling kept sinking in and blowing my mind - we were just soooo comfortable together, so compatible. I waited for him, I knew it was meant to be. It took a year and a half, but when we finally met in person, it was just obvious. Now it's been almost 4 years - more than 5 since I first KNEW. And the feeling grows every day. So yeah, I believe in "knowing" - I can't swear it will last forever (who knows what life brings you); but he sure is the one for me for a very long time.
gingirl gingirl 6 years
I agree exactly with chatondeneige. What she said! Lol. I love my boyfriend more than anything else and I know he feels the same way and that we've found true love. But we didn't know that at first, it took us a while to get around to that. We had to learn to trust before we loved. :)
tlsgirl tlsgirl 6 years
Whatever. Total myth.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 6 years
Whatever. Total myth.
jelibeann jelibeann 6 years
haha, zeze...i definitely know a lot of people that have decided they were ready for marriage and essentially married who they were with at that time...honestly, it seems to have worked out in these instances, so fari have been with my husband since high school and we've been through a lot together...it will be twelve years total at the end of this year...so, i can't say i "knew" right away (I was dating someone else when we met), but I definitely knew for quite some time before we decided to get married that he would be my husband...something gets me about him every time i see him, even though i've been seeing him for all this time...it's true, i can't explain it in words...i just feel it...and i can certainly hope that we are fortunate enough to spend the rest of our lives together because i cannot imagine mine without him
jelibeann jelibeann 6 years
haha, zeze...i definitely know a lot of people that have decided they were ready for marriage and essentially married who they were with at that time...honestly, it seems to have worked out in these instances, so far i have been with my husband since high school and we've been through a lot together...it will be twelve years total at the end of this year...so, i can't say i "knew" right away (I was dating someone else when we met), but I definitely knew for quite some time before we decided to get married that he would be my husband...something gets me about him every time i see him, even though i've been seeing him for all this time...it's true, i can't explain it in words...i just feel it...and i can certainly hope that we are fortunate enough to spend the rest of our lives together because i cannot imagine mine without him
Spacekatdude Spacekatdude 6 years
I agree with SKG - I knew right away she was awesome! More awesome than anyone I'd ever met before - special, delightful, funny, charming, full of energy. I still feel like that every day!
zeze zeze 6 years
I vote myth. I think is just a psychological trick...we trick ourselves into thinking this time "we just know!" on some super level...when in reality we have finally decided we are ready for marriage with the person we are with after a loong time rationalizing and reasoning the pros and cons.
chatondeneige chatondeneige 6 years
I don't think people "just know." I think that love, true love, is such an intensely complex and beautiful thing that people don't have words for it, and it's easier to use an old adage. I can't explain why I love my boyfriend. I can tell you about 1,000 things he does or is that I love. But those things aren't why I love him. I love him because he's him. And that sounds incredibly stupid, so I just say "when you know, you know."
Muirnea Muirnea 6 years
Ok, we're kind of talking about two different things here. I definitely think "you just know" pretty soon whether you are compatible with someone or not. It's just a feeling you get, and right away, you know whether or not you have a good chance with the person in question. But no, I don't think "you just know" whether your relationship will last, and whether you will get married etc. That's impossible to know, no matter how great you feel about someone at the moment. That would be like telling or knowing the future, which personally, I don't think is possible. And for all the married people saying they just knew, yes I am very happy for you all. But I just think that you guys all "knew" that your bf's/date's were a good match, and then you just got lucky that it actually worked out in the long run. B/c there are tons of people who "just know" and then end up breaking up. Just look at the divorce rate like jazzy said. No one's gut feelings can tell the future, but I do believe everyone's gut feelings can tell you when you have a good chance with someone.
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