Skip Nav

Twenty and Suffocated

Dear Sugar
My 20th birthday is coming up, but I feel like I'm lacking freedom. Not once in high school did I get to go out with friends. I skipped prom and was always embarrassed when I had to decline friend's invitations to parties. My mother is very old fashioned and believes that a girl should not be out partying. So whenever I would ask, her answer was always no.

At the same time, she always tells me that I'm living in a shell and that I should be more outgoing. I am confused because she keeps me in and never lets me do anything!

She never even lets me drive at night because she's afraid of what might happen. She calls me every hour and she doesn't like it when I drive somewhere more than 20 minutes away. I just don't know how she's going to cope when I go to college in a few weeks. My school is 45 mins away.

I can't take it anymore. It's pathetic that my friends can go out whenever they want and I have to actually plan how I'm going to ask her if I can just go to the movies. It's not like I'll be out until the wee hours in the morning or even getting drunk; it's just a movie. I don't even like drinking really, but I do want to be able to experience having fun and going out with my friends.

How can I talk to my mom about letting go a little bit? I know we'll just end up arguing. Do you have tips on how to approach this? Suffocated Sophia

Dear Suffocated Sophia
Usually college starts at age 17 or 18, so if you've been holding back because of mom, then it's time to cut that umbilical cord. It's enough already. She sounds like the controlling mother from The Virgin Suicides ... and look what happened to those children. You can't put your life and your future on hold so she won't worry. It sounds like she's needy and scared but also selfish. If she really loves you, she'll let you go a little bit.

Would she rather you rebel against her completely? I think you are being very respectful of her feelings, but think of yourself as a caterpillar who is turning into a butterfly. It's time to spread your wings already.

I think you should move out when you start school and not commute 45 minutes and deal with your mother's wrath. You are entitled to have a life of your own apart from your her. Don't let her guilt weigh you down. And by the way, happy birthday - enjoy your day!

Latest Love & Sex