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Vote for Your Favorite Worst Opening Line in a Romance Novel

I've never been a romance novel reader, but I see plenty of ladies reading this stuff on my commute. (I'd love to see a dude whip out a Harlequin Romance now and then.) Is the writing really this bad? I can't tell if these are real first lines or parodies of first lines. Either way, choose your "favorite." It's gonna be hard. Click here for more stinkers.

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ariayvs ariayvs 7 years
It would be a happy ending story when the first line is:His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion!!! Woohoo!!! =)-end of message
ariayvs ariayvs 7 years
It would be a happy ending story when the first line is: His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion!!! Woohoo!!! =) -end of message
Adriall-Rose Adriall-Rose 7 years
I was kinda PMSing as well when I commented on this. Otherwise I would have found some humor in this post. I enjoy other posts, unfortunate names is one of the best!!!!!!!!!!
Adriall-Rose Adriall-Rose 7 years
I don't mean to be a poor sport with my previouse comment but still.........- _ -
Blackthorne Blackthorne 7 years
It was a tossup between "His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion," and "He smelled of pork. Rotting pork, in fact — and lots of it."I chose the first. I been around horse farts, I want none of that in my romanace novels, thank you very much.Yes, this lesbian chick reads hetero romance novels; they are my popcorn books.
Blackthorne Blackthorne 7 years
It was a tossup between "His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion," and "He smelled of pork. Rotting pork, in fact — and lots of it." I chose the first. I been around horse farts, I want none of that in my romanace novels, thank you very much. Yes, this lesbian chick reads hetero romance novels; they are my popcorn books.
darlene darlene 7 years
Its hard to choose which ones the worst
UrbanBohemian UrbanBohemian 7 years
It was a tough one, but I went with the first one. It really sets the tone for romantical mayhem without being too revealing.
rabidmoon rabidmoon 7 years
Fuzzles wins the thread..again. :D These were..uh...disconcerting, Giggle. :D
jessie jessie 7 years
crotch novels....thats a good one..:rotfl:...wait till hubby hears about that one.....mine just calls them my *how to books*..:shrug:
GiggleSugar GiggleSugar 7 years
Crotch novels! :ROTFL: I think someone needs to alert the Harlequin marketing dept. PRONTO. Time for some rebranding! :)
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
these are not real, lol. but my mom loved these! my dad called them her "crotch novels". the wording was something like this "he held her close against his muscled body, and she felt his desire for her rise up. her loins ached from wanting him, needing him..." the first time i read the jacket i was shocked :faint: then my dad and i use to laugh our asses off at them. she'd hide the books to avoid our ridicule :rotfl:
GiggleSugar GiggleSugar 7 years
Oh, Adriall. Play along, please! :nerdgirl:
Beachwalker Beachwalker 7 years
Thanks for the LOL!!! :rotfl:
Beachwalker Beachwalker 7 years
Thanks for the LOL!!! :rotfl:
Adriall-Rose Adriall-Rose 7 years
These are not real. Its really just plain sad if anyone ever even thought they were. People who write romances would never down grade themselves to writing the word horny in such context. Each is just plain idiotic.
jessie jessie 7 years
:rotfl:...where do i find books like these? i like the first one.....
jessie jessie 7 years
:rotfl:...where do i find books like these? i like the first one.....
Francoisehardly Francoisehardly 7 years
If these are real, I think I could write a better book.....
CYL CYL 7 years
Those are all so bad ...seriously these are from books?!
ang1885 ang1885 7 years
People get paid for writing this stuff. Where do I sign up?
cherrygirl143 cherrygirl143 7 years
These can not be real! If so...I need to read the books!!!
fuzzles fuzzles 7 years
It's so refreshing to know that bi-partisan boning is alive and well.
anaisethenry anaisethenry 7 years
Are these real? :rotfl: I guess if they are, I like it classic and oh so sober: "I was a dark and horny night..."
anaisethenry anaisethenry 7 years
Are these real? :rotfl: I guess if they are, I like it classic and oh so sober: "I was a dark and horny night..."
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