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Is Webcam Porn Cheating?

"Is Webcam Porn Considered Cheating?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

I found out by checking my boyfriend's old email account that he recently subscribed to webcam porn sites. Now, I know that him and every guy out there watches porn, and I have come to terms with that. But the webcam thing is totally new to me. I haven't seen any charges made to the account (yet), but it pains me that he needs to go to these sites. We have great sex at least a couple of times a week and have been together for almost 4 years.

What can I do? I can't bring up the fact that I checked my boyfriend's email account (I know snooping is an entirely different problem), but how can I bring up the fact that it feels weird to me? Is webcam porn considered cheating or just another type of porn?

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Aquadave Aquadave 2 years
How can it be an "old account" and be recent? What else were you looking for? If it were me I'd leave you, you can't be trusted. Webcam porn is nothing more than girls in front of a cam, basic porn. It's not like he's having phone or web sex with someone. He's watching porn. now it's up to you what do you call cheating? you need to work on your problems. Best way to bring it up is start begging for forgiveness for your insecurities
mes814 mes814 3 years
Here's what I think: if it makes you feel badly it doesn't matter if it is cheating or not. Semantics are irrelevant but the hurt is not debatable. That would wound me. Sometime, however, you have to be specific with men. When I addressed the way porn made me feel about myself with my boyfriend I specifically asked him to picture my getting off to pictures of guys that had giant penises of a size he could never hope to attain and abs he didn't have. He didn't like that much. As for bringing it up, just do it. It doesn't matter the circumstances of your discovery. You won't be able to let it go if it bothers you. Apologize for snooping and approach it as a civil conversation about how it makes you feel. Just don't go into attack mode.
peekstar peekstar 3 years
To answer your actual question, yes I do think it's cheating. We can debate whether porn that consists of still images or prerecorded video is cheating till we're blue in the face, but in my view live porn is cheating. The difference is unlike pictures and videos, live porn is happening in real time. There is a connection there because the girl is currently performing sex acts for an intended audience that she's aware of, and your boyfriend is participating at the exact same moment. With her. That's where the connection is. In other forms of porn, the actors don't know who in the future will be looking so the notion of that being cheating is more abstract and removed. The only difference between webcam and say, a sex show in a brothel is that you can't actually touch her. But say in a brothel you are made to sit behind a glass wall, then really what is the difference? At the end of the day, sex is sacred and is meant to be exclusive to two people. When a guy's sexual thoughts are focused on someone other than his partner, that's a form of cheating.
peekstar peekstar 3 years
To answer your actual question, yes I do think it's cheating. We can debate whether porn that consists of still images or prerecorded video is cheating till we're blue in the face, but in my view live porn is cheating. The difference is unlike pictures and videos, live porn is happening in real time. There is a connection there because the girl is currently performing sex acts for an intended audience that she's aware of, and your boyfriend is participating at the exact same moment. With her. That's where the connection is. In other forms of porn, the actors don't know who in the future will be looking so the notion of that being cheating is more abstract and removed. The only difference between webcam and say, a sex show in a brothel is that you can't actually touch her. But say in a brothel you are made to sit behind a glass wall, then really what is the difference? At the end of the day, sex is sacred and is meant to be exclusive to two people. When a guy's sexual thoughts are focused on someone other than his partner, that's a form of cheating.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
Couples have to decide on their own definitions of cheating. If it's cheating for you, then it's cheating. Only you can decide what your boundaries are. Only he can decide what his boundaries are. And as a couple, you need to decide those boundaries together. Sounds like you expect one of his boundaries is going to be with you peeking, and you know that and you have crossed his boundaries. Sounds to me like there is a trust issue with both of you. Making a relationship work is about trust and communication, among other things. I don't know if he considers his porn private, or a secret. It's something he does on his own, without involving you? And you are having an issue with that. The only way to deal with that issue is communication. If you're not willing to discuss the peeking thing, then you're not going to be able to discuss the porn thing, right? You can choose honesty, or not. You can choose trust, or not. You can choose communication, or not. Are you peeking because you suspect him of infidelity? Has he given you cause to suspect it? If you don't have an open invitation to look through his email, (and you're not just peeking, you're consistently monitoring), then you have more than one problem, and you're going to have to take on both problems to solve either of them. Here's what I've seen. People stalk their significant other's records either because something has happened, some behavior has changed, to cause them to suspect infidelity. When that is not the case, then it's generally insecurity from the stalker that's at the core of the sneaking and peeking around. Are you having a problem with insecurity centered in yourself? I gotta tell you, I hate it when someone comes looking for a way to get around the honesty issue. Basically saying "how can I lie better." Do you want to be with someone who lies to you? I don't. Think your boyfriend wants to be with someone who lies to him? Some people do want that....those usually aren't the healthiest of relationships. So make your choices. Deal with your issues, whatever they may be. If it's something he's doing, to make you suspicious, trust your instincts. If it's something coming from inside yourself, face it. best of luck to you OP
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