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No Wedding Gift From Employee

Dear Sugar
I got married 10 months ago. I am a Vice President at my firm and the gal who works under me still hasn't gotten me a wedding gift. I am baffled. Not only are we friends, but we have worked closely together for the past five years. I control her salary and her bonus so I know firsthand that she can well afford a present.

I went to her wedding and bought her a gift. I also brought her gifts after each of her children were born. I even went to her baby shower and brought a little something extra there. What's the protocol on this? Should I say something to her or should I wait? Corporate Conundrum

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Corporate Conundrum
The passive aggressive way of handling this would be to shout across the office to someone else, "Hey Julie, have I thanked you for the awesome toaster? My husband was able to make me brownies and pizza at the same time, you rock!" The problem with this is that she may not catch on and you will just get more frustrated with her.

The rule of thumb is that you have up to one year to give a wedding gift so try and be patient. If after a year you don't receive anything, chalk it up to poor etiquette. You would think this woman would try and impress her boss. What a moron.

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Join The Conversation
Rachel241 Rachel241 7 years
Wow! I was surprised to read this question. Especially the fact that you put that she worked under you first and that she was a friend second. Let it go! Rachel www.registerlocally.com
JOJO25 JOJO25 7 years
oh BOY.....where did all this greed come from...do we really count each and every gift that we get at a wedding, and hold grudges to those who failed to give you the gift you wanted. Is that really what a wedding is about, gifts?? How about the fact that it's your special day and you want your guests there because they are a part of your life and you wouldn't want to celebrate your day without them. Who cares that they didn't give you the gift equal in value to what their dinner cost you...please...if you wanted your day to be a monetary transaction you should just charge admission, or sell tickets to your wedding, that way you what you spend on your extravagant wedding comes back to you in money! Good idea! To be honest I think the whole expectation of gifts is ridiculous....I am engaged and I already refuse to have showers, and I am putting right on the wedding invitation that we don't want gifts, yhe only thing I ask of them is their presence the day of. I hope this enlightens a few of you who see weddings in a different way.
Vsugar Vsugar 8 years
And you might not KNOW that she has very well enough money to afford something. Maybe there is something going on in her life that she hasn't shared with you that makes it impossible to buy something for you. Who knows?? Anyway, she's just thoughtless. Was she invited to the wedding?
Twinkle1 Twinkle1 9 years
Sounds like your "friend" could really use a copy of Emily Post the next time gifts are handed out. I say if she hasn't coughed up a wedding gift by your first anniversary, get over it and stick to cards in the future. She obviously doesn't consider you more than a boss, and from the sounds of if you don't consider her more than your subordinate.
Toronado Toronado 9 years
I know gifts don't matter much but jeez, not even a stinkin' card?
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Maybe I was harsh. I personally wouldn't go to a wedding without giving a gift, or at least a card. I wouldn't say anything to her, though. I would just take this as a cue that she doesn't want to exchange gifts with you for whatever reason. In the future, stick to cards and well wishes for her.
la_clique la_clique 9 years
It was def rude to not even give a card, but a gift is not necessary. Let it go.
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 9 years
I would forget it.
Mandygirl22 Mandygirl22 9 years
I think you need to let it go. Weddings are not about gifts. Giving is better than recieving and I think that you have already wasted too much time thinking about this. You need to get over it.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
I would say get over it. There were members of my family that didn't even ATTEND my wedding...no phone call, card or gift. Yes, a card from her would have been nice, but the whole point of your wedding was that you were getting MARRIED. Stop being selfish and enjoy what you have.
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 9 years
frankly i would be embarrassed and ashamed to go to a weddnig without a gift and if i dint have an approprite gift i would not go ..
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 9 years
I don't think she owes you anything. It was thoughtful of you to buy her presents for these special occasions, but that doesn't necessarily mean she is obligated to reciprocate. And your description of her sounds very professional and detached. Perhaps you weren't as close to her as you thought? In my opinion, you should let it go.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
YOU control her salary and bonus gee what a pal! First you have no idea what she can or can't afford. A lot of people think that now that I have a really great job again that I have a ton of money but I don't! I was unemployed for 2 years and it takes a lot of time to dig yourself out after that. Get over it and accept the fact that you are her boss and that is it! Maybe for her Christmas gift you can get her a gift on etiquette!
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 9 years
of course the day is about getting married .. but is understandably normal to feel hurt or slighted if someoen didnt give u a gift after u did treat them to a meal and have bought gifts for them in the past
tina_marie tina_marie 9 years
How about this, my husband and I didn't even so much as get a card from either of his sisters or his parents. I'm over it. If that is the kind of people they are then that is fine with me. Besides, it was about us getting married and nothing more.
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 9 years
its not amount of money. u can get a very nice meaning full gift for30-50 bucks. to me not bringin a gift or card is "stiffing" them in my opinion and if u ready any ettiquette book it is customary to bring a gift to the hosts of the party
dearestkatrina dearestkatrina 9 years
I thought the point of inviting someone to a wedding was to have them share a special day with you and your husband. I know that gifts are a part of it, but it shouldn't be the most important thing of the day. I have been in the situation many time when I could not afford an elaborate gift. I give what I can afford. I think that you should invite people to your wedding because you want THEM there, not their pocketbook.
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
I agree that if u go to a wedding you bring a gift even if its a card. I also agree with Jen and Tra you dont know her situation and you are her boss and you do sound a tad bit whiney? Sorry thats my take on it. Just move on. -------------------- The baby in my belly made me do it I swear.
SWEET-C9363 SWEET-C9363 9 years
friend or not friend. she came to ur wedding and u paid for her meal and her dates meals and drinks.. she owes u a gift. u learn at 3 yeaers old if u go to a party u bring a gift .. thats it
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
well, not even a card is pretty moronic. i mean, it's your boss! if she's gone to her wedding and showers and given her gifts it's really weird that she wouldn't do the same thing. this employee sounds dumb and unthoughtful. i don't think sugar was too harsh.
nicachica nicachica 9 years
you said it lpyle! i thought Dear's answer was really harsh towards the employee as well and not at all looking at the selfish attitude of the employer. i have to be nice to my boss who i work very closely with and i keep her updated on my life and its ups and downs but i would NEVER call her my friend. i'm guessing there's a similar type of situation going on here.
lpyle79 lpyle79 9 years
Perhaps she didn't buy you a wedding present because you two are not as close as you think. You "control her salary and her bonuses," that doesn't sound like a real friend would say. Oh, yeah, and "the gal who works under me" sounds like something only a real bitch would say. You need to examine your managing style and how you treat people who "work under you." I bet once you do, you'll find that you could use some improvement in the people skills department.
WhatTheFrockBlog WhatTheFrockBlog 9 years
I agree, I was surprised by Dear's answer as well. Let it go.
tra tra 9 years
Dear, your answer surprised me and seemed a little harsh by calling the employee a moron. I understand that as the boss you know the employee's salary however, you don't know her financial situation (mortgage amount, bills, car loans, etc). Forget about it. You're just mad that you didn't get a gift when you've given to her in the past. Don't be so selfish...it's better to give than to receive, remeber that old saying. If it bothers you so much, just make it a point from now on to not purchase any gifts for her in the future.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
don't most companies have rules against buying gifts for those you report to? all the ones i ever worked for have. sounds innapropriate for someone that is depending on you for a raise to be expected to get you a gift.
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