I've been dating my boyfriend for four years now and he's my first boyfriend. Overall, he's pretty amazing. I got seriously injured in a car accident and it took me a long time to fully recover. During that time, I wasn't able to work much and my boyfriend helped me to make payments on school loans and things like that. He pays attention to me, he's romantic — the only thing that occasionally gets on my nerves is that he can be stubborn. I guess we just think differently: I try to look at all angles of an argument and he just tends to think that his way is right. Still, everyone has their flaws.
My boyfriend has a brother who is two years older. They're similar in lots of ways, only his brother is more introspective, I guess, like me. I've always liked that about him and I've always thought he was very intelligent and kind. Recently, though, I was talking to my boyfriend's brother and I caught myself feeling kind of crush-like. I was thinking that he was cute and wishing that my boyfriend were a bit more like him.
Now I feel like a terrible person and I'm wondering what the heck is going on. I think it all started when my boyfriend's aunt was teasing all her nephews about getting married. My boyfriend's brother said, "Well, things have to be right" — as in, stable career situation, etc. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was sort of combative about it. Later on, when we were alone, he seemed very angry about the whole thing. He said that he should have told everyone how romantic getting married was — that I have about $100,000 in school loans see how "romantic" they thought that was. It made me feel embarrassed and really bad about my financial situation. My boyfriend then went on a bit of a rant about how people try to "push life milestones at you" like marriage and kids, and he thinks it's ridiculous and rude and none of their business. I don't really disagree with what he said, but I guess I was just a little shocked at how upset he seemed about it. Eventually, I found myself thinking how nice it would be if he were more like his brother and a little less stubborn and starkly realist. And then I felt awful again.
I don't know what's going on. At the end of our vacation together, we all got drunk and my boyfriend's brother and I stayed up talking about random stuff for a long long time. He told me that my jeans were pretty after I told him that I liked his jacket and I felt like I was having fun. I didn't want to go to bed and have to say goodbye in the morning.
Am I just realizing that my boyfriend's brother and I are good friends? Or does my reaction sound really inappropriate? I've been thinking that I maybe have been projecting my annoyance with my boyfriend, but right now I'm too close to the situation to see what's what.