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What To Do When You Find Something Bad on Boyfriend's Computer?

Group Therapy: I Found Something Snooping

This question is from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

You happen across a file on you boyfriend/husbands computer, you had a reason to be on his computer, but ended up snooping anyway (we all would if we had the chance).  You find a saved IM between him and some girl on the other side of the country, which also happens to be where he is originally from. The IM is a dirty, webcam performance from what you read.  It wasn't a recent chat/show, but it was about one year into your relationship and when she asked him if he had a girlfriend, he answers no. 

Keep in mind that this is the only saved IM that you find and it is dated March . . . it is now August.  You also happen to find pics of his "bits and pieces" saved in his pic files, as well as some naked chick pics.  Do you care, and if so, how much?  What do you do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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skigurl skigurl 5 years
I guess exchequette has a point...this post is about what I would do - and for me, I'm mid-20s and dating someone I hope to marry. Therefore I'd get out because if he did this, he has proven to me something I never thought of him, and something I don't wish to see more of. Although I was in a bad relationship in college and I stuck around for a guy who did worse stuff than this (though I pretended I didn't see it) so if I had read this then, maybe my comment would be different. And if I were married, then I wouldn't say DIVORCE but like exchequette said, there would need to be talks, possibly counselling, and figuring things out. Because by then, you're already in the serious business with this shady dude.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
I guess exchequette has a point...this post is about what I would do - and for me, I'm mid-20s and dating someone I hope to marry. Therefore I'd get out because if he did this, he has proven to me something I never thought of him, and something I don't wish to see more of.Although I was in a bad relationship in college and I stuck around for a guy who did worse stuff than this (though I pretended I didn't see it) so if I had read this then, maybe my comment would be different.And if I were married, then I wouldn't say DIVORCE but like exchequette said, there would need to be talks, possibly counselling, and figuring things out. Because by then, you're already in the serious business with this shady dude.
chloe-bella chloe-bella 5 years
I agree with Skigurl. The timespan from March to August isn't that long - only 5 months. So it's not like she discovered something way in the past.
vabeachbum vabeachbum 5 years
I would care, and I would talk to him about it. If it's older chats and pics then maybe he just forgot to delete them. Is the web cam thing some random girl he met on facebook or something or was it like a live chat from a porn site? To some people, it's still cheating, but to me it kind of makes a difference (I'm weird like that!). If he says it's a bunch of stuff he just forgot to delete, then you have to decide whether or not you can trust that his answers are sincere... and if you can't and it's going to eat you up inside, then move on. Or, if he 'fesses up to cheating, move on!
karlotta karlotta 5 years
This happened to me. My boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch - we were moving in together and really stressed - and I found one small chat that was a bit too flirty (nothing like a dirty webcam, but still unacceptable to me). I confronted the dishonest immature idiot, he fessed up, apologized, and promised he loved me, would never do it again, and had just gotten overwhelmed with our circumstances. I understood. I wouldn't understand again (now we've been together 5 years) but I did forgive him, and I trust him 100%. Everyone is entitled to a moment of commitment panic that makes them do somehting stupid. Is this what your boyfriend did? Or is he a lying, cheating sleazeball? Only you can know that. You have to figure out what that episode meant to him, what it means to you, if it's something that has broken your trust for good, or if he's worthy of a chance at redemption. My BF certainly made up for it, so I'm not as quick as the others at crying wolf and telling you to dump him. It's YOUR story; you know what lies beneath...
kismekate kismekate 5 years
Yes I care!! Oh my gosh, get out of there.
chequettex chequettex 5 years
The post here says "boyfriend/husband." If it's your husband, you can't simply break up with him. First you'll have to 'fess up and tell him that you snooped in something you shouldn't have, and apologize ONLY for snooping, but them tell him you found something disconcerting, and tell him about the files you found. You will need to talk it out and it is not going to be a fun conversation, but the way he reacts will help you know how to respond. Once the lines of communication are open and he has stated his case, you will probably know what you want to do. If he's worth staying with, he will 'fess up, apologize, delete these files for good and stop this behavior. If he makes up lies, or gets defensive or overly angry, it may be time for you to leave.
ladylove004 ladylove004 5 years
DUMP HIM! As if there was any other option, he's obviously a lying, untrustworthy, creep!
Sundown321 Sundown321 5 years
I agree with the others. If you're looking for a good guy and the right guy, this dude isn't it!
sashinnash sashinnash 5 years
Break up! Break up! Break up!
bransugar79 bransugar79 5 years
Totally agree with Skigurl, dump the creep. He's betrayed your trust in several ways and it's not worth finding out if things will change. He must have known it was wrong or he wouldn't have hidden it. Anyone who can't come clean when they've screwed up is not someone you want to be with.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
Break up with him. He's not being honest or ingenuous. And at this point in my life, I'm in it for the long haul, I'm looking to get married, and I'm not going to marry someone who does THIS as his hobby, EVEN if it was "one time". One time he saved it, but other times he was probably smart enough not to. and Then you say he has naked chicks on his computer too (like not regular porn, just actual girls)...well I just wouldn't want to start my life with a guy who has any of this going on on his computer. You can find guys who WON'T do this sort of thing, so why stay with guys who do? and PS: this shows he isn't innocent, and isn't respecting his relationship, so I wonder what he's like with girls in real life. This is just one piece of evidence that he is shady, and he's just not someone I'd want to be around anymore.
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