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When Is Too Soon to Sleep With a Guy?

"Did I Sleep With Him Too Soon?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I met this guy on a Thursday while I was hanging with my friend at our local bar. He was placed at our table because there was no other seat. Since he didn't seem super awkward, we all started chatting. We went to another bar, got drinks, and I went home with him but we didn't have sex. I left in the morning, he got my number, he texted me all weekend, and I saw him Sunday night. We went to dinner, I slept over, and we had sex. The next day, we had an amazing morning, then I didn't hear from him for a week. Eventually we texted a bit, then I saw him again at the same cafe. We chatted, had drinks, then he drove me home and said, "We'll take this slow, okay?" That was five days ago and I've heard nothing from him. Did sleeping with him so soon ruin my chances of actually dating this guy? Or is he being serious when he says that he wants to take it slow?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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sagagirl sagagirl 3 years
If he were really interested in you he would not say lets take it slow after having sex with you.  He just wanted some and not a relationship.  Let it go and wait a little longer next time to see if the man truly likes you, first.  Let the men, chase you, you are worth it.  Don't beat yourself up about it, the world is not ready for a sexually evolved woman. 
matoad matoad 3 years
I wouldn't say it was too soon - not with the right guy anyways. He seems to be messing with your head now though - maybe because he has a 'too-soon' standard in his own mind (which is always funny given that surely he was just as much involved as you). Doesn't mean you did anything wrong but it does mean that it's probably time to move on.
steph1234 steph1234 3 years
I think you already know the answer to your question...yes...but you can't change what happened. Move on with your life and learn from it. Good luck!
Venus1 Venus1 3 years
There is no such thing as too soon although I would argue that 3 months (above) is too long and depriving yourself of a lot of pleasure! My own sister has been enjoying married life for years and she was in bed with her now husband within hours of meeting. I am not saying this is the right way to go either! It depends on how you feel at the time. It's your own rules and nobody elses. The situation described above could just as easilyhappened if you had not had sex with him at all.
Hello-Kitty-Lover Hello-Kitty-Lover 3 years
PS: I've read an amazing Dating book and the author suggested 3 months in to the relationship. Coz by then you guys would be more comfortable with each other and he would be so hooked with u that he would cherish you more.
Hello-Kitty-Lover Hello-Kitty-Lover 3 years
Well....my mom always says never sleep with a guy until u wed him. And it seems like you have jumped into bed with him a bit too early and judging by the way that he's acting...I guess he isn't that into you anymore (not to sound harsh) But my advice is to not sleep with someone until a good stable relationship is established., that is for a relationship that you value. But if u want to just have sex with someone and not to hear from him again...then you can apply the tactic you just used.
BiWife BiWife 3 years
who knows, maybe he has an extremely busy work week and only has time for dating on the weekends. It's only been two weekends, he's not mandated to txt you every day at that point. You don't say if you've even asked him about this. You're just assuming based on a couple of days of communication over barely two weeks. However, if what you want out of a guy (any guy) is something very structured and formal (vs casual and go-with-the-flow), then don't sleep with them until you get the amount of commitment you need to feel secure. It is about *your* boundaries and *your* needs here. Figure out what those are and make sure they are met before you let someone in your pants. Also consider for future encounters, that you don't have to go from kissing straight to penis-in-vagina-intercourse. There is frottage, mutual masturbation, cunnilingus/fellatio, and lots of other non-intercourse things you can do beyond kissing that may help you ease into things at a better pace for you.
pax4pax pax4pax 3 years
While it is true that different people work in different ways, I agree with the above -- he got what he wanted and, given how quick you were, figures he can go back on his own terms, disregarding that you are a whole person and not a ...
henna-red henna-red 3 years
He's already had what he wanted. If he wanted to date you, he'd call. There are no hard and fast rules about when is too soon. Different people have different standards, different needs, different moves. Not every relationship matures. And it's not always possible to tell, even with a lot of experience, if a guy is just going to sex and run. What you need to do is decide what your standards are, what works for you, what you want your process to be. You didn't do anything wrong here, you just wanted more out of this than he did. For him, it was a casual encounter and a casual lay. It's just time to move on, keep meeting new people, and dating. Have an idea of what's ok for you before you go into something.
plmnko plmnko 3 years
Each situation and guy is different so its really a touch and go kind of thing. I'm more inclined to agree with Dave though, if I wanted a relationship id wait for the sex until we had an emotional connection. But friend is right too,sometimes people want to see if there's a physical compatibility and chemistry before the exhausting emotional parts. Ive seen relationships grow from sex on the first date and ive seen it end up a booty call. Id say just to be safe,if you're looking for a relationship maybe hold out on sex until you know its a serious thing,but everyones different. If he kind of avoids you then maybe you should move on,if he contacts you when we wants sex then hes using you.
stfualready stfualready 3 years
That's not true Aquadave. I met my bf through online dating, had sex the first date and we are now very happily living together. To the poster of this question: you just have to figure it out. If it looks like he's avoiding you and he only wants to contact you when he wants to have sex, then you'll have to decide whether you want to continue to do that or not. It took me a while to accept that that's what was happening, and I'm so glad I got out of it. I was only getting hurt repeatedly. Good luck.
Aquadave Aquadave 3 years
yes you did! If it's just sex then right now is ok but if you want a relationship no sex before monogamy. Millionaire Match Maker says it and she's right
stfualready stfualready 3 years
It sounds like something I went through. I had to accept that I became his booty call. I could be wrong, but the guy also told me to take it slow and we didn't have sex until two weeks later. After that, it was only when HE had time, when HE wanted sex.
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