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Where Do You Stand: Befriending Girls That Don't Have Other Girlfriends?

Where Do You Stand: Befriending Girls That Don't Have Other Girlfriends?

The company you keep says a lot about the person you are, so whenever I meet a woman who doesn't have many friends, I am curious as to why. Like all relationships, friendship takes work, commitment, honesty, and trust, so why is it that this new potential friend is friendless? Is it because she prefers being independent or is it because she's a bad friend? Is it because she's selfish or she can't be trusted, or am I just jumping to conclusions? Tell me, where do you stand on befriending those without other established friendships?

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coridee7 coridee7 7 years
I found this, ironically after my boyfriend criticized me for not having many friends - and a couple of the close ones I have our actually ex-boyfriends and the relationships are strictly platonic! They understand me and my moods and we share the same interests. We just didn't work well as a couple. He claims he has many friends, but if you analyze that statement - he has one! The others only want something from him - work on their car, work on their house, etc... (In essence, they want to use him!) I've soul searched this - and found that with many women, there is a lot of drama, a lot of gossip, and a lot of critcizing. Never mind the few friends I have considered close, I learned not to trust them! They are jealous and caddy! I hear women complain if they have daughters about how caddy girls are as they hit puberty and how back stabbing and even mean they can be! Ironically when I look back at growing up, those girls are still the same girls and now do not like the daughters who are just like them! What I have noticed, in myself and even with a couple of my nieces - the ones who got along better with their fathers are those that have grown into the women who do not portray themselves as the gossip munger, the drama queen, the highlight of the social cirlce who needs the high priced items to be "worth" something. The few women I do consider to be close had these same relationships with their dads. I view my mother as a very powerful, classy woman who before she retired was well known and well respected in the community. She never concerned herself with who her friends were and never tried to climb the social ladder, yet became an "icon" to those in it! They would beg for her attention, yet she was satisfied with her family and the few close friends she had. Ironically, two of her closest friends were men as well! So, to those who believe that because we have no friends, becuase of various reasons: I view it as this - we have more important things in our lives - our family, our homes, our jobs/careers and our own self worth! We choose to have friends (whether men or women) that are the same in respect! We choose to be close to those who do not bleed us dry or continuously want things from us. We choose to keep those closest to us the ones we view as a "true" support systems - again, those who understand us as a person and we know we can depend on and lean on when we are in dire straights! I would rather have a few close friends who I want to be around or talk to rather than those who want to "use" me or take from me!
coridee7 coridee7 7 years
I found this, ironically after my boyfriend criticized me for not having many friends - and a couple of the close ones I have our actually ex-boyfriends and the relationships are strictly platonic! They understand me and my moods and we share the same interests. We just didn't work well as a couple. He claims he has many friends, but if you analyze that statement - he has one! The others only want something from him - work on their car, work on their house, etc... (In essence, they want to use him!)I've soul searched this - and found that with many women, there is a lot of drama, a lot of gossip, and a lot of critcizing. Never mind the few friends I have considered close, I learned not to trust them! They are jealous and caddy! I hear women complain if they have daughters about how caddy girls are as they hit puberty and how back stabbing and even mean they can be! Ironically when I look back at growing up, those girls are still the same girls and now do not like the daughters who are just like them! What I have noticed, in myself and even with a couple of my nieces - the ones who got along better with their fathers are those that have grown into the women who do not portray themselves as the gossip munger, the drama queen, the highlight of the social cirlce who needs the high priced items to be "worth" something. The few women I do consider to be close had these same relationships with their dads. I view my mother as a very powerful, classy woman who before she retired was well known and well respected in the community. She never concerned herself with who her friends were and never tried to climb the social ladder, yet became an "icon" to those in it! They would beg for her attention, yet she was satisfied with her family and the few close friends she had. Ironically, two of her closest friends were men as well! So, to those who believe that because we have no friends, becuase of various reasons: I view it as this - we have more important things in our lives - our family, our homes, our jobs/careers and our own self worth! We choose to have friends (whether men or women) that are the same in respect! We choose to be close to those who do not bleed us dry or continuously want things from us. We choose to keep those closest to us the ones we view as a "true" support systems - again, those who understand us as a person and we know we can depend on and lean on when we are in dire straights! I would rather have a few close friends who I want to be around or talk to rather than those who want to "use" me or take from me!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 7 years
I don't really have any girlfriends but that is just because guys are so much easier to hang out with. I like hanging out with my friends girlfriends but there is always more drama with women. I don't think I give off that vibe though. One of my guy friend's girlfriend doesn't have any female friends outside of her family and there is definitely nothing wrong with her. She's shy like me so that makes a difference. She doesn't really talk to anyone so has no way to make friends. Bottom line: Don't think that just because a girl doesn't have girlfriends that there is a deep underlying reason for it.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 7 years
I don't really have any girlfriends but that is just because guys are so much easier to hang out with. I like hanging out with my friends girlfriends but there is always more drama with women. I don't think I give off that vibe though. One of my guy friend's girlfriend doesn't have any female friends outside of her family and there is definitely nothing wrong with her. She's shy like me so that makes a difference. She doesn't really talk to anyone so has no way to make friends. Bottom line: Don't think that just because a girl doesn't have girlfriends that there is a deep underlying reason for it.
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 7 years
lilCROAT03, I know how you feel. Some of my friends don't let me come along during football nights at a pub, and I have to gain their 'new' girlfriends' trust every time they meet a girl. Girls are definitely too cattie and jealous. Although I'd like to have a great girl friend, it's unfortunate that it's so hard to find one.
lilCROAT03 lilCROAT03 7 years
i hang out with guys. it's just a personal choice. i've been screwed over so many times in h/s and even in college that i've lost all faith in female friends. i like it but sometimes it sucks bc i end up being pushed out of certain things bc i'd be 'the only girl'. i have 'friends' that are girls but they always disappoint me in the dumbest ways.
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 7 years
I am one of those gals without many girl friends. But in my theory, friend is a friend. Although I barely have any girl friends, I have tons of supportive, caring, and fun guy friends. DearSugar, maybe you should change the title to 'friends'? Since the content does not specify 'girlfriends', anyways. Just a little suggestion.
Vaadsfweytes Vaadsfweytes 7 years
I am one of those gals without many girl friends. But in my theory, friend is a friend. Although I barely have any girl friends, I have tons of supportive, caring, and fun guy friends. DearSugar, maybe you should change the title to 'friends'? Since the content does not specify 'girlfriends', anyways. Just a little suggestion.
ilanac13 ilanac13 7 years
see - asking questions like that sometimes makes me feel like i'm a failure. i don't have a lot of friends anymore but that's partly because i'm very independent and partly because i move a lot and i can't be the only friend to make the effort to stay in touch. i send emails and call from time to time, but i've found that people that i had considered to be friends really aren't friends since they don't reciprocate. that doesn't mean that anything's wrong with me i don't think - but some of the probing questions kind of make me feel like it could be a bad thing with me...
EricaJane EricaJane 7 years
I have in total like 3/4 of a friend. I don't really have any great friendships, and it makes me so sad, because I have in the past had some great friendships, and one of those "there's no way we'll never be apart, we're soulmates" friendships. I lost them all through the years, and if you ask me most of them were mutually to blame, but in many cases, especially when trying to make new friends, I find that I might be trying too hard, and feeling taken advantage of. I would love to have a good friend, or even a few casual friends. I hope that anyone I might meet in the future isn't wary of me because of my lack of social circle.
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
i prefer to be close to only a few people, others i keep at a distance. the women at my girls school for example, this is our 5th year there and none of them know much about me or our home life. when i see them whispering and acting so self important it reminds me of why that is. frankly most people are so self absorbed that they don't give others much thought. when someone needs something i offer to help, whether they are a friend or not. when they don't need anything usually they forget where the help came from. when they don't, we become friends. that's fine by me because i get something out of being nice and feeling like i'm helping, but nothing from fake friendships. i find them exhausting and distracting.
bloomsgal8 bloomsgal8 7 years
I was a bit hurt by this too, but the comments made me feel so MUCH better! I agree with allourregrets. I dont have many female friends, since I tend to get along better with guys since you really can just pick up where you left off with them! Especially now, in my last year of college I just dont have time for hour long conversations every night that some of my older (and ultametly, quite catty) friends needed. Also, many of the girls I meet now are very into partying and going out to meet guys. I have a long term relaitonship and like relaxing (with a good book =)) rather than partying. But I do consider myself a good friend to people who I truly trust and who are good friends themselves. Haha I feel like I could be really good friends with many of you guys!
bloomsgal8 bloomsgal8 7 years
I was a bit hurt by this too, but the comments made me feel so MUCH better!I agree with allourregrets. I dont have many female friends, since I tend to get along better with guys since you really can just pick up where you left off with them! Especially now, in my last year of college I just dont have time for hour long conversations every night that some of my older (and ultametly, quite catty) friends needed. Also, many of the girls I meet now are very into partying and going out to meet guys. I have a long term relaitonship and like relaxing (with a good book =)) rather than partying. But I do consider myself a good friend to people who I truly trust and who are good friends themselves.Haha I feel like I could be really good friends with many of you guys!
bengalspice bengalspice 7 years
I'm always the person in the group that doesn't have many friends ... probably because I never have time to go anywhere since my work and family take so much of my time ... and I'm just now starting to build a social life now that I'm newly single. I also grew-up with really over-protective parents who never let me go anywhere ... so many of my past friends felt that extending an invitation to me was an invitation wasted since I would never show up.
bengalspice bengalspice 7 years
I'm always the person in the group that doesn't have many friends ... probably because I never have time to go anywhere since my work and family take so much of my time ... and I'm just now starting to build a social life now that I'm newly single.I also grew-up with really over-protective parents who never let me go anywhere ... so many of my past friends felt that extending an invitation to me was an invitation wasted since I would never show up.
alexagames alexagames 7 years
I was a tiny bit offended by this topic, myself... I definitely wouldn't assume someone is a lousy friend just because they don't know a lot of people. During the early part of my teenage years my family moved around a lot as a side effect of my father's job. I never really had an opportunity to put down roots and establish lasting friendships. About 3 years ago, my family finally settled down, and I decided to homeschool my last two years of high school to finish faster. Because of this, I never really had the opportunity to meet people my own age. I'm taking a year off before starting college next fall, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with the people I've met because they already HAVE an established group of friends. I feel like I'm intruding whenever I'm invited along. They'll always tell me I can bring along one of "my friends" to parties, outings, whatever... and awkwardness ensues, because I feel like there IS no excuse for me not to have a group of friends after living the the same city for almost 4 years. I have no friends, because I HAVE no friends... it's a vicious cycle! Besides that, I've always been the loner type. Not because I'm anti-social, but because I'm good at keeping myself company and am very easily entertained. I haven't met a lot of people who are interested in the same things I am. I'm the kind of girl who would rather stay home and read a good book than go to a party. Am I a bad friend because of this? I doubt it. I would hate to think that the people I meet are judging me for my less-than-abundance of friends.
alexagames alexagames 7 years
I was a tiny bit offended by this topic, myself... I definitely wouldn't assume someone is a lousy friend just because they don't know a lot of people. During the early part of my teenage years my family moved around a lot as a side effect of my father's job. I never really had an opportunity to put down roots and establish lasting friendships. About 3 years ago, my family finally settled down, and I decided to homeschool my last two years of high school to finish faster. Because of this, I never really had the opportunity to meet people my own age. I'm taking a year off before starting college next fall, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with the people I've met because they already HAVE an established group of friends. I feel like I'm intruding whenever I'm invited along. They'll always tell me I can bring along one of "my friends" to parties, outings, whatever... and awkwardness ensues, because I feel like there IS no excuse for me not to have a group of friends after living the the same city for almost 4 years. I have no friends, because I HAVE no friends... it's a vicious cycle!Besides that, I've always been the loner type. Not because I'm anti-social, but because I'm good at keeping myself company and am very easily entertained. I haven't met a lot of people who are interested in the same things I am. I'm the kind of girl who would rather stay home and read a good book than go to a party. Am I a bad friend because of this? I doubt it. I would hate to think that the people I meet are judging me for my less-than-abundance of friends.
Rebecca14916991 Rebecca14916991 7 years
I don't ask people how many friends they have before I befriend them; I find out after I have already connected with them to a certain degree. I am also offended by the assumption that loners are bad friends. I am a loner and a great friend; if I feel my bond with you is strong enough, I will do just about anything in my power to help you. However, I have been burned so many, many times, and I just don't have a lot of close girlfriends now because of that. For instance, in high school I had a friend I loved to death, and she started to show me scratches on her wrists sometimes. One time she came to school with a wrap (like the kind you wear when you sprain something) around her wrist, and when I asked her what happened, she said, "oh, don't tell anybody but nothing happened. I cut myself is all. Things just get too violent at home, you know?" I ran crying to the counselor's office after school because I was so scared for her. The next day she cursed me out; turns out she had never cut herself - all she wanted was the attention and sympathy she got from me in response. She swore never to speak to me again, and wouldn't even acknowledge my existence for months after that. It hurt me terribly.More recently, I joined a club that had been active for only one semester last year again this year because I wanted to reconnect with the friends I had made that year. Every single person within that circle shunned me, for a reason I cannot even fathom; it's not like they tried to contact me at all during the period in between, even though I did try to contact them. I couldn't enjoy the club and had to quit because they were making me cry every night. I also decided to room with a girl who was my friend before the summer started; we messaged each other over facebook regularly during the summer & I thought things were fine, but now that we live together, she acts very angrily towards me whenever she sees me despite an initially warm reception. We even have completely separate rooms and schedules - it's not like I'm around to be in her way, and not like she has tried to let me know about whatever she is mad at me about either. Now most of my friends are mutual friends of my boyfriend and me; I have a couple female acquaintances I see every so often and have fun with, but no close friends, and through no fault of my own. So I think people who assume things like that are being extremely unfair.
Rebecca14916991 Rebecca14916991 7 years
I don't ask people how many friends they have before I befriend them; I find out after I have already connected with them to a certain degree. I am also offended by the assumption that loners are bad friends. I am a loner and a great friend; if I feel my bond with you is strong enough, I will do just about anything in my power to help you. However, I have been burned so many, many times, and I just don't have a lot of close girlfriends now because of that. For instance, in high school I had a friend I loved to death, and she started to show me scratches on her wrists sometimes. One time she came to school with a wrap (like the kind you wear when you sprain something) around her wrist, and when I asked her what happened, she said, "oh, don't tell anybody but nothing happened. I cut myself is all. Things just get too violent at home, you know?" I ran crying to the counselor's office after school because I was so scared for her. The next day she cursed me out; turns out she had never cut herself - all she wanted was the attention and sympathy she got from me in response. She swore never to speak to me again, and wouldn't even acknowledge my existence for months after that. It hurt me terribly. More recently, I joined a club that had been active for only one semester last year again this year because I wanted to reconnect with the friends I had made that year. Every single person within that circle shunned me, for a reason I cannot even fathom; it's not like they tried to contact me at all during the period in between, even though I did try to contact them. I couldn't enjoy the club and had to quit because they were making me cry every night. I also decided to room with a girl who was my friend before the summer started; we messaged each other over facebook regularly during the summer & I thought things were fine, but now that we live together, she acts very angrily towards me whenever she sees me despite an initially warm reception. We even have completely separate rooms and schedules - it's not like I'm around to be in her way, and not like she has tried to let me know about whatever she is mad at me about either. Now most of my friends are mutual friends of my boyfriend and me; I have a couple female acquaintances I see every so often and have fun with, but no close friends, and through no fault of my own. So I think people who assume things like that are being extremely unfair.
bransugar79 bransugar79 7 years
I have to agree with a lot of you ladies. I'm not really into having a big social circle but I happen to be a very good friend. I think that having true close relationships often doesn't equate having a boatload of friends. It's a matter of quality not quantity and I know plenty of women who don't have other female friends because they have tried and had very bad experiences. I usually have one or two really close friends but more than that and I don't feel I can really devote the kind of time and energy it takes to be a really good supportive friend
looseseal looseseal 7 years
Yeah, I pretty much agree that the size of a person's social circle is not an indication of how good a friend she would be. Backstabbers can have a large circle of friends just as easily as someone perfectly nice. It's kind of like when people have 5493 people friended on Facebook. That doesn't tell you anything. Loners and introverts already get the short end of the stick in much of society. Constantly being told there's something wrong with them even when they're not hurting anyone. Oh, and if a high-profile murder case involves a "loner", you'll be sure that point would be highlighted in every media outlet. Funny how it's apparently so "wrong" to be friendless, but these stereotypes do their damnedest to keep people friendless. Is it one of those constructs of society that's there to make sure the masses always have scapegoats and "other people who can safely be considered less human" to look down on? I think so. As for me, currently, I have one best friend and the rest are all just acquaintances. I find men and women about the same to get along with. Over the years, there have been groups of friends that came and went as a matter of changing locations or interests drifting so we no longer have anything in common. No huge falling outs or anything like that. There's only been one friend I actually decided to cut out of my life, and that was way back in high school. Over all, I'd say I've bonded more with female friends than male friends. Mostly I just like to do things by myself. Things that absolutely require a group (parties, team sports...) don't really interest me, so I tend to be not very active in instigating activities with other people. On the other hand, I am one of those low maintenance friends who get that people have busy lives.
looseseal looseseal 7 years
Yeah, I pretty much agree that the size of a person's social circle is not an indication of how good a friend she would be.Backstabbers can have a large circle of friends just as easily as someone perfectly nice. It's kind of like when people have 5493 people friended on Facebook. That doesn't tell you anything.Loners and introverts already get the short end of the stick in much of society. Constantly being told there's something wrong with them even when they're not hurting anyone. Oh, and if a high-profile murder case involves a "loner", you'll be sure that point would be highlighted in every media outlet. Funny how it's apparently so "wrong" to be friendless, but these stereotypes do their damnedest to keep people friendless. Is it one of those constructs of society that's there to make sure the masses always have scapegoats and "other people who can safely be considered less human" to look down on? I think so.As for me, currently, I have one best friend and the rest are all just acquaintances. I find men and women about the same to get along with. Over the years, there have been groups of friends that came and went as a matter of changing locations or interests drifting so we no longer have anything in common. No huge falling outs or anything like that. There's only been one friend I actually decided to cut out of my life, and that was way back in high school. Over all, I'd say I've bonded more with female friends than male friends.Mostly I just like to do things by myself. Things that absolutely require a group (parties, team sports...) don't really interest me, so I tend to be not very active in instigating activities with other people. On the other hand, I am one of those low maintenance friends who get that people have busy lives.
gemsera gemsera 7 years
It is NOT a bad thing to have only a few or no friends.There are so many reasons, it is horrible to judge someone based on this :(I only have a few friends, but ive just moved here and friends are hard to come by in the countryside. And Mykie, your right, everyone needs friends :)So so bitchy, main reason why some girls dont have friends in the first place :(
gemsera gemsera 7 years
It is NOT a bad thing to have only a few or no friends. There are so many reasons, it is horrible to judge someone based on this :( I only have a few friends, but ive just moved here and friends are hard to come by in the countryside. And Mykie, your right, everyone needs friends :) So so bitchy, main reason why some girls dont have friends in the first place :(
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 7 years
It wouldn't stop me from being friends with someone. I have a hard time meeting people because I'm shy, so I would just assume they were like me in that aspect.
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