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Where Do You Stand: Open Relationships

There's always been a lot of controversy surrounding open relationships — you know, those relationships where a committed couple mutually decides to partake in outside sexual encounters separate from one another. While I’ve never entertained this idea, I know that for a surprising number of couples, open relationships do work. Of course, the couple has to set some general ground rules in order to prevent things from getting out of control, but even then, I can't imagine how emotions don't get in the way — even the least possessive of us still have the potential for jealousy under the right circumstances.

Where do you stand on the subject? Is an open relationship a good idea for a committed couple not interested in society's concept of monogamy, or is it a recipe for disaster?

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Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
I do know one couple that does that stuff. I hate to think who's joining in with them since I certainly wouldn't. They are both ugly as sin. Anyway it's kind of where I draw the line. It's beneath my standards. It's self centered silly behavior. It's not for me. I'm too possessive, too jealous. I told my husband if there was ever another woman in our bed I would feel the urge to kick her. What am I supposed to do? Watch? No thanks. He's mine all mine. A second man in the bedroom for me? OK. Hee hee. But that will never happen since he feels the same way. Thank God, because that means something important. A man who shares? I would think it meant he didn't love me at all. What if others were younger, more agile than him, than me? It's nothing but trouble.
designerel designerel 7 years
It may work for some, but it's DEFINITELY not for me. To me being in an open relationship is just a way of being able to sleep with other people-- having your cake and eating it too. My last ex propositioned me with this and that was the end of it. I get far too attached to my boyfriends to let this happen. It would kill me knowing he was being so intimate with someone else.
BRANDYNICOLE730 BRANDYNICOLE730 7 years
I've known of a few couples that tried the "open relationship" thing, and they are now all divorced. Maybe it works for some, but mostly, it is done out of selfishness of one of the partners, and resentment usually builds up way too much. Bad idea if you actually care about your partner.
lolabella lolabella 7 years
yaliyah - point well taken. i've been married for 12 years and have two daughters. i am not saying that i would ever have an open relationship with my husband, but i am DEFINITELY more open to talking about the possibility with him without a snap-judgement or a moral argument. moreover, i'm more secure within myself and also my marriage to know that if a plan was set out and adhered to, it would probably work! i no longer worry about him cheating or leaving like i did during the first 8 years of our marriage. i think it's perhaps because i'm 35 years old and am not jealous anymore. i understand that i cannot change my spouse or "make" him do - or want to do - a damned thing. if he leaves me for another woman, i seriously doubt it would be one he met in an OPEN relationship! LOL!
lolabella lolabella 7 years
yaliyah - point well taken.i've been married for 12 years and have two daughters. i am not saying that i would ever have an open relationship with my husband, but i am DEFINITELY more open to talking about the possibility with him without a snap-judgement or a moral argument. moreover, i'm more secure within myself and also my marriage to know that if a plan was set out and adhered to, it would probably work! i no longer worry about him cheating or leaving like i did during the first 8 years of our marriage.i think it's perhaps because i'm 35 years old and am not jealous anymore. i understand that i cannot change my spouse or "make" him do - or want to do - a damned thing. if he leaves me for another woman, i seriously doubt it would be one he met in an OPEN relationship! LOL!
yaliyah yaliyah 7 years
The overwhelming majority of responses are from ladies who are still dating or (i'm guessing) married for less than 5 years, just based on the Sugar demoographic. It seems that a lot of people turn to "open" relationships if they have been together for many years and the emotional bond is still there. They have built families and lives together, but the sexual bond has fizzled. Rather than breaking up what they have, they look outside the relationship for sex. I think that in some instances this can help spice up their sex life together. I don't think its a bad idea if everyone is on board and honest. Monogamy does seem to be socially constructed and is usually a complete failure if you look at the rapidly rising divorce rates and the idea that cheating runs rampant in our society. My biggest concern would be STDs and pregnancy because there is no way to ensure that your partner will always be safe or with low-risk partners when he isn't with you...
yaliyah yaliyah 7 years
The overwhelming majority of responses are from ladies who are still dating or (i'm guessing) married for less than 5 years, just based on the Sugar demoographic.It seems that a lot of people turn to "open" relationships if they have been together for many years and the emotional bond is still there. They have built families and lives together, but the sexual bond has fizzled. Rather than breaking up what they have, they look outside the relationship for sex. I think that in some instances this can help spice up their sex life together.I don't think its a bad idea if everyone is on board and honest. Monogamy does seem to be socially constructed and is usually a complete failure if you look at the rapidly rising divorce rates and the idea that cheating runs rampant in our society.My biggest concern would be STDs and pregnancy because there is no way to ensure that your partner will always be safe or with low-risk partners when he isn't with you...
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 7 years
i have friends who are in that situation, and it works for them and thats cool... me, personally, i could never do it in a million years. way to jealous of a person to do that, plus i'd always be worried that he'd want her more than he'd want me. plus, i always had the standpoint of 'if i wanted to have sex w/ someone else, i'd just be single'
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 7 years
i have friends who are in that situation, and it works for them and thats cool...me, personally, i could never do it in a million years. way to jealous of a person to do that, plus i'd always be worried that he'd want her more than he'd want me. plus, i always had the standpoint of 'if i wanted to have sex w/ someone else, i'd just be single'
TsuKata TsuKata 7 years
My husband and I have an open relationship, and we've had some level of open-ness for our entire relationship. We love each other dearly, but we both enjoy sex, and sex with other people is interesting to us. There are challenges. Communication is key. Also, you have to be willing to be absolutely honest with your partner and with yourself. We voice concerns to each other and work it out. If we sat around letting those things fester, it wouldn't work.
TsuKata TsuKata 7 years
My husband and I have an open relationship, and we've had some level of open-ness for our entire relationship. We love each other dearly, but we both enjoy sex, and sex with other people is interesting to us. There are challenges. Communication is key. Also, you have to be willing to be absolutely honest with your partner and with yourself. We voice concerns to each other and work it out. If we sat around letting those things fester, it wouldn't work.
Schaianne Schaianne 7 years
I believe in monogamous relationships. I have had friends with an "open marriage" before and it ended, of course. I've never seen it work out in the long run.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 7 years
Right now, I'd say no way. But if we were 20 years into the relationship and were barely having sex, I'd probably rather have an open relationship than a divorce, if the only thing missing was the sex. I'm not saying it would be easy. I really have no idea. I just can't predict what it will be like 20 years from now.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 7 years
:ROTFL:
Lele777 Lele777 7 years
BIG NO NO NO!!!! I WOULD HATE MY HUSBAND! ALL I WOULD EVER SEE WHEN I LOOKED AT HIS FACE ARE THE S*&%S HE HAD BEEN WITH AND FEELING EXTREMELY DISGUSTED BY HIS BEHAVIOR. WHY GET MARRIED. BE SINGLE IF YOU WANT TO BEHAVE LIKE THAT!
bingkaycoy bingkaycoy 7 years
It never works.
jaxon jaxon 7 years
NO WAY NO HOW!!
jaxon jaxon 7 years
NO WAY NO HOW!!
Janine22 Janine22 7 years
Although it's not my bag of chips, I think it's better than cheating behind your partners back (which I think happens much more than many women realize). At least it's open and honest, with guidelines and rules. Personally though, my fiance and I are both too jealous.
rimberry rimberry 7 years
Bleh, no freaking way could I ever do this. I am too possesive over my fiance...i probably beat the chick senseless. Haha :P
avettafawna avettafawna 7 years
I'm pretty insecure, and have not had enough long term relationships to say confidently that I could or could not have an open relationship, but maybe I could. I feel like if I had a solid enough relationship with a man, and knew that he was my absolute partner and best friend, than what would it matter if we acted on outside crushes, had a fling or two? I mean really, if I was with someone for twenty years? Perhaps. I would like to say though, that I think it is curious that a lot more women are likely to accept deceitful relationships with lying cheaters than an open relationship with an honest man. I mean really, how many "he cheated on me but I still love him" posts do we see on this site every week?
avettafawna avettafawna 7 years
I'm pretty insecure, and have not had enough long term relationships to say confidently that I could or could not have an open relationship, but maybe I could. I feel like if I had a solid enough relationship with a man, and knew that he was my absolute partner and best friend, than what would it matter if we acted on outside crushes, had a fling or two? I mean really, if I was with someone for twenty years? Perhaps. I would like to say though, that I think it is curious that a lot more women are likely to accept deceitful relationships with lying cheaters than an open relationship with an honest man. I mean really, how many "he cheated on me but I still love him" posts do we see on this site every week?
cvandoorn cvandoorn 7 years
I was thinking about it this morning, and I could never knowingly be in an open relationship. I say knowingly because i've been cheated on before so I guess my exes saw it as an open relationship. I just can't stand the thought of my man with another woman.
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