Skip Nav

Who Should Pay The Bill?

Dear Sugar
I have been on three dates with this really great girl. We met at a friend’s birthday party and immediately clicked. I got her number and asked her out a few days later. Our date went really well; we had excellent and steady conversation, great sexual chemistry, and lots of laughs. I paid the bill, drove her home and kissed her goodnight. I asked her out on a second date which wound up going just as well as the first date.

A few days later, she called to ask me out. She picked the restaurant and drove us to dinner. Again, we had a great time. When the bill came, we were both still finishing our wine so neither one reached for the check as I was under the impression she was treating.

This standoff lasted quite a while until I realized she wasn’t going to offer to pay. I ended up paying the bill and took her immediately home. I was so shocked I honestly don’t think I will ever ask this girl out again. Am I overreacting? What are the rules when it comes to paying on a date? Peeved Peter

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Peeved Peter
There are no set rules to dating. Every person is different and every couple has their own views on dating etiquette. Typically, when the man asks the woman out, especially on the first date, it's customary that he pay. However, in this day in age, anything goes. I feel whoever initiates the date should be responsible for taking care of the check.

I understand your irritation; chalk it up to poor etiquette, but are her tactless table manners worth giving up on that same girl you liked so much on the first date? Some girls, like this one, are firm believers in traditional old-fashioned values, i.e., the man always picking up the tab. Perhaps someone should remind your gal pal that we live in the 21st century and it's OK once in a while to treat if you are both employed.

I think it was a pretty lame move on her part, but she was sending you the message that she wanted you to treat. I'll bet she thought that if she picked up the tab this time that she would be setting a tone with you. Clearly, she doesn't to ever be responsible for the bill. I will say, even if she didn’t intend to pay, at least she could have gone for the fake wallet grab!

Latest Love
Looking for the perfect gift this holiday season? Order our POPSUGAR Must Have box now >>