I need some help. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and we've been living together for 6 years now. A couple years ago I had to move to Texas for college but we wanted to stay together so he followed me to Texas and moved into an apartment together, he also found a great job here too. Everything is great; we share the bills, food, rent and everything...as if we're like a married couple. When we first started going out, we would talked about getting married someday after finished with school. Well, I'm done with school and have a great job and I'm ready to get married. And we even moved into a home of our own last year. So since we bought a home and everything and have been together for this long, I assumed marriage would be coming up soon. Well, when I talked to him about the idea of getting engaged, his reply was, "What for? It's like we're married already....it's just a big waste of money for a wedding and everything...besides everyone in our neighborhood around here thinks we're married already..." When I brought up the subject again, he just whined and shrugged off the idea. Sugar, I'm worried and upset. If he's being cheap about a wedding, I can settle for a very small backyard wedding and I even told him that. But suddenly it feels like he doesn't want to marry at all and I don't think I want to stay in a relationship if we aren't in a marital relationship. We bought a home together. I'm almost 27 years old. I don't think I can be with someone who doesn't want to get married because there's always that little opening in the relationship where we can just end the relationship and lose everything. Worried girlfriend
Dear Worried Girfriend
Ugh, he is just being plain old difficult. It's a guy thing. He thinks, "why buy the cow when I can have the milk for free." You guys have taken the steps as a married couple but never bothered to get married. You would think at this point, he would want to share this experience with you. Tell him again how much it means to you to have a wedding and to declare your love and devotion for each other in front of family and friends. Tell him that you want to make it official and that it will keep bothering you if it doesn't happen and it will only result in damaging your relationship. Have you ever talked to him about his insecurities or fears? Maybe he's totally freaked out by the idea and figured that if you've gone through all of this already, you'll never ask. If he's really against it, you have a big decision to face. When you're talking to him, listen hard and think about his level of aversion to marriage. If he's dead set against it, then maybe you shouldn't marry him at all and this little ultimatum is a blessing in disguise.