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Why Do Guys See Me as a Friend?

Group Therapy: Always the Friend, Never the Girlfriend

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

This is a problem I have been experiencing since I hit puberty and started showing interest in guys. For some reason, whenever I get together with a crush, I get the buddy treatment and they divulge to me their girls problems, which generally means there is no chance for me.

It happened again yesterday. The guy I've been crushing on for a few months and I finally made plans to hang out. There had been a lot of obvious flirtation at work and I was pretty sure there was a mutual interest. He picked me up yesterday and we went for a walk. We had lots to talk about and seem to have similar senses of humor. When it got cold out we came back to my house to watch a movie. Once there, he began to spill about a girl he was casually seeing for the past few months and how things are pretty rocky (she was leading him on while dating another guy, though he wasn't aware of the boyfriend).

Obviously, I have been relegated to sympathetic female friend once again. I would just like to know why this keeps happening, or what I can do to avoid this in the future? Any tips please? I'm sick of being "friended!!"

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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Fixe Fixe 5 years
i'm on the same boat!! :( i'm always the friend!!!
Fixe Fixe 5 years
i'm on the same boat!! :( i'm always the friend!!!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
I think it would help if you became more of a challenge to guys. The girls who end up friended all the time tend to exude a rather soft persona. Don't be so nice and understanding. Expect to be treated like a lady. Which means men opening doors and paying for lunch and lifting things for you. If you see yourself as feminine and different from a man, deserving of special treatment, he will see you that way also.Obviously you can't play Scarlett O'Hara all the time at work. Stuff needs to get done and you are expected to do your share. But when you have a crush on a particular man, give him a little attitude to show you aren't just one of the guys.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
I think it would help if you became more of a challenge to guys. The girls who end up friended all the time tend to exude a rather soft persona. Don't be so nice and understanding. Expect to be treated like a lady. Which means men opening doors and paying for lunch and lifting things for you. If you see yourself as feminine and different from a man, deserving of special treatment, he will see you that way also. Obviously you can't play Scarlett O'Hara all the time at work. Stuff needs to get done and you are expected to do your share. But when you have a crush on a particular man, give him a little attitude to show you aren't just one of the guys.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 5 years
* I meant to introduce you to guys not with guys!
totygoliguez totygoliguez 5 years
I disagree with cherryk 100 percent. I've done that, been friends with someone I really liked, but he only saw me as a friend. He would tell me all his girl problems and just having to give him advice and be his "buddy" was really painful, never again! And it lasted for a while. I was the idiot who always gave him a shoulder to cry on. I opened my eyes when he finally told me: " You are the sister I never had." It obviously broke my heart. My advice to you, is to run as fast as you can and don't play the "friend" game. Try to hang with guys you are not friends with. Ask your guy friends, to introduce you with guys that you might be interested in. That's the best advice I can give you.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 5 years
I know it's hard to do (and it's too late with this guy), but next time, I say you make your feelings known! It could be that these guys are unaware of your interest in them, particularly if you are friends/acquaintances for months before making any plans to hang out.
Carri Carri 5 years
I wonder if he was telling you about this girl as an "in" with you?
cherryk cherryk 5 years
Funny thing is my friend is going through the same thing you are! I really feel for you. It's sucks liking someone who doesn't appear to return your feelings. My advice to you would be to support him and continue being a friend. Give him a while to realize that the girl he's seeing is really not what he wanted all along. If he's still hung up on her, then it's time to move on. Another thing I want to add is, don't always expect men to come to you. Try to be more assertive.
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