So this is going to be sort of a rant. It's not really a question — I'm more just looking for advice or reassurance. I have a boyfriend of over 2 1/2 years and things are going downhill. I think that he would rather be without me and I think he doesn't really remember me when I'm not around. As soon as he's with his friends, I disappear. He doesn't call or text me when he's with his friends and I don't hear from him all day, but if he doesn't hear from me for an hour, he freaks out. I want a guy who's proud of me, who wants to show me off. I want to meet someone who makes me laugh and is just a positive aspect of my life. I want someone who calls me to say, "I love you" just because he was thinking about me. If I'm not getting that, then why would I be with anyone right now? Why would I settle? Why would I stay with a guy who used to be my prince charming but has since become more of a frustration and constant source of disappointment?
I can't remember the last time he did something for me. I can't remember the last time he made me feel like a princess. I think that he would much rather have a single life in the frat house (Where he lives. Yes, I hate it, but I didn't want to be the nagging girlfriend who told him not to live there), but for some reason he won't let go. We both know it's not because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, he's broken my heart enough times and acknowledged that he has in fact hurt me constantly. Is it because he's afraid of being alone? I know that he doesn’t have anyone other than me to talk about his problems. He doesn’t have anyone else to call the morning after a party, he only has people to call the night of the party. I want to be the girl he calls that night and wakes up next to that morning. I need to stop being there for him on demand and disappear when he's done with me. He doesn't have a car and I do. He lives in the city and I live an hour away, but go to school in the city so I am constantly commuting. Whenever he needs a ride, I go get him. Whenever he wants to see me, I go to the city. If he needs an errand run, I'm the one who does it. I'm so sick of being ashamed of and brought down.
I'm only 19 and I'm in university. If I'm with a guy, shouldn’t it just be fun, passionate, silly, and crazy? I don’t want any of this nonsense. I want to either be single and have the time of my life with my friends, or be in a relationship full of lust, love, and innocence. I've never been the kind of girl who goes from boyfriend to boyfriend. He was my first everything and I am completely in love with him, but why should I lose respect for myself by allowing him to treat me poorly? I constantly say that I'm no longer the girl to get walked all over, pushed around and brought down, but that I am worth everything that I want. Yes, I'm aware I'm going to have to go through a few losers to find my guy, but it will happen no matter how many times I feel like I need him or like I'm willing to settle because I miss him.