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Why Would My Boyfriend Disappear?

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Disappeared After a Year

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I was in a long distance relationship, which began when I met the guy last summer in London while he was working out here.

It was a whirlwind romance, and we had the best fun together . . . he was just amazing. After 4 months, he returned to France and we continued to see each other at least once a month, as it was only a 1.5 hour journey on the train to each other. He came to visit me in London, and I went to see him in France many times . . . we spent New Year's together and I became really attached to him. I just adored the guy.

In March, he had to go and study in Sweden for 4 months, when he got out there his behaviour changed a little  as he was not so attentive and was making new friends, etc. Understandably, it was a lot harder to keep in touch as it depended entirely on when he was available to chat. After a month I went to visit him in Sweden and I did notice that his attention toward me was not quite the same when I was there, but over the weekend, we spent a lot of time together and we had such a great time. He never said that he wanted to stop seeing me at any point. In his last month out there, he made less and less effort to get in touch. I saw photos of him with other girls on his Facebook which hurt me a lot.

He eventually made time to talk to me, when he returned to France, and he explained that he was not in love with me. But said it could be because he doesn't get to see me enough. He came out to London the following week and spent a whole week here. We didn't feel as close because of the things he said, but we continued having sex all day long and he seemed to want to keep seeing me. When I tried to talk to him about us, he said he wanted to see me again, but now I see that he was lying to my face. Because I never heard from him again, since the day he left London. Almost 4 weeks ago now.

Read the rest here.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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Join The Conversation
lovelyrose lovelyrose 3 years
Hey girl! I can so relate to this when I was reading it - so I know exactly how you feel. Mine was also a long distance relationship. What goes around comes around.. so don't worry you may be hurting now but there will come a time in your life when you are happy ...and you will see he will be suffering. Because noone gets away with . It's called karma. So be strong and don't contact him at all. You deserve better :)
RoseraDesigns RoseraDesigns 5 years
It sucks that you have to go through that - closure is good, even if YOU have to initiate it. You just have to ask yourself if you want to deal with this any longer. It seems to me like he really doesn't care about how you feel, otherwise he'd make more of an effort. It seems like he's just using you for times when he feels like he needs the closeness with someone, and no one deserves to be kept on the sideline until the other person is ready to be attentive and affectionate. That's just selfish. Just allowing him to do this to you makes you his 'side dish' and you should never have to put yourself in that position. In the end, the only one who hurts is you. So my question to you is, who do you love more? Mister 'comes around when he wants' or yourself? You could do so much better - I say, "Take out the trash and move on."
lilcutiebooboo lilcutiebooboo 5 years
Some people just grow apart. I know it doesn't really help but talking it out with a good friend would be better for you because it is obvious that he doesn't. It'll hurt you more if you try to talk to someone who doesn't want any contact, besides a physical one. You should respect yourself enough to stop pushing this guy into a conversation he doesn't want to have which you probably know that answer to anyway. Girlfriends are there for you, or family, so stop wasting your time and effort on this lousy guy and realize the problem is not you.
Kirters Kirters 5 years
I had a very serious, 3.5 year long relationship that ended similarly. The feelings are awful and leave you feeling like, "what did I possibly do to cause/deserve this?" At the end of the day, the guy wanted out and just didn't have the balls to do it formally and you have to just move on. I have been in a new relationship for a while now and realize that while I had an amazing time with the guy who just up and left, there were problems all along and I deserved better. You'll find better!!! Stop trying to contact the ex to allow yourself to meet someone new!
lauraxtc lauraxtc 5 years
That must suck for you but obviously he was not interested in a relationship. Just realize that it wasn't your fault, you had fun and move on.
JessieSP JessieSP 5 years
I agree with Jazzytummy here.
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 5 years
I think you should send him an email anyways. But you will probably not get a response because of the way he is. Just don't expect a response. If you do, it could make things worse because you will be checking your email a bazillion times a day. I did this before because I didn't want to call the moron. I knew he wasn't going to respond anyways but I still checked my emails frequently for about a week. It made me feel better and I always read the email everytime I think about maybe having a future with him. It really summarizes what he did to me throughout our relationship and acts as a reminder of the person that he is. And the money part, he might have forgotten it, send him an email, but seriously, don't expect him to pay up. He sounds like a douche. Raspberry, I like what you said: You are priceless and should not give yourself away to a man not willing to pay the price of your time, your body, your friendship, your spirit. Your knight and shining armor is out there and being prepared just for you. Be patient and allow this man to exit your life and allow someone more worthy to be on the front row of your life. I will keep that in mind.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 5 years
What jazzy said is spot on. You might not get closure from this creep, but please learn a valuable lesson. Don't ignore the red flags and don't let men use you like that.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
He enjoyed having sex with you, but was obviously not monogamous and never wished to be. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, have you around for sex, but keep his single status. He thinks he is a good guy by telling you he wasn't in love with you, but you have been obvious about your strong feelings, and yet he still strung you along for awhile for sex. It is beyond inconsiderate....he used you and now doesn't have to the courage to just tell you straight up it is over. His bullshit excuses are just that, please open your eyes and read the not so subtle message in between the lines. You will meet guys like this all of the time. The most important thing is that you recognize it early and don't waste anymore of your life on douchebags like this. Oh, and BTW, if being honest with someone "scares them away", they were not the right guy to begin with.
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 5 years
Closure is great, but not always possible. It's especially not good if it involves you doing all the work to get it in detriment to your sanity and emotions. I think his behaviour says it all. There are unfortunately crappy, inconsiderate people out there who aren't mature enough to just say how they feel. I've been there with an ex. I felt that i resonated so well with him, that i allowed myself to become unhinged and i now see how this was so far apart from the person I know i am. Leave him be. You can do better. He's made his intentions clear and it sucks, but i guarantee in a little while you'll be grateful that you are past this and never again allow anyone else to treat you as such in your future.
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