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Working Day and Night

Dear Sugar
I am married to a wonderful man, he is my Mr. Right but I do all of the cooking, 98% of the cleaning, all of the child raising, and work part-time. Everyday he comes home to a home cooked meal, to a clean house, and to a child that thinks he's a superhero. The rule at my house is if it hasn't been done, it's because I haven't done it yet.

Dishes not done, toilet not scrubbed, homework not handled, dog not walked, only because I haven't done it yet. Is this normal? I'm not even 30 but I feel like I am having a mid-"wife" crisis. Are there any men out there that cook a meal and wash a load? Most of the time I don't mind taking up the role of a house wife, but other times I feel like I am being taken advantage of.

I get up early every morning to get the kid off to school while he sleeps in late. I go to bed early so I can get up early, he stays up late then comes crashing into the bed, turning the lights on and making all sorts of noise in the middle of the night. Is this normal, or is my guy the jerk I think he is. Sick and Tired Sally

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

You certainly have your hands full don't you. Every family is different, and finding the right balance takes some trial and error, but you sound fed up. Before you got married, did you discuss your ideal family dynamic? Who was going to play what role so you could live happily ever after?

There are many men out there who do cook and clean, but it sounds like you automatically took the role as the caretaker, and your husband has gotten quite comfortable. Have you spoken up? Does he ever chip in around the house on the weekends? Do you ever have time for yourself or alone time with your husband?
Does he at least acknowledge everything you do to provide a nice home for the three of you?

Until you let him know you want help, chances are he won't take the initiative of picking up some of the slack. If you feel taken advantage of in your own home, something needs to change. Being a full time parent and wife, not to mention having a job outside the home is no small feat, so let yourself be heard and hopefully your husband will prove you wrong. Good luck.

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