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Worried About Biological Clock

Group Therapy: Worried About Biological Clock

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm a 27-year-old hispanic woman who is currently not dating anyone and still lives at home. I help my family out because my dad is very ill and my mom doesn't have a high school education. I have three younger brothers who live with me and two of them are engaged and one of them has a long term serious girlfriend.

I have been feeling very depressed lately. I don't have a great job, so I don't have the right funds at this moment to move out. I work two jobs to help out as much as I could, but lately I don't know what to do.

I know women sometimes have kids in their 30s. I want to have a family, kids, the whole thing, but I feel as if my sands of time are not on my side.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get my life to a better place? I feel sad all the time and am considering insemination at a clinic. It's over $2,000 . . . and I don't want to raise the child in my parents' home.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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karlotta karlotta 4 years
You have time. I'm 34 and we're not thinking of having any kids until next year at best. I understand the feeling of urgency, but as much as it starts being appropriate at my age, it really isn't at yours. And I met my mate at 28, so you see, there's no reason to panic about anything. Life goes differently for different people, and you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends - ever. Just concentrate on your own stuff, things that fulfill you and make you happy and a better person, work hard and dig for new interests, new contacts, and fill your life with things that make you a better you during these next last years of freedom. Then you'll be in a good place to meet someone and have all the kids you want. Good luck!
katiekat95 katiekat95 4 years
Don't do it!! My finance and I are 27 and we still agree we're not even talking about having children until we are in our 30's. You have plenty of time!
countchocula countchocula 4 years
I agree with the above posters. Hold off on the baby -- you've got plenty of good years left and while there are amazing single mothers out there, I don't think it's right to knowingly deprive a child of his/her father. Think a few years in the future when the child questions his/her origins. What would you tell them? While I'm a very family-oriented person and believe helping parents should be a priority, I don't think the people who raised you would want you to sacrifice your life and future... especially when you have 3 other siblings who can help! I'd suggest attending a community college (those for-profit career schools put you into a considerable, unjustified amount of debt for a certification or A.A. you can complete at a CC). You'll open doors for better employment and a better social life... who knows, you might meet someone! I really think higher education is the answer to your problems. It empowers you in every way possible. Good luck!
the-girl-girl the-girl-girl 4 years
I get how you feel. I grew up in a very ethnic family as well and I know the viewpoint they have about having kids earlier (in 20s or early 30s). This becomes especially hard when your younger siblings get on that track. However I think what you need is plan. A plan that's going to make you first happy, stable and in the best position to raise a child. Not the other way around. I realize you have to work two jobs right now, but what you also need to do (as hard as it is) is work on something that will increase your future earning potential. You don't want to work at two jobs forever especially with a family someday. I would suggest doing something that advances your job prospects (whether online schooling, a real night time school or a job with career advancement). I think if you are working on that plan you will also be happier as you can imagine a better future for you and your family. And likely if you are doing something new and better for yourself you will likely meet someone to share your future with if that is something you want out of life.
bryseana bryseana 4 years
27 is still very young. My grandmother had my father when she was 42. You have plenty of time. You don't want to have a child because of your biological clock. It should be because you have a great desire to be a mom. As far as helping your parents out financially, maybe your brothers could help too? You shouldn't have to carry the whole load. If you're going to be spending over $2000 dollars on something, maybe it should go towards school. Since your job doesn't pay that well, investing in education might help things a lot. I don't know what you are interested in, but physical therapy assisting is always in demand. It's a two year program. For a licensed assistant, the salary is between $40,000 to $65,000.
GTCB GTCB 4 years
Uh, yeah, it's time to move out and get laid. Your first responsibility should be to yourself. Your parents will have to take care of themselves - you have a bunch of brothers, WTF? They can pick up the slack.
katialoves katialoves 4 years
blurgh typos uhh i think my meaning was clear though
katialoves katialoves 4 years
what you're feeling is natural (although some depression treatment may help it probably wont erase your desire for a baby) i suggest taking steps to making that happen for yourself. go out more (ask your brothers to pitch in at home) try online dating from home and meet in safe spots. and maybe ask your future sisters in law to set you up with their coqorkers or anyone else. also look for a better job, at least something that brings you a bit of fulfillment. what do you do at night? have you considered watressing or bartending since they are high paying (tips) and also a way to meet a lot of people? know concentrate on the fruits of your labour (saving money for the family you hope to have one day or even just for your own place)
LaSigh LaSigh 4 years
Calm down :) You still have plenty of eggs left (and even about a decade of the great ones left) If you want to start a family- why not start by looking for a mate? I disagree with the people above that being a single mother is the hardest thing in the world (I was a single mom for 8 years) but it is WAY more enjoyable with someone you love (also paying 2000 for it? Are you trying to ruin the most fun part of pregnancy?)
EvieJ EvieJ 4 years
Do NOT have a child on your own. Listen to Helen. I am raising a child on my own (NOT by choice, I was married when my daughter was born) and it is the hardest thing to do. I have a stable living environment for her, but it is still incredibly difficult. Imagine bringing a child into the picture when you are already taking care of all the people you are taking care of. And if you're depressed now, what are you going to do when it's 3am, your baby won't sleep, you're already tired from your job, you've got to get up in the morning to go work two jobs, you've nobody to take care of your baby when you work, your dad is still ill....babies, as wonderful as they are, make life harder, not easier. Listen to Helen and Rjs Baby Girl. Go see a therapist to deal with your depression. And, trust me, if you don't have the funds to move out, you don't have the funds for a baby. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to the baby. Get yourself whole and healthy, and then think about having a child, whether on your own or with a partner (but choose a better partner than I did!!!).
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 4 years
OP, I agree things will get worse not better if yiu have that child. I think your biggest problem is your employment. What would it take for you to get a better job?
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 4 years
I think like Helen Danger. You are so depressed that you are not thinking straight about this. You are already working 2 jobs to make ends meet and don't have a home of your own, how will you be able to raise a baby? They cost a ton of money. Who is gonna babysit while you are at work? A baby is not gonna cure your desire for a united family. It's even gonna make it harder to find a boyfriend. You won't have time to date or meet new people while working 2 jobs and raising a baby on your own. I'm just trying to be logical here. Go see your doctor about your depression, it's the best thing you can do for yourself right now.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
If you think you're depressed now, wait til you bring a fatherless kid into the picture. Don't do it. Do not. Go to the OTHER clinic instead and get yourself screened for depression. Everything will feel so much easier once you start getting that under control.
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