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Worried About Boyfriend Cheating While on Work Trip

Group Therapy: Boyfriend on Work Trip, Says Everyone's There to Hook Up

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend recently decided to go attend a company holiday vacation. On the day before he left he told me that only the sluts of the company would attend because they would get free dinner and drinks and they would basically drink 24/7 when they are there.

There are also other skiing activities planned but he said that most of the people seem to be more interested at being at the bar and finding a sex date for the night than anything else — so getting laid seems to be popular on these holidays. But my boyfriend reassured me he only wants to go there because of the skiing activities (which he can't usually afford) and doesn't want to hang around with these people but he has to, because holidays like this are meant to bring the company closer together.

Now after telling me this, I got a bit worried about why he decided to go there. He has done something involving emotionally cheating to me a year ago and I still haven't really recovered from it. I am not even sure why I am scared but he wrote me one email yesterday telling me about the clubs and that he is thinking of me but he didn't call me. Should I be concerned?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 4 years
It sounds to me like he told the OP about the slutty girls to prove how loyal he is despite the temptation. Though I also agree with @pinkelephant that a cheater will not tell you how he is going to cheat. It's up to you to decide if you can trust him, lack of trust will manifest itself in areas of your relationship you might not realize. Maybe you both should see a relationship counselor once he gets back.
tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 4 years
It sounds to me like he told the OP about the slutty girls to prove how loyal he is despite the temptation. Though I also agree with @pinkelephant that a cheater will not tell you how he is going to cheat. It's up to you to decide if you can trust him, lack of trust will manifest itself in areas of your relationship you might not realize. Maybe you both should see a relationship counselor once he gets back.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
What is the matter with some guys!? I mean if I had cheated on someone in the past (i haven't) and then was going to a place full of horny girls who would do anything to get me in bed because I'm a male and they have low self esteem (this is what I'm inferring from the office "sluts" comment) I wouldn't tell my girlfriend about that! Just leave it at: Im going on a company ski trip. To ski.Anyways: did you ask him outright who would be there? Are one of those girls the one he emotionally cheated on you with? Otherwise I don't see why he would bother telling you all this extra information.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
What is the matter with some guys!? I mean if I had cheated on someone in the past (i haven't) and then was going to a place full of horny girls who would do anything to get me in bed because I'm a male and they have low self esteem (this is what I'm inferring from the office "sluts" comment) I wouldn't tell my girlfriend about that! Just leave it at: Im going on a company ski trip. To ski. Anyways: did you ask him outright who would be there? Are one of those girls the one he emotionally cheated on you with? Otherwise I don't see why he would bother telling you all this extra information.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 4 years
From your post, I don't really get the sense of a man about to cheat on you, but of a man who's only interested in a chance to ski with his buddies. What matters is if you trust him though. I think you're more worried at the fact, that he tells you all these things but I don't think he really meant anything when he told you these things, he was probably just talkin'. Men are pretty clueless with the things they say to us and how it makes us feel. He probably has no idea how insecure it makes you feel. Tell him. He probably thinks he's being honest with you. Think about this, a man about to cheat would probably not tell you, his girlfriend,about the wild parties that some of his co-workers are planning. At the end of the day you have to decide for yourself if you trust him? Ask yourself why you feel this way? You mentioned that you still have residual issues stemming from an earlier episode involving him, have you brought this up to him? If not, I'd consider telling him, how you feel. Long-distance is tough...believe me, I know. Keep in contact with him, but don't fret if he doesn't always call...Remember, men can be clueless. Bring this up to him, I think he'll understand.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 4 years
I agree with jazzytummy. I would want to know his intentions for telling you things. The fact that he chose to say the trip was going to be full of people trying to hook up makes it seem like he wants to say later that he couldn't help it if he slips up. While it's true that he can cheat on you anywhere, I'd be concerned that he made those comments to you and I'd want to talk to him to find out why he felt the need to share that if he's really only going on the trip to ski.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 4 years
Am I the only one that thinks it was shitty that he told her the holiday was full of sluts, drinking, and sex dates? What was the point of that, to completely stress her out, or to give himself a pass? Crappy unnecessary thing to say to her, IMHO.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 4 years
Am I the only one that thinks it was shitty that he told her the holiday was full of sluts, drinking, and sex dates? What was the point of that, to completely stress her out, or to give himself a pass? Crappy unnecessary thing to say to her, IMHO.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Kurnia is right, he can cheat on you anywhere. No ski lodge or club required. And nothing you've written is definitive proof of an intention to cheat on you. But I can also understand why you'd feel uneasy considering the way he's described the holiday. Full of "sluts" and drinking and sex dates. Yet your boyfriend says he's just going for the skiing. If he's really really into his skiing and is good at resisting temptation, maybe he's telling the truth. Pay more attention to what he does (or neglects to do) than what he says. That'll get you to the truth a lot faster. Good luck!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Kurnia is right, he can cheat on you anywhere. No ski lodge or club required. And nothing you've written is definitive proof of an intention to cheat on you. But I can also understand why you'd feel uneasy considering the way he's described the holiday. Full of "sluts" and drinking and sex dates. Yet your boyfriend says he's just going for the skiing. If he's really really into his skiing and is good at resisting temptation, maybe he's telling the truth.Pay more attention to what he does (or neglects to do) than what he says. That'll get you to the truth a lot faster. Good luck!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
This is why I think that after cheating, it's so hard for couple to stay together because of the broken trust (hard, but not impossible). Relationship trust is so much like a mirror, even though the pieces are being put together, you can still see the 'cracks from when it's broken, basically, you won't ever forget. Anyway, it's been a year. I sure hope you're not expecting him to forever be checking in on you and assuring you that he won't cheat, forever trying to convince you is impossible feat. I understand that he needs to make amends and works to gain your trust back, but since you've decided to be with him still despite a betrayal, then you need to do your part of working on trusting him too and despite what you know and have experienced with him, you..have to start putting your faith on his loyalty again. He doesn't have to go away on a skiing trip to cheat on you, sweetie, remember that. No one can answer you if you should be concerned or not, only you and your bf can really answer it.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
This is why I think that after cheating, it's so hard for couple to stay together because of the broken trust (hard, but not impossible). Relationship trust is so much like a mirror, even though the pieces are being put together, you can still see the 'cracks from when it's broken, basically, you won't ever forget.Anyway, it's been a year. I sure hope you're not expecting him to forever be checking in on you and assuring you that he won't cheat, forever trying to convince you is impossible feat. I understand that he needs to make amends and works to gain your trust back, but since you've decided to be with him still despite a betrayal, then you need to do your part of working on trusting him too and despite what you know and have experienced with him, you..have to start putting your faith on his loyalty again.He doesn't have to go away on a skiing trip to cheat on you, sweetie, remember that. No one can answer you if you should be concerned or not, only you and your bf can really answer it.
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