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Worst Analogies Ever Written In A High School Essay

Worst Analogies Ever Written In A High School Essay...And yes, there was actually a contest for this. Below are a few of the "winning" (or least profound) entries:

  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. - Unknown
  • He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. - Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. - Russell Beland, Springfield
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. - Roy Ashley, Washington
  • Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. - Russell Beland, Springfield
  • Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." - Russell Beland, Springfield
  • The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. - Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.
  • They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. - Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.
  • The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. - Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria
  • Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. - Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. - Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
  • The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. - Unknown
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. - Joseph Romm, Washington
  • Source

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Join The Conversation
Fergie-Ferg Fergie-Ferg 9 years
hahaha! wow.
LizaToad LizaToad 9 years
these are great... i used to work at the writing center while at school and boy have i seen some awful writing like this!
3Sweeties 3Sweeties 9 years
I think the one with the "second tall man" was actually pretty good!
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 9 years
KimmiAnn KimmiAnn 9 years
ROFLMAO!!! Ohhhh I love those! I would rather die a thousand deaths than to see my mother's dress on that spoiled, selfish cow! Danielle - Ever After
Elevenhounds Elevenhounds 9 years
Oh, these are great!! I especially like the hefty bag of vegetable soup. Now THAT'S an image!!
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