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You Asked: Am I Asking Too Much?



DearSugar --

I recently started seeing this man, and i'm really starting to like him. We have gone on 4 dates, and I am having a hard time because I only talk to him a couple of times a week. This is hard for me to deal with. In my last relationship, my boyfriend and I talked daily (multiple times, whether by text, phone, email).

I am 40 years old and have 3 children, so we both have baggage and responsibilities. But in a relationship so young, do you think it's too early to bring up the subject of how often we speak to each other? Do I need to be more patient and give it more time? ~ Hurried Heather

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Dear Hurried Heather --

You're asking yourself all the right questions. I know how exciting a new relationship can be, how much there is to say, and how much you just want to hear his voice. It's difficult to be patient, Heather, but it's healthy and it's wise. Given that you're not yet in a relationship and things are only in the dating phase, I think it's pretty great that you guys are talking a few times a week. That seems appropriate. If you two do build a relationship, more contact and conversation will evolve along with the romance.

You're right not to get too far ahead of yourself or too far ahead of him, Heather. It takes time to know someone, for them to know us, and it takes time to be clear about how new people will figure in our lives. In the meanwhile, I'd suggest talking with your girlfriends or family if you need extra support. Journaling is also a good way to manage anxiety or to meet the simple but intense need to get stuff out. Good luck, Hurried Heather. And enjoy these early days of your courtship!

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