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You Asked: Am I That Bad of a Kisser?

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this great guy for about four months now. He is my first
kiss, boyfriend, first everything. He dated only one girl before me and it
only lasted about two months, but recently when we make out or he kisses me goodnight, he has this habit of commenting on how, "he promises we will get the kissing thing down soon." He has said this three times and it didn't bother me the first time he said it, but now that he has said it multiple times the words are starting to sting. I know that I am VERY inexperienced, but so is he! I love being around him and kissing him, but he has taken the fun out of making out because the whole time I'm kissing him I'm pre-occupied with wondering what I could be doing wrong. I kind of just want him to either say something nice after we kiss or not say anything at all because commenting on how we aren't doing it right is making me
extremely self-conscious. Should I talk to him about it or just let it go? I
know his intentions are meant well because he's not saying it in a mean
way, but I don't think he realizes the effect of his comments. Help!

—Embarrassed Emilie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Embarrassed Emilie,

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Yeah sure, it takes a little practice to get the kissing down pat, but when you really like someone, you just follow your heart and do what comes naturally, so there's really no wrong way to do it.

Truthfully, everyone kisses differently. Some people like a lot of deep tongue action, and some people prefer a lot of closed-lip kissing. Since you're both pretty inexperienced, I think it's something you two can work on (and have fun practicing), but not if he's going to continue making you feel self-conscious.

If you really like this guy, I think you should talk to him about how you feel instead of keeping your feelings bottled up inside. Maybe you can ask him what he likes, you can tell him what you like, and you can try some different ways of kissing each other. You should definitely mention something about how his words are hurting your feelings, since I'm sure he'd want to know that he's offending you. With some time and hours of making out under your belt, I'm sure you'll work out all your kissing kinks. If he continues to be insensitive and critical, I'd give this guy to someone else and find a nicer guy to smooch. Good luck!


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