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You Asked: Am I Being Played For a Fool?


Dear Sugar,

To make a long story short, I have been in an on again/off again relationship with a former colleague for years. We go to events together, date, kiss, etc, but there's no real commitment. He knows that I've decided to remain a virgin until marriage, so this is not just his scheme to get laid. A friend of mine decided that she wanted some answers, and she approached him to ask about our relationship. He didn't know that she was my close friend, and he revealed to her that he is not at all interested in having a relationship with me. So why do I still care so much? Every time I try to back off, he just pulls me in again. I'm so confused.

— Feeling Used Felicity

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Dear Feeling Used Felicity,

You still care about this person because you're human, and while rationally you might know that having feelings for him is a bad idea, it doesn't mean your heart has realized that yet. It takes time to break away from someone, but in this case, that's what you have to do. Though I don't know the details of your history together, this guy sounds like a charmer to me, which means that he reels you in not because he has any intention of commitment, but because he likes the comfort of always having you there. Even if you're not having sex, he's still getting something out of this and you're just getting a broken heart.

If you continue to let him, this guy will try to pull you in over and over again. You just have to put your foot down, and remind yourself that you deserve that commitment that you're looking for. Once you make the break you'll be able to open yourself up to all sorts of new possibilities. I know this will be difficult, but it'll be worth it. Good luck.

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