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You Asked: A Boyfriend Who Needs Educating?

DearSugar --

My boyfriend of 3 years says that a blow job is not considered sex and that online sex is not cheating. How can I explain the true facts of these things to him??? Please help me.
-- Reality Check Rita

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Reality-Check Rita --

I suspect your boyfriend knows what isn't appropriate this way, my dear, and ever since he was a young man, in fact. Besides, even if there weren't any rules of thumb about monogamy and fidelity, wouldn't you expect him to have his own sense of right and wrong, concern and respect for your relationship, and a personal code of conduct? You don't need to give him the facts, I fear; I think you need to state your expectations.

Part of having a healthy relationship includes sharing common ideas and values, particularly around sex, intimacy, and trust, Reality-Check Rita. This dilemma seems less about educating him and more about establishing what a committed relationship means to you. If your principles are vastly different, it usually indicates a good deal of pain and misunderstanding are on the horizon.

I know you've been together for 3 years already, but I'm very concerned about your future and your health, especially if your boyfriend believes oral sex with other people is a legitimate activity. I would guess he might be able to rationalize other behaviors, as well, and that could pose any number of dangers for you. You absolutely deserve to be with someone who shares your love, your values, and your ideas about sex and faithfulness, Rita. I hope you'll begin to think of this difference in a new way, and in a way that includes your needs.

Ladies, I would be grateful for anything you might offer around this topic.


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