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You Asked: Can Guys and Girls be Friends?

Dear Sugar--
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We live about 3 hours away from each other. His best friend is a girl. They've been best friends since 8th grade and dated for a little while once in high school. She goes to school in Alabama so he hasn't seen her in a few years. She recently came back home because she broke up with her fiance.

My boyfriend has been spending a lot of one on one time with her since she has been back since most of her friends are still living in Alabama. She knows about me, but we've never met. While I trust him completely, I don't trust her. I have told my boyfriend that I'm not comfortable with him hanging out with her all the time he completely understands and reassured me I have nothing to worry about, but I know how women can be. If she wants him she's going to try until she gets it. I feel like a bitch for asking him not to see her again without me because she's been his best friend for so long and she is going through a hard time, but I just have a bad feeling about this girl. --Powerless Paula

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Powerless Paula--

I don't blame you for being irritated about your boyfriend spending time with his ex, but since you aren't there to watch over his every move, you're going to have to trust him when he tells you there is nothing to worry about. A woman's intuition can be very telling, but something makes me think there is more to the story. Do you have a history of distrusting women? Has a boyfriend cheated on you in the past or have you been unfaithful in a relationship before?

Fortunately your boyfriend is being honest with you about the time they spend together, so it sounds to me like he is simply trying to be there for a good friend since it sounds like she has no one else. Since they have known each other so long, perhaps reaching out and getting to know her could help with your anxiety about them spending time together in the future. Since you have already voiced your concerns, hopefully your boyfriend will back off and respect your feelings. Try not to get too wrapped up in the details but be sure to keep the lines of communication open so you don't feel left out. Good luck, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.


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