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You Asked: Can I Ask her for Money?

Dear Sugar--
Last night a good friend and I drove over an hour to the airport to pick up another friend of ours and then back home to drop her off, and her plane didn't come in until almost midnight, over an hour later than she originally told us. Anyways, on our way home we had to stop and get gas and it cost $50 to fill up the tank. We were making side comments on how expensive gas was, and how it took more than a 1/4 of a tank to get her, yet she never offered to give us gas money. Is there a way to ask for something like that and still stay polite? We're all at the age where we are in college or just finished and money is always tight. ---Scraping By Sascha

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Scraping By Sascha --

I can understand your frustration with your friend, but it sounds like you are more irritated with her lack of gratitude than the money at hand. Oftentimes mixing friends with money is a bad idea, and since you offered to pick her up at the airport, I would say that paying for the gas and dealing with the delay is included in that offer.

While it would have been a nice gesture for your friend to pay for the gas, I don't think it is appropriate for you to ask her to pitch in, especially after the fact. After sitting through a long flight, I am sure gas money wasn't the first thing on her mind, although a heartfelt thank you should have been. I understand what it's like to be strapped for cash, so next time she asks you to pick her up at the airport, perhaps you should decline being your friend's personal chauffeur.

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kiddylnd kiddylnd 9 years
I agree that if you offered your services that you can't ask... Am I the only person wondering - WHAT KIND OF GAS GUZZLER ARE YOU DRIVING? I live where gas is 3rd most expensive (sometimes 4th or 5th, but UP THERE) in the NATION and it costs me $35 to fill my tank. Which means you either have a big tank or a big car which uses more gas to get to the airport and back. Also - if I knew I had to go to the airport, I'd make sure my tank was full before going on the trip. You may have even put your friend in a bad position by stopping for gas. She may not have anticipated that you would be making that stop and not had anything to contribute. I'd be tired and cranky as all get out and would have felt terrible in that situation and not wanted to start an argument, therefore not said anything at all.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
1. If you offered...YOU CAN'T ASK..at least it makes you look bad. 2. If she asked...ASK BEFORE the fact not after. 3. Planes get delayed all the time! I agree with Sugar..it sounds more like you resent her for not being more grateful than anything else. ---- Next time if you want lots of thank yous and praise you should rescue a kitten from a tree or something...lol.. :p
JessBear JessBear 9 years
I wish I lived the kind of life where $50 was no biggie, but, umm, it is. I get where you're coming from- two of my good friends don't have cars, yet they get annoyed when I say I really can't come out to see them. If it was a one time thing, blow it off- you've surely had an etiquette lapse at one point, and friends are supposed to be the ones you're allowed to occassionally mess up with. If it's a habitually thing, make note of it and make it known that you can't afford to keep chauffering her around like that. Airport trips are ALWAYS a hassle- it should be standard for the pick-up-ee to treat the pick-up-er to lunch.
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
I think that fifty dollars is a big deal. I think you have every right to ask her for it even though she is your friend.
Vdogg Vdogg 9 years
the fact that you're bothered by this makes me wonder if this is not the first time your friend has done something similar to this? is this friend known for her moochy ways, or is this the first time she's acted a little selfishly? If you find it to be a problem, speak up. If it was her first slip-up then forgive her & soon enough i'm sure youll need a favor from her too.
rubialala rubialala 9 years
I think if you want some help with the gas money, it needs to be arranged in advance.
L7amiguita L7amiguita 9 years
I agree with the majority. Come on, it's $50! Is it really that big a deal to HAVE to ask her to pay you back? You guys are friends, right? If it bothers you so much, next time decline to pick her up. You should never EXPECT something from someone else, especially if you guys are friends.
Marci Marci 9 years
cubadog is right. Once you made the offer without mentioning splitting costs, that was that. But she SHOULD have made some kind of gesture, like offering to split it or do lunch, as cd said.
callmehoney callmehoney 9 years
i think if you guys are all friends, what's 50 bucks? i'm sure she will repay you eventually. it's too petty to try to ask for money back when you agreed to pick her up in the first place. next time you need a ride from the airport, you know who to call.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
Nica has it right on the money! LOL. I think it is rude that she didn't offer or tell you she will give you a gas card the next time she see's you. But you knew how far away the airport was and there is always delays on plane arrivals. As for the money next time a friend wants a ride.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
It sounds like you offered to pick her up so you really can't ask for money. She should have done the right thing and chipped in when you stopped for gas or offered to take you to lunch the next day or offer to pick up the next time you go out of town!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
me three. i should have said if you ask before hand then nothing is uncomfortable.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Agree with nica 100%.
nicachica nicachica 9 years
if she asks you next time to pick her up at the airport, then you should say that you would be glad to but would appreciate some help with the gas money since the airport is so far away. the key is to ask BEFORE, not after the fact. it's a bit of a moot point after you picked her up and making side comments just makes it sound passive agressive. i'm sure your friend would be happy to chip in.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
i think it's perfectly acceptable to ask if she can help out with gas, if she has no money at the moment she can pay you later. if i have a friend who is driving out of her way to pick me up somewhere or give me a ride i always offer to chip in for gas. it's just good manners.
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