Just last week, I found out that my significant other had been with another woman for the past year. She and I happened to be at the same place, at the same time. He told her he no longer spoke to me, and then told me she was just a friend. We found out he had been texting us the same things -- he almost paid his tuition and one of his bills. I paid his bills a lot, but he always paid me back. For Christmas I got him an iPod, he got me nothing, but gave her a $150 certificate to a spa. For his birthday I spent $1300 on a trip to New Orleans, and he invited her to come, but she didn't.
He even had his roommate call her and say that I was lying and he had only been with me one time. With that all said and done, should I ask for my things and money back or just let it go? How should I do it? What should I do? This was a man who would tell me all the time how if he didn't marry me, the next man I date would. I'm so torn, and I don't know how to go about things. Please help me handle this with respect and dignity. ~Betrayed Barbara
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Dear Betrayed Barbara --
This situation sounds just horrible, as does this man. I'm relieved you're out of the relationship, though I wish the circumstances weren't so brutal. People might disagree with me, Barbara, but I would suggest walking away and staying away, no matter what you want back. Consider it a small price to pay for the truth, your freedom, and the future possibility of meeting a man with some scruples who knows how to love you.
The best way to protect your self-respect and dignity, now that you know the situation, involves letting him go for real and for good. Please don't see him or interact with him. Let the ipod go, the cash, the pair of shoes you left at his apartment. Whatever it is, it has less value than your peace of mind and self-worth.
The sooner you cut ties the sooner you can attend to your heartbreak. The sooner you do that, Barbara, the sooner you learn from this experience and create something radically different and better for yourself. I send you courage and comfort.