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You Asked: Can I Tell My Boyfriend to Get a Job?

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now, and it seems like everyone around us is getting engaged, married, having kids, and moving in together. I'm not in any rush to get married, but I do want us to live together. He is currently unemployed and we don't have the money to move in together. How can I get him to start looking for a new job without sounding like a nag?

--Ready To Move In Renee

To see DEAR SUGAR's answer

Dear Ready To Move In Renee--

I am wondering where your boyfriend is living now and how he's paying for it. As a matter of fact, how is he paying for anything? Is he living with friends or family? Is he charging all his expenses to his credit card? And how long has he been unemployed? These are great questions to answer, because they'll help you figure out how mature your man is, and if he is "living together" material.

I know you may be feeling bad that everyone around you is in relationships where they are either married, engaged or cohabitating, but even though you are ready for that next step, it doesn't sound like your man is. Living together may seem all fun and exciting, but it takes a degree of maturity and responsibility from both people to make it work.

If I were you, I'd definitely encourage him to go out and get a job - you're not being a nag, you're doing him a favor. Even if he does get one, I wouldn't move in with him just yet. He needs to prove to you that he can keep a job, have his own apartment, manage his money and pay his bills. If you move in with him before you know he can be responsible in that way, how can you be sure he can pull his weight when you're sharing an apartment together? Be patient, but don't be too patient. If you don't see him making any effort in the job search, I'd think about finding yourself the responsible and mature man you want and deserve.


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