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You Asked: Can a Relationship Last Without Conflict?


Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 15 months and things are going really well. We are in love and we couldn't be happier with each other. We both have quiet and mellow personalities that seem very compatible. In the two years I've known him, we've never had a serious fight. I don't want to rock the boat, but I wonder if the way we get along is normal.

We are both very rational people, and I think we've done so well because if something is bothering us we'll go to the other and talk about it. We won't do anything that will knowingly make the other upset or angry. We've only really had one serious issue, but it was resolved simply by talking through it. I've always heard some fighting in a relationships is healthy, so can a relationship last long term without any major conflict?

— Curious About Conflict Carrie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Curious About Conflict Carrie,

Just because occasional fighting is a sign of a normal relationship doesn't mean that a lack of fighting is a sign of an unhealthy one. Every couple is different and depending on personalities and circumstances, some people are more prone to disagreements than others. Stress can cause an otherwise conflict-free couple to suddenly let the smallest issue escalate; it doesn't mean they aren't meant to be, it just means that they're having a difficult time getting along.

From what you describe, both you and your boyfriend seem to have a very effective way of communicating with each other, which is great! But do keep in mind that just because you haven't fought yet, doesn't mean that you never will. Fifteen months is certainly a significant amount of time to be in a relationship, but you may be surprised how things change as your relationship develops. So don't suddenly panic if you run into a period of time where you have a few arguments; every relationship has its ups and downs. As long as you keep that same level of communication, then fight or no fight, I'm sure things will be fine.

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