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You Asked: Is That Cheating?

Dear Sugar --

My boyfriend is in a real dark part of his life. He is in between jobs and he keeps quarrelling with those closest to him. Recently, we went to his friend's birthday bash in which he drank way too much while I was the sober driver. Things were getting out of control and a random girl I have never seen before grabbed my boyfriend's face and kissed him - he kissed her back. I was right there and couldn't believe what I saw. I have not been on good terms with my boyfriend since and I am confused as to how to handle the situation. He has apologized over and over, but I'm still furious. Am I over-reacting? Should I ever forgive him? Was he just drunk? -- Bent out of Shape Bonnie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Bent out of Shape Bonnie --

This sounds like a classic case of having too much to drink. The fact that neither of you know this girl makes me think she simply took advantage of your intoxicated boyfriend. Since you were right there watching the whole thing, I don't think it was a malicious act on his part, rather a poor judgment call. According to the textbook definition, yes, what he did was "cheating", but everyone has a different opinion of what constitutes cheating.

Even though your boyfriend didn't initiate this contact, he should still get nice and cozy in the doghouse! Being in a bad place in his life and going out drinking when the going gets tough is not the answer. He needs to understand how it made you feel to see him kiss another woman, especially at a party in front of all your mutual friends. Of course, you're still furious, who wouldn't be, so what he needs to do is lay off the sauce and give you time to forgive him.

Relationships have their ups and downs, but the decision is ultimately up to you. Time is a great healer so hopefully you can put his drunken night behind you. Good luck.


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