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You Asked: Did I Fall Out of Love?

Dear Sugar--

I've been in a relationship for about 4 months with what is seemingly the perfect guy. He treats me well. He makes sure that I am always happy. He calls when he says he will... etc. At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him, but he grew on me and I thought I fell in love with him.

We started to spend all of our extra time together, merging our friends and our activities. To make matters worse, I recently moved to a new place and he sort of moved with me, aka staying over every night. At first everything was great and I thought he could be "the one".

I went away for a week, and I didn't really miss him, and all of a sudden I have a completely different feeling about him. I don't know why. I completely avoid him and I don't feel the same when I'm with him. It was just this all of the sudden thing. I know he really loves me and I know at some point I loved him too, but is this a sign that it's over or rather that I'm over him? What should I do?

--Falling Out of Love Laura

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Falling Out of Love Laura--

It sounds like you're just not into this guy anymore, Laura. That's not to say that you never had deep feelings for him at one point, but it's pretty apparent that your feelings have since changed. It's just like what Bonnie Raitt says in I Can't Make You Love Me, "you can't make your heart feel something it won't." Being in a forced relationship with someone isn't fair to you or him, so it sounds like it's time to break it off.

Think about what it is about him or this relationship that you didn't particularly like or that didn't meet your needs. Use this relationship as a learning experience so when you meet other guys in the future, you'll have a better sense of what will make you happy for the long term.

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FrogPrincess165 FrogPrincess165 8 years
you know this just happened to me, my ex and I flirted nonstop in the office for 5 months or so and then he left the office and we started seeing each other outside the office for dinner then movies and then we were spending weekends together. First we hung out with his friends then mine then brought them all together and then came hanging out with his family...then after 6 months, he suddenly broke things off. Saying the relationship was getting to serious. I was "perfect" but he had "issues." Please whatever you tell this guy do NOT call him perfect. Give him the real reason. By my ex calling me perfect it has kept my heart thinking he will come back to me. Please do not cause more heartache than has to happen.
FrogPrincess165 FrogPrincess165 8 years
you know this just happened to me, my ex and I flirted nonstop in the office for 5 months or so and then he left the office and we started seeing each other outside the office for dinner then movies and then we were spending weekends together. First we hung out with his friends then mine then brought them all together and then came hanging out with his family...then after 6 months, he suddenly broke things off. Saying the relationship was getting to serious. I was "perfect" but he had "issues."Please whatever you tell this guy do NOT call him perfect. Give him the real reason. By my ex calling me perfect it has kept my heart thinking he will come back to me. Please do not cause more heartache than has to happen.
Jessie-M Jessie-M 8 years
It sounds like you fell into the most dangerous part of a relationship-infatuation-and just ran with it. This can be the best part of a relationship, but can also end up being the worst if you aren't careful. There are obviously reasons that you liked this guy to begin with-I agree with the idea of taking a break and getting some perspective on how you really feel about him. It may be that he was just a "Mr. Right now" instead of a "Mr. Right".
Jessie-M Jessie-M 8 years
It sounds like you fell into the most dangerous part of a relationship-infatuation-and just ran with it. This can be the best part of a relationship, but can also end up being the worst if you aren't careful. There are obviously reasons that you liked this guy to begin with-I agree with the idea of taking a break and getting some perspective on how you really feel about him. It may be that he was just a "Mr. Right now" instead of a "Mr. Right".
junebrug junebrug 9 years
It sounds like things just moved too fast, and you found yourself in a marriage-like relationship long before you were ready. But I wouldn't discount him completely. Over the course of a relationship, people sometimes love each other, sometimes hate each other, and sometimes feel nothing. If you feel he's right for you in the larger sense, I would be patient. But if you weren't really feelin' it from the beginning, do him the favor of being honest fast.
Novaraen Novaraen 9 years
Truthfully i still get this way with my husband after we have been around eachother too much. I get to where he just annoys me and i cant stand to be around him. I still love him, no doubt...but its then that i know i need to get away from him for awhile and have some time on my own. It works for us..because everyone needs their alone time and if this guy has been around you 24/7, then pretty much guaranteed that you are going to be sick of him. Either just give it a break for awhile and see if you can come to terms with what it is that bugs you about him...or just split now before things get any messier. good luck to you.
lily3484 lily3484 9 years
I definitly agree with Dear; If you guys had been together for a longer period of time, I would say differently. If you have these feelings now, I dont think they are going to change in the future and like you said you didnt 100% feel him in the begining (I think that was your gut speaking). You guys should definitly talk about the relationship and see how he feels too.
deedee0782 deedee0782 9 years
i feel you on this one. sometimes you meet someone and its just so great and you are caught up in the moment, and then it's like a switch flips and you're just sitting there like, ew i do NOT like you any more. it's normal and it's life. it seems like he is definitly a bit clingy, so while you may have to be a bit more gentle with it, i would cut it off with him. in my personal opinion, if someone was saying i love you and telling me i am the one within a four month span of time, id be freaked out and leave anyway. good luck!
vmruby vmruby 9 years
Tell him the truth and don't procrastinate. Obviously the relationship has run it's course.It happens. He deserves to be happy with someone else and so do you.Good Luck!!!!!
Ikandy Ikandy 9 years
Spending every night together too early in the relationship can kill everything, even if u think he could be the 1. Esp if you havent even discussed living together (does he still have his own apartment???)...I guess u guys went WAY too fast! I agree with Gooniette, u might not wanna throw everything away. A break could be good. But if u keep avoiding him, that might hurt alot more.
Ikandy Ikandy 9 years
Spending every night together too early in the relationship can kill everything, even if u think he could be the 1. Esp if you havent even discussed living together (does he still have his own apartment???)...I guess u guys went WAY too fast!I agree with Gooniette, u might not wanna throw everything away. A break could be good. But if u keep avoiding him, that might hurt alot more.
Cymone Cymone 9 years
From what i got from your letter, it sounds like you were forcing your self to love him in the first place because he was "seemingly perfect". But that doesn't mean he was perfect for you. I suggest you go out there and find the guy that is because this relationship would be a waste of time if you're not comfortable with the guy.
gooniette gooniette 9 years
sounds like he moved way too fast and is a bit clingy which can be a real turn off. maybe it's time for a 'break' to see if you miss him when it's been more than a week. if not, keep the break up.he'll find someone else to cling to soon enough and you can enjoy your independence in the mean time.
gooniette gooniette 9 years
sounds like he moved way too fast and is a bit clingy which can be a real turn off. maybe it's time for a 'break' to see if you miss him when it's been more than a week. if not, keep the break up. he'll find someone else to cling to soon enough and you can enjoy your independence in the mean time.
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
He grew on you? Er, yeah.. true love. ?!?! Sounds like four months was all you are going to get out of this. Or, you have issues with commitment and accepting somebody else into your life. Either way - be fair on him and break it off whilst you are still aware you are not that into him anymore. Otherwise you could end up engaged, married, two kids born and screwing your boss at 40 because you're so miserable. Don't laugh, it happens.
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
He grew on you?Er, yeah.. true love.?!?!Sounds like four months was all you are going to get out of this. Or, you have issues with commitment and accepting somebody else into your life.Either way - be fair on him and break it off whilst you are still aware you are not that into him anymore. Otherwise you could end up engaged, married, two kids born and screwing your boss at 40 because you're so miserable.Don't laugh, it happens.
koolbr33z3 koolbr33z3 9 years
Sounds like you weren't that into him to begin with and that he was way more into you but the feelings weren't exactly matched. As far as relationships go, there is a weird time that most couples go through where they spend so much time together that they kind of get sick seeing each other. Also, being constantly around each other can lead to a lot of fights over some really stupid things. I know that had happened to my boyfriend (now husband)and me during our initial year together. Of course, this phase passes but fights come and go. In any case, you should talk it out with your significant other. Communication is key in any relationship. If it doesn't work out, then it really wasn't meant to be. Relationships are never easy. Good luck in any case!
rashell rashell 9 years
you can't change the way you feel. it happens, it's not the end of the world (for him or you) just be glad you realized it before more time went by.
rashell rashell 9 years
you can't change the way you feel.it happens, it's not the end of the world (for him or you) just be glad you realized it before more time went by.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
so the whole thing, from start to finish was less than 4 months. sounds like it ran it's course and it's over. after such a brief run i doubt he'll be upset. just be honest and tell him it was fun but you're not feeling it.
Marci Marci 9 years
I agree with Dear; it does sound like you're ready to move on. Too bad he moved in with you; that makes things a little sticky.
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