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You Asked: Do I Bring It Up or Wait For Him?


Dear Sugar,
I am in my 30s and recently divorced. I started communicating with a guy online about three months ago. We really hit it off, and he seems like a generous, caring person who I have a lot in common with. There is quite a distance between us, but somehow we have managed to meet several times in the last few months. I have really enjoyed our time together and think that I might be really interested in this guy. Because of the distance, I allowed things to get physical earlier than I would under normal circumstances, but there is a definite physical attraction we both can't deny.

I understand that in dating terms, you're not technically in a relationship until he says "Will you be my girlfriend?" but I feel uncomfortable sleeping with someone who could potentially be sleeping with other women. Do I broach this scary subject with him and chance that he'll run for the hills, or do I just protect myself and enjoy this great attraction? — Perplexed Poppy

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Dear Perplexed Poppy,

I'm so excited for you that you met someone you really enjoy — that's so fun! It's perfectly normal to be insecure about any relationships before you've had the BF/GF talk, but knowing whether or not the guy you're dating is sleeping with anyone else is more of a right than a privilege. You said it best, you need to make sure you're safe and protected against STIs, but you also need to protect your heart by finding out if he's emotionally connected to anyone else like he is with you.

Talking about your status with this man will no doubt be nervewracking, but wouldn't you rather know where he stands sooner than later? If you truly feel like he could run for the hills over this, I have to say he probably isn't worth getting involved with in the first place, but if you're just saying that to protect yourself, you'll never know unless you ask the tough questions. The best (and scariest) part of a new relationship is learning all about each other, so use this time to ask for what you want while letting him know how you feel. Good luck!

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