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You Asked: Do I Have to Choose Between My Boyfriend and My Friends?

DearSugar --
I am 24 years old and I'm in a great relationship with a man I hope to marry. We can't get enough of each other, and I love spending all my free time with him. Everything really is great, except I know my friends are feeling neglected.

They are still in party mode and they go out every weekend and a lot of times during the week. I am just more settled and enjoy spending time at home with my boyfriend. I don’t want to lose my friends, but I have no interest in going out to bars and getting drunk when I could be home cuddling on the couch with my man. What should I do? --Torn Tanya

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Dear Torn Tanya --

It's wonderful that you've found a good man whose company you enjoy, and you shouldn't feel guilty for being happy and contented at home. The early stages of a romance are an important bonding period for couples; it is natural and expected that more time is devoted to being with each other and exploring the relationship. Although your friends may miss you, I'm sure they're happy for you as well. It's a change for them, and there might be a little adjustment period. Mature friendships will weather this period, and soon you'll find a happy balance between tending your friendships and nurturing your relationship.

It might help to let your friends know how important this man is to you, while also letting them know how much you need and value their friendships. Since the bar scene isn't your scene anymore, maybe suggest a movie, lunch or a girls' night at home? What about a mani/pedi trip together? Change is inevitable and change is necessary. Finding new ways to be together with your friends might be good for everyone.

Good luck, and try not to spread yourself too thin. Most of all, do what makes you happy, Torn Tanya, and be with those who share your happiness.


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