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You Asked: Do I Have a Right to Be Annoyed?

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I treated our son and daughter-in-law to a five day vacation in Las Vegas for our son's 30th birthday. They had a great time and look forward to going back. They brought back token gifts for their friends and co-workers but nothing back for my husband and I!

Since we go to Vegas once a year, my daughter-in-law felt that it was pointless to bring us anything but invited to take us out for dinner instead. Am I wrong to feel disappointed? I know I sound shallow but I really feel a little something would have been a nice gesture. Please share your thoughts with me before I drive myself crazy! — Jealous Jannie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Jealous Jannie,

Let me first tell you how generous it was of you and your husband to send your son on such an extravagant trip, he is very lucky to have such giving parents. Since you guys are frequent Vegas travelers, I think their choice to take you to dinner as a thank you is in fact, the right move here. Although it's natural to feel left out since you were the only ones that didn't retrieve any tchatzkahs, keep in mind that you're the only ones that will get the chance to receive a proper thank you dinner and a chance to hear all about their wonderful trip.

It's normal for 30 year olds to bring back mementos for their friends, but it sounds like they are holding you and your husband to a higher standard. After all, you didn't send them there just so they could bring you back something, did you? You should be grateful that they want to thank you in a grown up manner instead of comparing you to their younger friends. Enjoy the time you spend with them and have fun listening to their vacation tales. I hope this helps.

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CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I can’t stand people like that.“Here is a gift, now where is my due” A gift is a gift, it’s not a loan or a test to see if someone can read your mind. The fact that this Monster in law is only talking about her daughter in law shows where her mindset is. I know people who give expensive things like that, trips or cars or jewelry because they feel like it makes them look so good, its not for the pure joy of giving that’s for sure.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I can’t stand people like that. “Here is a gift, now where is my due” A gift is a gift, it’s not a loan or a test to see if someone can read your mind. The fact that this Monster in law is only talking about her daughter in law shows where her mindset is. I know people who give expensive things like that, trips or cars or jewelry because they feel like it makes them look so good, its not for the pure joy of giving that’s for sure.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
I hope they live far from you. i think you'r a sh*t-starting mother in law.you sound like a pre-teen with all that whining. Be glade they are taking you to dinner. get over yourself. Vegas trips aren't like going to Paris. You can get a flight there for $200 bucks round trip.Don;t give gifts if you're looking for something in return.I wouldn't accept anything from you with that behavior, honestly.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
I hope they live far from you. i think you'r a sh*t-starting mother in law. you sound like a pre-teen with all that whining. Be glade they are taking you to dinner. get over yourself. Vegas trips aren't like going to Paris. You can get a flight there for $200 bucks round trip. Don;t give gifts if you're looking for something in return. I wouldn't accept anything from you with that behavior, honestly.
eastcoastgirl eastcoastgirl 8 years
Dinner is so much better than some cheesy gift or token souvenir!!
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
WHAAAAAAAAT....!!! You'd rather have a cheap key chain that says LAS VEGAS than a dinner with the people you love....???? wow.... Lady, grow up!
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
WHAAAAAAAAT....!!!You'd rather have a cheap key chain that says LAS VEGAS than a dinner with the people you love....???? wow....Lady, grow up!
reeeeka reeeeka 8 years
I agree 100% with what EVERY SINGLE PERSON has said. This post is REDICULOUS! How selfish and self centered of you to expect a gift for giving a gift. That's not what gift giving is about. What really pisses me off is the fact that you blame your DIL and not your son for this little "issue" if you can even call it that! I bet you it was HER idea in the first place to take you to dinner instead of spending $5 on a stupid gift from Vegas. I'd much rather spend time with my family at dinner...I just can't believe this post. I read that you've already posted this in group therapy. Are you looking for validation of your feelings? I don't think you're going to get that...atleast not on here. You need to appologize to your DIL and your son for being such a bitch of a MIL and mother.
reeeeka reeeeka 8 years
I agree 100% with what EVERY SINGLE PERSON has said. This post is REDICULOUS! How selfish and self centered of you to expect a gift for giving a gift. That's not what gift giving is about. What really pisses me off is the fact that you blame your DIL and not your son for this little "issue" if you can even call it that! I bet you it was HER idea in the first place to take you to dinner instead of spending $5 on a stupid gift from Vegas. I'd much rather spend time with my family at dinner... I just can't believe this post. I read that you've already posted this in group therapy. Are you looking for validation of your feelings? I don't think you're going to get that...atleast not on here. You need to appologize to your DIL and your son for being such a bitch of a MIL and mother.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
I agree with Sugar! Dinner is more personal too and they can talk nabout how much they loved the trip and how thankful they are for it!!!
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 8 years
Is this for real?They're thanking you by taking you out to dinner! Who cares about a token gift?
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 8 years
Is this for real? They're thanking you by taking you out to dinner! Who cares about a token gift?
sunnynight sunnynight 8 years
The dinner will be way more expensive than the souvenir, won't it?
karisaamy karisaamy 8 years
Dinner out is a thank you - take it don't ask for more when you gave a gift.
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 8 years
Wow. I def. wouldn't wanna be friends with you!
PinkUnicorn PinkUnicorn 8 years
What did you want them to bring you back? A plug in Welcome to Las Vegas sign? A dice sucker? Perhaps a classy bottle opener key chain? Your son and daughter-in-law clearly assumed that you would not want any of the crap souvenirs from Vegas, especially since you go so often. You should be RELIEVED that you are being given some crappy little junky thing that you will throw out anyway. A nice dinner is a far better thank you for your generous gift.
candace117 candace117 8 years
It sounds like you should be proud of raising your son in such a way that he would go beyond the obvious and decide with his wife to do something MORE for his parents than he did for any of his friends. Usually parents are disappointed that their kids do more nice things for their friends than them. It also sounds like you raised him well enough to choose a mature and sweet wife who thought that you and your hubby would enjoy a nice dinner as opposed to a present. I doubt they were planning on taking you to Burger King.It sounds like you've already driven yourself crazy. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and be grateful you have a mature son and DIL who are thoughtful and have proper etiquette! This is the time of year to be especially thankful for what you have, not mad about what you don't.
candace117 candace117 8 years
It sounds like you should be proud of raising your son in such a way that he would go beyond the obvious and decide with his wife to do something MORE for his parents than he did for any of his friends. Usually parents are disappointed that their kids do more nice things for their friends than them. It also sounds like you raised him well enough to choose a mature and sweet wife who thought that you and your hubby would enjoy a nice dinner as opposed to a present. I doubt they were planning on taking you to Burger King. It sounds like you've already driven yourself crazy. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and be grateful you have a mature son and DIL who are thoughtful and have proper etiquette! This is the time of year to be especially thankful for what you have, not mad about what you don't.
remedios remedios 8 years
They did do "a little something" - they offered to take you to dinner. You'd rather some cheap shot glass that requires no thought over an evening with them? Even if they didn't offer dinner, you shouldn't be disappointed at all. A simple "thank you" is all you should be looking for. Did you get them this gift just for the return gift? Of course not. I can't even remotely understand what you're upset about.
lemuse20 lemuse20 8 years
I think you have no right to be annoyed. I would have thought it silly to bring you back something since you go every year, been there done that, and have seen it all anyway, the dinner was a good idea... well at least until you got offended. Who knew?
chicaparati17 chicaparati17 8 years
I agree with Jinx, and besides why give something with the hopes of getting something in return..i find this completely selfish!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Jeez! Why in the hell are you paying for their vacation? They're old enough and married.
Jinx Jinx 8 years
I would rather be taken out to dinner then get a piece of token crap from a place I visit once a year anyway.You're being silly.
Jinx Jinx 8 years
I would rather be taken out to dinner then get a piece of token crap from a place I visit once a year anyway. You're being silly.
llsand llsand 8 years
Dinner is much better ! Come on ! you go regularly, don't you have enough things from Vegas ? Why would you want the same thing as everyone else ? Your husband and you, gave them the trip so why not have something special from them ?
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