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You Asked: Do I Have a Right to Feel Cheated?


Dear Sugar,

My husband and I had a decent size wedding of about 120 people. Each guest cost my parents about $130. One family we invited sticks out in particular. Eight people in their party showed up (all adults) and when it came time to open gifts after the wedding, theirs was $100 — $100 from eight grown, working adults!! My husband and I were both shocked initially because the family is pretty well-off, but my husband decided we should let it go.

We've been married for over a year now and I can't seem to completely get over this. They are family friends of my husband so I hate to mention it to him, but it still hurts me to this day. I know I'm being selfish, but do I have a right to feel kind of cheated? I would never dare approach the family about it, but I've lost a lot of respect for them. In fact, their daughter (who attended our wedding) is getting married at the end of the month and I'm tempted to skimp out on her gift just in spite. Are my feelings justified? And when it comes to wedding gifts, what are the general rules anyway? — Holding a Grudge Gretta

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Holding a Grudge Gretta,

Giving a gift of $100 from eight people is definitely a little cheap, but you might not know what their financial situation is — while they appear to have a lot of money, times are tough right now for pretty much everyone. With that said, you have a right to be a little annoyed, sure, but since a year has past, I'd say it's time to just let it go. If you're tempted to be stingy with this woman's wedding gift, go ahead, but I think the better option would be to rise above your anger, be the bigger person, and give them a moderate wedding gift as if nothing happened.

When it comes to wedding etiquette, there are no black and white rules. I prefer to think of each wedding on a case-by-case basis. Factor in what you've already done for the couple: if you've given the couple a shower and engagement gift, bought a bridesmaid dress, or traveled far just to attend their wedding, I think it's perfectly acceptable to give a less expensive gift. If the wedding is the only event you've attended, I suggest purchasing something off their registry in a price range that fits your financial situation — anywhere from $50 to $100 is adequate. Consider how close you are to the couple as well, but like I said before, there are no real rules so do whatever feels right. I hope I was of some help!

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